Magic Of Making Up In Review
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The Top 4 Ways On How To Get Your Girlfriend Back Quickly
How to get your girlfriend back quickly may actually be a misleading title in a sense because reality is, it's something which really doesn't happen overnight.
Making up takes time. It requires to people to be in the same zone and wanting to get back with each other. If one is against it then it's folly to go on. Here are some tips in getting an ex girlfriend back.
#1. You both need to figure out if the relationship is going to last. This needs to be a dual decision. If it's something you think is a good idea there is little chance of it working if it's not reciprocated.
#2. You could try the approach of playing hard to get. Pushing her out of your life in a subtle way by meeting new friends can get some emotion going on her part. If after a while you still keep going back to thinking about getting your ex back then at least you know you are serious about pursuing a lasting relationship.
#3. Taking the direct approach often backfires. That is going directly to your ex and asking her to start things up again. Many times, a negative response often gets a less than happy reaction and any work someone has done in the lead up can be undone.
#4. Be seen as having a good time. If you and your ex move around in the same circles then this should be easy. If she sees you having a good time she is likely to get curious. We're not talking about a drunken good time but appear to have moved on. Have casual conversations with her when you bump into each other but appear to be in a hurry.
These tips on how to get your girlfriend back quickly are just a small sample of what you'll find in The Magic Of Making Up which goes into much greater detail on how to implement them. But but using the above strategies you should at least get some idea if she is thinking along the same lines as you which is crucial in this situation.
Ending A Relationship - 3 Rules Of Etiquette In Ending Relationships
Ending a relationship is one of the most emotionally charged decisions anyone is faced with. Too many relationships are left to drag on because the person wanting a finale just hasn't the courage to tell their partner.
This leads to tell tale signs of discontent and the truth is, unless someone is completely "blind" to the fact that they are about to be dumped, these signs are usually picked up.
Have you been in this situation? How did you feel when it was you that had to make the decision. Or how did you feel when you knew the "axe" was about to drop on your relationship? But it's important to acknowledge that not every relationship that has problems needs to end.
Those that do include:
- abusive situations
- when both partners are obviously no longer in love
Now we didn't put cheating in that list because ending a relationship over cheating can still be regarded as a little presumptious. Questions such as what was the reason someone strayed need to be looked at.
Cheating is often a symptom of something more serious. There is usually something within the relationship that is not working or hasn't been working for a long time. Many people cheat yet are still very much in love with their partner. They don't want their relationship to end.
Ending A Relationship
Okay, let's look at ending a relationship the right way and what you should avoid doing. This is akin to ending relationship etiquette if there is such a thing.
#1. Avoid playing games... nobody likes to break up with someone. That's normal, but there's a temptation to try and make the other person do the dirty work in ending a relationship. Mostly subconsciously, we pick fights and play games to try and antagonize the other person into breaking up with us.
#2. Be there in person... breaking up is a very painful experience for both parties. It is very tempting to bring the relationship to the end by email or phone or, these days, text message. That way, you don't have to see the look on their face or if you leave a message, without even talking to him.
#3. Be completely honest with your partner... you need to tell the other person exactly why you are ending the relationship. This isn't easy, because they will have tendency to try and talk you out of it, but the truth is that lying to them about the reasons doesn't help either of you. Be honest, even if they don't want to hear it.
Win Back A Boyfriend - 5 Things You Must Know Before Trying To Win Back A Boyfriend!
History is your biggest advantage in your quest to win a boyfriend back. In other words, if you are still stuck on him despite being apart for sometime and you just heard he may be dating someone else don't panic, all is not lost.
History is something you have and she doesn't so if the door hasn't been shut then you are still in with a strong chance. We're under no circumstances suggesting you charge head long into this and confront either your former boyfriend or his new date; now is a time to be calm and work on yourself.
The reason you don't want to be hasty in making a decision to try and woo him back is this may be an impuslive instinct on your part and could have been injected simply because you know someone else is on the scene.
So reflect and think about your relationship history with him and analyze one very important aspect - how good were the "good times" you had together and why did you break up. To win back a boyfriend, think reality first and weigh up the bad times which would have eventually led to your relationship demise. Is it worth going through those again?
Do You Really Want To Win Back Your Boyfriend?
#1. If you're not sure, before you go full on trying to win a boyfriend back, ask a good friend who will tell you the truth and not only what you want to hear. Weigh up what your friend says and what you honestly know and feel and then make your decision about what you want to do.
#2. If what you discover is that certain aspects of your behavior were primarily to blame for the break down in your relationship, then you need to find ways of amending that behavior. There's no point in trying to get back together with him if the reason he left you is still staring you both in the face. So deal with what needs to be dealt with on your part before you make any real attempt at reconciliation.
#3. Assuming that you decide to go ahead and try and get your boyfriend back, you then need to make contact with him. Call him and ask if you can meet up with him somewhere neutral. Don't let it sound as though you are going to drop anything too heavy on him because you don't want to frighten him off at this point.
#4. To win a boyfriend back make sure that when you meet him, you explain to him that you have thought long and hard about what happened in your relationship. You have done some work and sorted yourself out and you have found that you still have really strong feelings for him. Tell him you'd like another chance.
#5. Give him the space to explain how he feels and what he wants. Don't get emotional or angry if you don't hear what you want to hear. If you need to give him time to think things over, then do that. Don't rush him, just leave and wait for him to call you. With any luck, you'll get the call you want and you'll be back together.
Does My Partner Want Me Back - Why The Renewed Interest?
When a couple breaks up emotions run high and in the short to medium term at least, it's usually the bad memories which dominate thoughts. But after time, these bad memories may get pushed into the background while the good times join the thought process.
Where are we going with this? Well, one of the most asked questions we've seen across our desk lately is does my partner want me back? Usually it's a question which contains both a little hope and trepidation.
Hope that a fire that once existed can be re-ignited and trepidation that it had an unhappy ending and do I really want to go there again. But the truth is, when twp people develop a bond then it's one that's extremely hard to break despite both parties having moved on.
Does My Partner Want Me Back...Really?
So what should you do if your partner is showing interest in you again. The answer is simply nothing. That's right...nothing. Stop and think for a minute. Why the renewed interest? Is There an ulterior motiff? Are they trying to get back at you for something or is it simply because they are lonely with no other prospects on the horizon and you are a good bridge for the short term?
In other words, don't jump the gun and appear to be desperate and needy. If they are showing the interest then play a little hard to get but keep it moderated. You don't want them jumping through impossible hoops and chasing them off but it's a way to satisfy your curiosity and find out what they are really up to.
One reason for the renewed interest could be simply that you have been hard to get. Have you stayed in touch with them? Do you play in the same friends circle? Think back and concentrate on any discussions you've had since the break up. Were they brief? If so and you kept them brief then this is like playing hard to get and attractive for many in that they suddenly want something they can't have.
There is also the strong chance that this is just the fall-out from the break up. After the dust has settled, it's quite natural for people to miss each other and this could be simply part of that phase.
Or, your partner genuinely does want to get back together. Can you see how foolhardy it would be to simply accept the first invitation of a get together when there are plenty of questions to be answered.
Advice...take it slowly; learn from the mistakes you made first time around and make sure you don't jump back into a relationship without a little intel.
The Pain And Magic Of Making Up
So why is it human nature to want what we can't have? It's a strange phenomenom and for those in relationships, it applies more than ever.
A relationship which drags on without either partner doing much to keep the chemistry alive is a one way street to the scrap heap. But it happens over and over again and then, when the bubble finally bursts with one or the other declaring they want out, suddenly the urgency is rediscovered by the person spurned and it then becomes a race to get their partner back.
It's called getting into the comfort zone of a relationship and really, there is a fine line between being together and being apart. Sometimes it takes a jolt such as being dumped to realize what you've lost and if you're in this situation don't despair, there are things you can do to win back your partner.
One of the more controversial books written on the subject of how to get your partner back is The Magic Of Making Up. In it, author T W Jackson outlines a series of techniques that spurned lovers can adopt to get back in favor with their former partner.
One of the more controversial of these is a method where the person dumped basically does nothing other than agree that separating is the best course of action. In fact, a person should go as far as to declare that they we're also thinking about the same thing and then just walk away.
But they're not really walking away. In fact, what they are actually doing is planting themselves on higher ground and turning the situation back in their favor.
It gets back to what we we're talking about earlier in wanting what you can't have. It affects both people in a break up. The person spurned who suddenly is confronted with the situation of losing the person they love after being dumped. Yet, by keeping their head and thinking on their feet by using the tactic above, this person can also create the same sense of loss in the ir partner by declaring it's best for all concerned if they separate.
Can you see where this is leading? Now there are two reactions possible here. One is a reaction of anger from the "dumper" who has their ego dented by this response or, they could develop a sudden bout of respect for the person they're giving the marching orders to because they didn't get the "Linda Blair type reaction in The Exorcist."
T W Jackson didn't endear himself to many of the so called relationships experts because of the techniques revealed in The Magic Of Making Up but the good news is they aren't the same predictable techniques being taught by the majority.
Jackson says he has the testimonials to prove what he preaches works and says people just need to have the strength of their convictions to maintain composure during and after the "execution."
Magic Of Making Up - 7 Things You Shouldn't Do When You Get Dumped!
The biggest mistake someone who's just been dumped can make is to panic. In other words, they react in such a way which is deemed abnormal behavior. To answer the question of how to get my partner back, then a cool head must prevail.
Being spurned has got to be one of the most emotionally charged experiences a person can go through because it combines feelings of hopelessness with low self esteem. However, if you have just been given your marching orders or are on the outer in your relationship then there are things you shouldn't do before you can even think of winning back your partner.
Control your feelings of desperation because if you don't, then you run the risk of pushing your partner further away. Here are some of the actions which you need to keep in check.
1. Arguing about the break up. Sure your ego has taken a hit but remember, the last person she/he wants around at the moment is you so control the urge to argue and just give them a little space.
2. Contacting them to soon after the break up. Many seem to think this is just a passing phase and their partner will soon come to their senses. But the reality is, if they felt strongly enough to spurn you then this is really a serious situation and they need to be in a "you free zone" for the time being.
3. Avoid harassing your partner with phone calls or text messages. When people are spurned they'll look for any excuse to get in touch with their partner just to make contact. For the reasons mentioned above, the truth is, they just don't want to hear from you right now.
4. Avoid telling your partner they have made a big mistake and they are wrong. It doesn't matter what you say, they don't want to know. This is not the best time to reason with somebody who has just made the decision to dump you.
5. Acting wimpy. This is a mistake that guys in particular make and it's unnactractive behavior. Resist telling your partner how sad and lonely you are or how depressed you're feeling. Instead, an upbeat attitude and personality as if things have never been better is a better course of action.
6. Avoid being apologetic all the time. This is close to acting wimpy and again, it's very unattractive.
7. Feeling hard done by and looking for sympathy. If she/he felt strongly enough about dumping you then they are really not going to care right now how you're feeling.
The bottom line is, you need to get back on solid ground. The above behavior will only serve to get you despised and in many instances, it borders on stalking-style behavior.
How To Achieve The Magic Of Making Up
Making an effective apology is crucial in making up with your partner but what is an effective apology?
Simply saying sorry is not enough. Obviously we're assuming you are in the wrong and deserved to be dumped but remember, this doesn't mean you're being banished from a relationship for good.
Many times there is a cooling off period and this is when you need to keep your cool and not do anything rash. By rash we mean not resorting to arguing, test message terrorism or phone call terrorism. Obviously if you're on the receiving end of a dumping your ego wants to come into play and you want to prove to your partner they are making a big mistake.
But remember, if being dumped is tough on you then it's just as difficult for your partner to make the decision to break up with you.
So what is an effective apology? T W Jackson says in The Magic Of Making Up that the biggest aspect of apologizing to your partner effectively centers around that seven letter word called sincere.
An insincere apology will kill any chance of reconciliation. Let's take a look at what we mean and give you an example of an insincere apology.
A sincere apology could go something like this... "Honey, I'm so sorry. You were absolutely right in asking me to leave and I feel ashamed. I truly would like to repair the damage I've done."
That sounds pretty sincere doesn't it? Now let's add just one word to this apology and then see whether it stands up to any sincerity scrutiny.
"Honey, I'm so sorry. You were absolutely right in asking me to leave and I feel ashamed...BUT you've got to admit, it wasn't all my fault. You had something to do with the way I behaved."
That one word "but"...just made you're apology insincere. It suggests you have no concerns at all for the way your partner feels and are simply just trying to vindicate your own situation. Not very sincere is it.
The apology is like the final hurdle in making up with your partner. All of the good work you've done previously by following techniques outlined in The Magic Of Making Up will count for absolutely nothing if you don't get the apology right.
Magic Of Making Up - Should I Go Back After Being Dumped?
Okay, your relationship has just ended and your feeling confused, panicked and desperate. That's natural especially if you are the one who has been spurned.
So what can you do? T W Jackson wrote in The Magic Of Making Up that your biggest ally when you first get dumped is to take some time out.
The problem is, most don't and will want to stick around and force the issue and argue, constantly be on the phone to their partner trying to get an explanation or harassing their partner's friends and family trying to get some sort of reason or glimmer of hope that they will be taken back.
Can you see the problem here. You were dumped for a reason or reasons. One of those is your partner wants some time out themselves to clear their head and assess the relationship. If you are constantly hounding them, then they are simply not getting this free time and you will actually be tightening the noose on your relationship.
Wisdom From The Magic Of Making Up
So why would Jackson suggest to take some time out in The Magic Of Making Up when your first instinct is to do everything in your power to get your partner back?
Well, just like your partner needs time out from you, you also need time out from them and the relationship. You really should think about detaching yourself from the relationship for at least a month.
"What! A month you declare. Are you insane?"
You see, for now your relationship is over. One of the reasons Jackson makes a strong case for taking time out is for you to assess whether your relationship and your partner are worth fighting for or whether it's better to let it go and move on.
Positives And Negatives
Look at the positives and negatives of the relationship. There were obviously good aspects of it just as there were bad. Sit down and grab a notepad and pen. Make two columns and simply name them "negatives" and "positives."
In the positives column list things such as what it was about your partner that attracted you to them in the first place and what qualities they have which always makes you take a second look.
In the negatives column you do the opposite. What is it now about your partner that you don't like? Did you differ on certain aspects of life? Did you disagree about having children? Did either you or your partner hate going out? Did you dislike each other's friends.
By now you will have developed a strong list in both columns. So what's the purpose of doing this?
The Magic Of Making Up is such a strong relationship repairer because before you even get into the techniques of getting your partner back, you need to establish whether the relationship has a future and that you won't be back on the outer somewhere in the not too distant future.
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The key to agreeing with the break up combined with what you have highlighted is the surprise factor. Suddenly it gets the other person curious and even if they don't show it then, they will be thinking about it.
My partner of 16 years broke up with me nearly 2 weeks ago. I am devasted and whilst I have tried to be good at times I have acted like a looney and done the begging and pleading. We are meeting in about 4 days time as he owes me money for the mortgage, bills etc etc. I am only going to discuss finances with him on this occassion as having read the book I know I am driving him away with my behaviour. I would like to give him the letter at the end of our meeting but simply can't bring myself to say that I agree with the break up. Do you think this would be sufficient in regards to that section of the letter: 'Whilst I do not have it in me to agree that we should break up I do agree that at this present time you are making the right decision for yourself and I respect that and will honour your decision. As we have agreed our finances till the end of the month, unless there are things that you desperately need before then I will now not contact you until March when we might both be in a position to discuss things further'
Well I'm new to this thing: My situation is perhaps much more complicated being that I have a son with my ex..anyhow I have a question
My Ex-gf broke up with me last month. Almost instantly I went off instinct and begged and pleaded ( I know now that was a stupid move, but I did not know that at the time). So for the first two weeks my natural reaction was to be back with her because my son was involved and because I loved her of course. With time I talked to her less and less but still talked to her because I would talk to my son on the phone and would end up talking briefly with her afterward. I would do good for a couple of weeks not pressuring her but then I would have that one day where I would just be like "I can't take this anymore" and call her asking her to hook back up with me (this past weekend, I did the same thing). I now realize, at least since yesterday that having space is not a bad thing at all. So yesterday we decided to not communicate (unless its about our son of course) for about 2 1/2 to 3 weeks since, as she puts it, the break up is still fresh. What I am wondering is did I wait top long to follow these tactics (because in time I do intend to work things out but right now I agree with the break up and this gives her space to get over things and gives me space to work on my issues)...and should I not talk to my son these three weeks ( I would love to but my ex and I always fall into conversation with one another and right now I have not habituated myself to learn new things and improve myself) so is not talking to my son these three weeks a good things so later on things "may" be better? thanks!!!! I hope you guys (and girls) will be able to answer my question.
Hey magic of making up so I have broke up with my girlfriend 3 days ago which she broke up with me and that she wants to move on before we broke up she wanted to leave this relationship "happy" which I had nothing else to carry on with her and to follow on with break up I have passed the stage of kind of begging when now I still love her very much and would mean the world to get back with her. So anyway I had contact with her today and it was her randomly calling me saying sorry and that it's not all my fault for breaking up and I have disagreed with her that it is my fault which I had drove her into something thy I thought was bringing her close to me when I really wasn't but she said to me that she wants me to move and still be in a friendship but only with a group activity or a bunch of people socialising not one to one as she has said and also that she isn't really in love me romantically but friend loving. I was wondering if there's still hope from what she has said. I also still do love her a lot and deep down it does kind of get to me but I am showing to her that I am moving not crying moaning and stuff being my self when I talk to her but all I want is to stay back in the relationship as she said she feels there's more in life an that she wants to grow up without feeling like a "married couple" I would love for to be in my arms which if I can't have her it makes me kind of upset I have passed the stage of mass depression so I hope you could help on any advice of what to do :/ thanks Kieran
It's been a week since the break - up and since I've talked to my ex. He dumped me, but told me he loved me and I would always hold a special place in his heart. Well he's got a special place in my heart too. I'm pretty sure He's "THE ONE." I have taken this past week to think about everything and decide if this is really what I want. It is. But I'm soo afraid if I wait too long to try and work this out that I will lose him.
What ended up happening was that she texted me, asking which day would be best to pick up her stuff. I called her and when I did did my best to not sound upset. I acted almost like I was ok (I definitely I'm not). I said that this is probably the best for both of us. I could tell she was fighting back tears. She asked me if I was seeing anyone. I did not answer directly. I told her I am busy taking care of myself and picking up the pieces. The conversation was only 3 and a half minutes. After that she texted me and said 'next time to text her instead'.
I feel good that I said that (on day 3). Though it makes me depressed. It almost feels like it is more over. I know I need to give this time but it hurts.
How I'm I doing? What should I do?
I have read every single post (I don't sleep so I have lots of time). Some related to me, some did not but they were all helpful. Thanks for taking time out to help me.
Well, I would definitely wait now. The thing is, letting her know in a few days time may not much impact especially if you have to contact her to tell her. Right now, you are doing no contact and she must be thinking what's going on. I think you have created curiosity there anyway.
I wish I knew then what I know now. I really wish I said it off the start. I was under the impression that texting is a no no. Saying I agree with the break up just does not seem right, especially in text form. That whole intuitive/counter-intuitive I suppose. Should I wait a few days and see if she calls? Will that ruin things? I am just so confused with all the information.
Thanks for responding. It is really helpful
PatBigE...I would have told her that you agreed with the break up when she first told you in the car. If not then, definitely when the first "I'm sorry" email came along. Maybe respond with a text and let her know you think it's a good idea.
I will try and keep it brief and only talk about the current issues.
My girlfriend broke up with me 3 days ago. I could kind of see it happening and now I wish I did more to make it work. Which is why I am now trying to make things work. The day of the breakup she mostly did it over text. I called and did the typical convince her things will be better speech. I was upset the way it happened and drove to her house and we went for a very brief drive where she told me in person that it was over. When I dropped her off I was not acting hysterical. I felt a bit better knowing I tried. She texted me a few hours later if I got home OK. I responded ( I know now that I should not of done that). Shortly after that she sent a text saying 'I am so sorry'. I did not respond. Shortly after that text she sent another text that was longer but similar to to the 'I am so sorry'.
Day 2 there was no contact between us. Today being day 3 she sent a rather large text basically saying she cried all night and wondered if I lied about going home. I deleted her off facebook and my cell as well as delete all her messages after I read them.
My questions are.
1. What is my next move?
2. How do I tell her that I think it was a good idea? Would that not go against the no contact rule? If I do not tell her soon I am afraid I will miss my chance for that.
3. We have an apartment together (she is at her parents atm). She does not have much stuff here but will want to retrieve it soon. How do I go about that?
If you want any details to help with my questions I do not mind giving them to you.
Hey Guys...sorry I haven't been around. Overseas and traveling. You can connect with me on my new site RomanceBlues.com Also getting a video site up and running at RelationshipsVideo.com
Really sorry for being out of play and hope you don't hold it against me.
My boyfriend broke up with me 1 week ago. We had been seeing a couple therapist because we both thought it was a good idea. Prior to this we were arguing, on my end, because i had unresolved issues. In the midst of trying to resolve these issues (before the therapy) i was pulling away because i wanted to make sure i worked on them and didn't get dissuaded with the usual luvey dovey stuff, because i didn't want the same problems again. During this time i think he suffered a lot because of it, because he has always been very devoted to me and always seeking my happiness. when we started going to therapy he was ready to break up but he told me that maybe we could start over as dating and get to know each other again. after the month of therapy, he said it wasn't working, that he didn't feel better, that he doesn't miss me, or he feels awkward holding my hand or kissing me. he says he still believes he loves me but he feels he should miss me and he doesn't want to feel as if he's lying to me so it's best if we break up. He said we can stay friends, and this is something he has never done with any previous girlfriends and we used to talk about it in better times and he said he'd never want me just as his friend. BUt now he says he sees this as a good thing because after all we started as friends. and that we haven't wronged each other. Also, he wants to go to therapy one last time to see what the counselor has to say to both of us. The day he broke up with me i did send him messages. The day after we were supposed to go to the therapist but he didn't show, i texted him asking him, and he said he was really sorry he forgot, y didn't i remind him, that he was with his daughter and if he could do anything. maybe go another day? he kept apologizing a lot. so we put it off for next week, this coming monday. after that day, he texted me 2 days later saying 'how are u" and that just opened up a can of worms. cuz by that time i had decided to go away on a trip, and unfortunately i told him...and he kept asking was it because of him,,,he didn't understand but if it was something i wanted he would stop asking and respect it. we haven't spoken after that and i guess i'd like some help in how to go about this because i really believe this is a relationship worth saving. i don't believe he stopped caring or loving me but because of the issues i was working thru before it took a toll on him. do i send this opening move letter? can i say any more than just that i understand and i agree? also, we run in the same circle of friends, very close. so anything there i'd also appreciate any advice.
any help at all i really would appreciate, i love this man with all my heart, i want to be with him. please help.
Dear magic of makeup. Me and my wife just seperated guess you can say on good terms for the 3rd time since we've been married hasn't even been a year. The first two times weren't really on good terms but alot of drama and heart took place because of where she had been staying while we were seperated. The first two times she was telling me its over for good, talking divorce and she had sex with her baby biological father, even though I've been there since day for the both of them in the hospital and ne er gave up again. Im by no means perfect, but o feel as if its just a game again and im scared that she's gonna take this break and go mess around, then feel bad about it and come to her sense and wana come back. Im 19 in college of my dreams,but love her and our son dearly regardless whether he's mine by blood or not. The times we decided to get back together was good at first, but I still had built up anger and insecurities due to her infidelity. And this always posed a problem because I just didn't feel as if she were truly in love with me. I have a background of drug abuse and physical abuse, and I feel as if she began to feel emotionally verbal abused because of me being so jealous and insecure and angry that she took my family away and was sharing her love n our son with another. Now she's talking about gettin an apt with her friend who also has a child which I know wont work because being an adult and handling the responsibi.ities that come with that is very very hard. All I wana do is help her be happy and give her and our son the best life that neither myself or her had growing up. I dnt have the money to purchase the book right now, but I wana look into it. If I can save her from a life of struggling and pain I will give her the husband I know I can be. Im getting myself psychological help right now to work on myself but what tactics do I do in order for her to want me or miss me as much as I miss her. She is very prideful and stubborn and wants to stick to her word but I now know she loves me. Can anyone help me save my marriage. Ima good looking guy trust me and very social, but I gave it all up to settle down and be a family man. As much as she stresses me and drives me crazy id rather deal with her bullshit just to have her and him in my life idc bout the financial strain for I've been strugglin all my life and its what im used to. I love her to death I just wana reconcile and not be so paranoid that she's out doing what she's not supposed to this is real someone please help me!
hi
after a month of reflecting and thinking about what i did wrong i have realised i actually treated my ex really bad! i was insanely paranoid and didnt trust her, i was very very controlling even though i wasnt aware of it at the time, how on earth with she think i have changed after so long of being terrible!
please help me with this one
i started the no contact rule with optimism 2 months back.sent her the letter and was in no contact.she called me last week,we talked.and i hd plans tht i will drop out at her whether we shud meet for a coffee or not or something like tht.i decided tht i wud do tht some day sooner.but when i cme to know tht she, way back at our rough times shared a lot of things about me and potrayed me as a rude and rough guy to her friends.and even allowed them to utter thngs against me.i just cant take it.this is somethng i am not able to tolerate.its like somethng breaking my trust bcz her frnds look at me with disgust in college.it hurt me so much.moreover i cme to knw tht after tlkng to me she was feeling light and said tht we cn be happy in our own lives.she said tht our common friend.i havent even asked her whether we shud meet or somethng but now it seems to me as if i wud begging.instead of thngs going negative tht conversation wth her had initiated positive thngs tht atleast she wont be thnkng bad for me.but she is avoiding everythng tht is making her sentimental and making her recall me.my common friend told me.it came so deep to me tht i decied to forget all these thngs and move on 3 days back.but these 3 days has cme so hard on me.with mental trauma and the feeling of being betrayed and loneliness.somethng i hadnt felt in the last 2 mnths.every optimistic view now seems to have gone frm my life.i am just standing hopeless and i feel my heart twisted.i know ur free plan read it,implemented it was moving but then why i am so weak again?
Hi T, My situation is different from alot of other people that post here. I'm 23 and married with a 5 yr old son. My husband is 23 also or should I say going to be ex now, we were married for 5 years together for 8 since we were 15. I know it was young and it might seem childish and force circumstance situation to get married because of a child. But we both are very mature for our age. I'm a co owner of a spa business and he is studying to become a film maker, animator, character modeling, cgi stuff. He is great at what he does and its his childhood dream, so he feels he has to accomplish that no matter what. He joined the navy when we were 18. We moved from LA to WA, surrounded by nothing but lakes mountains and trees with no family or friends for support. I started feeling like I have nothing in my life but a high school diploma with no career, job, or goals. I treated him baddly during those times due to our breakup back when we were 17, he was seeing my ex best friend behind my back, and that ruined my mentality of trust completly on friendship. I hold a grudge against him and take him for granted for the courages moves that he took to join the navy and support our family, even gave up his dreams for us. I hold that grudge for so long, I wasn't able to show him much love or affection due to it. We had a huge fight one night and he told me he wanted a divorce that he doesn't love me anymore, he told me to leave. I left back to LA and started a job to make something out of my self without depending on him. That was almost 3 years ago and we made up and are in LA now, about 2 months ago he told me the samething again. He was going to school fulltime for a year and had no time at all what so ever for me or our son, he was always mad and stressed at everything. He says that I will some how ruin his future and stop him from accomplishing his dream. He said it is best to get a divorce to move on and be happy. He kept bringing up the time that I left him in WA by himself, that I have ruined his mentality for good. He will never forgive me for leaving, when he told me so. He didn't really think I would of done it. I also had an older friend who is about 57 who helped me with my business and emotional support when my ex was busy with work 24/7, he found out about him and though I was cheating. I have explained to him who he was that it was nothing but a friend of my parent's who helped out. He seems like he doesn't believe me because I gave him the clue that this person helped me more with my busniess and support than he ever did, because he never did. I don't know what to do, should I try to get him back and used your advice in your book, my friend bought it, shes said it didn't work for her, due to cheating. If the situation is more serious like this, do you think I have a chance to get him back, he is a good man, I still love him very much. He just doesn't even have time to go out and do anything, always busy. We see each other when I pick up my son, I take my son to be with me 3-4 days out of the week and so does he. The NC will never work. We are seperated and didnt file for divorce yet. He says he still loves me and want to be friend that is the best thing to do. He is still very attracted to me physically and wants to get intimate if we can, but doesn't feel like he did before. We been living separatly for a month. Any hop for me that ur book would work...??Thank you would be deeply appreciated if you reply.
hi again
ok its been about a month now, bumped into her at the pub and we were both really quite drunk, chatted a bit with her, danced with her and we talked about how our raltionship ended and how it was for the best.... i realised she has moved on and she will not change her mind....so i am getting over her now but its pretty hard just wondering how do i stop thinking about her!!?
she is my last thought at night and first thought in the morning, im not that upset but its still annoying, any thoughts please?
I bought the ebook and read it. Went into no contact the best i could when i work with him. He strated staring and smiling at me daily and making small chit chat. Then on Friday he flipped out on me saying i have a bad attitude?! I really don;t understand this.
its 2 mnths of nc and i hve been wth all my new frnds.she hs been boasting in front of me shwing all her frnds and i hve been doing the same tht m also hvng fun.my ex sent me a message thru our commn frnd tht i shud delete hr all msgs n numbers so tht thr is no chnce tht i cntct hr evr.she checkd my moblie and all tht.my ex asked hr on msg whether she deleted all the numbers.the commn frnd told hr tht all hr num hs been deletd bcz she chkd hrsef and tht like my value hs gne zero in her life,similarly hr value hs gne down in my life.she said good nw thr is no chance of cntct.and its really good.as it ws on msg so our commn frnd cannot guarantee the expression or wht she exactly felt.what ws ths sir?or wht does it shows?
my common frnd said tht my ex is always expecting tht i will be contacting and disturbing her.bcz tht is wht i hd dne to my previous gf before her.my common frnd is saying tht she just wnt to tell me that how much i have hurt her,and she even tried contacting me thru mails or even messages or to meet and insult and shout at me.but my common frnd stopeed her.my common frnd said that she is missing u bcz she cant tolerate the fact tht i hve moved on or ignoring her.my common frnd says tht she expects me to contact her,something that i am not doing.she even sent a message to me thruh the common frnd that i shud delete all the messages of her and even her family members numbers so tht i hve no chance of contactng her.my common frnd is saying tht ths shows she is missing me but is nt trying to show.my common frnd also told me that if i come to her face to face by co incidnce even then i shud avoid any contact wth her even wth a 'hi'.bcz tht wud mke her feel tht i hve really moved on.my common frnd wants me to do ths so tht she gets so much frustrated tht she comes herself and talk to me.shud i also follow this,i mean especially when i come face to face with her even in college by co incidence?
its 2 mtnhs frm my nc n my ex instead sent a message thrugh our common frnd tht i shud delete all her num frm my mobile whetr her parents or brother's so ther is no chance of contact.my common frnd told her tht she had chekckd my moblie and thr ws no message and num of hers and like my value is nthng in her life,,similarly her importance in my life has been lowered.on ths she replied to my frnd,good,nw thr will be no chance of cntact and tht it is really good.mreover she shws she is hpy wth her own frnds and i shw tht i hve loads of frnds and m enjoying.wht does ths mean sir?
I have met a guy through an application called "whoshere". At first I was just thinking to stay around and chat with different people since I'm only gonna start working from next January, so I have no intention for dating.
After chatting with him for a week and I found this guys is a very special one. We staying near by to each other. One day, he was asking for having dinner together. But I don't feel safe for meeting net friend but he is a special one. So I suggested we go out for dessert because both of us had our dinner already.
I was purposely dressed casual and just wearing sleepers when meeting him. To people's eyes I'm just weird, I was thinking to him it might be the same as well so we might just meet once then we are done. But when we meet, I seems like quite fine to him and he asked me go out for movie. After the first time we meet, I feel that we is one that I can just comfortably just being myself and don't have to act at all, and it seems the same to him.
We talked a lot about us for the things that we don't usually talk to the people around us on the next day when we date for movie.
Since then he was asking me out for dessert since he know that I love dessert and I was just pretend that I thought he like dessert too but I remember that he doesn't like sweet stuff. He was calling every night to talk with me and asked me what I was doing, text me after his work about he is gonna stuck in the traffic.. Say he miss me... And then he was curious that I didn't have much question to ask about him.. Then I ask him to tell me more about him and he told me about something that I wad about to ask. He was having 7 girl friends before, and all of them are elder than him.. I'm the only one that's a year younger than him. I asked what's The reason for their break up. Two of his ex- girlfriend hurt him the most. One of them cheated his money, and the other one was the most painful one.. He open up a door and see his girlfriend having sax with another man. I can hear the pain while he was talking about this... And then I told him about mine, I told him that I never have a boyfriend before because the one that I like was a gay and I have spend ten years liking the gay until a year before I meet this guy.
We were kissing after dating for another week and we like each other. I thought we are in a relationship after first time kissing. He told me that he won't easily love someone. He like me but he doesn't want a relationship yet and I was fine because I know about his bad experiences and his aim on his career so I didn't force him and we still kiss... He was a playboy many years ago, but he is not anymore.. He even rejected a women who bring him back home..
We were getting better and there was a Sunday afternoon and he called and ask whether I wanna go to his house to "have fun". I want him too but I rejected him because I mind that I don't have a nice body and a little saggy breasts.. and I was working to make my body looks better before giving him my first, he know that I'm a virgin and I told him before that I'm not ready yet and he understand that. (he has been single for 1and a half year..) But to me he sound a little unhappy... Then I was worry about our relationship and I text him asking for lunch together n he said he is not hungry... Then I was even more worry and sad..
I was worry and I sent a stupid message that say shall we pretend that we never know each other before so that he can find someone that they can give something that each other need... And he never reply.. I regret after sending that message.. He didn't call me on the other day but usually he will give me a call before he go to bed no matter how busy he is. (I wasn't nagging at all, we both feels good) I was calling him at the other night and ask him to make me hate him so that I can let go.. He knows what happened to me and told me to get some rest and everything will be fine. Then I feel much better...
Something bad happens, I lost my purse and my phone in the gym room and couldn't find it back! I was frustrated because the phone is the only thing that we keep in touch and I don't remember his phone number and all the messages gone with the phone! It's okay to lost the phone but not his contact and the messages! Then I went to search him on Facebook, we never add each other as friend because we don't think we need it. The I given him a temporary number do that he can call but he didn't.. And I was worry that we are gonna just end up like that. I inform him that my original number is in use again so that he can call but he didn't.. I feel that he is being cold... Then I keep sending him message through Facebook but he didn't reply.. And there was a time a message that sent accidentally before I finish typing.. I was asking him to make some respond at night after work.. But before I finish typing the message was sent and he thought I'm forcing him to reply immediately.. Then he was saying.. :" what do you want from me?" it was painful seeing that..
I told him he is being so cold and it is bugging me. And I sent a lot of messages. Then he was calling one night and we argued.. He said we must draw a line... And I wonder what I did wrong.. He said my behavior is like another person and is different and I scared him and make him feel antipathy(u think he referred to my nonstop messaging and nagging) but everything won't end up like that if I didn't lost my phone and him being colder after rejected him...
Then he told me he is tired after work and came home and see those messages, he said I don't understand him.. Then I know that I was too nervous and all my understanding are gone..
He said why not we just be friend but I rejected because I wasn't calm at all he too... I said I won't call him anymore but then I failed... And unconsciously made him feel irritating I guess..
A lots of misunderstand after that argument.. It has been two and a half week that we have no contact..
Do you think there is still any hope between us?? I really wish that we can back to when we are still good...
Hi again
there is a another party coming up this saturday and my ex is going, we probably still need more space, but part of me is mega worried that she will meet someone there? do you think if i can fully control my emotions i should go?
thanks
Makingupmagic -
I did the thank you for breaking up with me thing and that went sort of well then we were talking and old stuff came up ( all on phone - I won't talk to him at work about the relaionship... I need to keep my composure and JOB). I told him I am happy and relieved and he was right to let me go but that I miss him and the good times/friendship. Was kind of looking to get so kind of feeling for where he is at or closure. Told him that I wanted some closure to move on, get my heart and head on same page b/c someone interested in me, although to be honest I am not ready to date this guy so not going to. Ex got all mad saying, "wow, you move on quick" and accussed me of seeing someone in the past he was jealous of.Told him this was not the case...As for reason on what changed in the realtionship that caused the break he pretty much that he was not a good communicator and did not express his feelings because he was tired from working all day. He said that he started to resent and me becuase we were at my house more than his becuase of his roommate situation. (it is like a frat house and one roommate has some issues) He did not mention the girl that he was interested in. He told me he had said things that were mean out of anger and frustration then got angrgy again, more at himself becuase he can not communicate past a certain point and doesn't know why this happened. He said he never meant to hurt me and will answer all my questions but that he pretty much "rolls with the punches and doesn;t think too much about things" and that his feelings are his feelings and they changed. Then he trew something in there like his mom did his college applications, this is just him. I dont get that as we have been out of college for years now. I can;t figure out why things changed so quickly and if he is just scared, if he has pressure from this roommate from hell who splits the bills. I know he feels that I am better than him and he can not live up to my expectations financially and that his ADD frustrates me but I wish he knew how money is not important to me and that I dealt with the ADD this long...I mean come on. A lot seems like excuses, some confussion, some just immaturity and inability to communicate. He got all upset and said that the conversation was getting us no where and upsetting us both (he really can;t talk or show emotion) and that I should email him. I said no but then wrote him a really long email which he did not respond to. Now i feel so hurt and anxious waiting for a reply, if I get one! I have so many hopes that he will realize what he let go and shape up and come back but I am not sure if he can really put the effort in on his own consistently with the ADD and roommate influence. This is all too sad. What do you recommend I do now? HELP
me n my ex been in n/c 4 over 3 weeks....he sent me a message sayin it been awhile n hopes im doing great....i know it ok to have him contact me during n/c but how long do i wait to reply? not really suree what 2 sayy.....i dont want 2 come off eager so yea n do i still make the call i on day i circled?
Sad and Angry... sorry to hear your plight. Doing n/c is almost impossible when you work together. If you go ahead and do it, try to avoid long conversations and don't look as if you jump every time he wants your attention. Act like you are enjoying life and you are dating again. Maybe this wasn't meant to be but you need to decide yourself if he is worth pursuing. Is he the type of person that will make the long term commitment you want?
my common frnd said tht my ex is always expecting tht i will be contacting and disturbing her.bcz tht is wht i hd dne to my previous gf before her.my common frnd is saying tht she just wnt to tell me that how much i have hurt her,and she even tried contacting me thru mails or even messages or to meet and insult and shout at me.but my common frnd stopeed her.my common frnd said that she is missing u bcz she cant tolerate the fact tht i hve moved on or ignoring her.my common frnd says tht she expects me to contact her,something that i am not doing.she even sent a message to me thruh the common frnd that i shud delete all the messages of her and even her family members numbers so tht i hve no chance of contactng her.my common frnd is saying tht ths shows she is missing me but is nt trying to show.my common frnd also told me that if i come to her face to face by co incidnce even then i shud avoid any contact wth her even wth a 'hi'.bcz tht wud mke her feel tht i hve really moved on.my common frnd wants me to do ths so tht she gets so much frustrated tht she comes herself and talk to me.shud i also follow this,i mean especially when i come face to face with her even in college by co incidence?
thanks
continued...
I miss the person he was prior to him starting to work with this woman and start to get shady. The problem for me is I WORK WITH HIM and have to see hime everyday. I know that he is younger than me and immature in some ways and I wonder if i try to rekindle things with him if he will just do the same thing again. My trust is broken and I am unsure how to handle this. It is gut wrentching seeing him at work. Some days he tries to talk to me about random things and other days he ignores me. I am so confussed as to what this means. He acts like nothing happened and that he is fine and moved on with his life. Any advise? How do you do no contact with a coworker who broke your heart? Why do I want someone back to changed and can I really get him to "change" back and be the person he once was and also grow at the same time? Please HELP.
Hi,
My boyfriend and I broke up about 1.5 months ago and my emotions are going between sad and angry. It is really hard because we lived together and he promised me the world. He was talking about marriage only four days before the breakup. For the last few weeks of the relationship he was fine ene day and the next he was distant or gaurded. He admitted he had some feelings for another woman at his other job which made me upset but he just kept saying he is confussed and "isn't where I want him to be"...but he is the one who took me to look at rings?! I have been doing my best to get over him but it is really hard as I miss the person he was prior to
James... admit your mistakes but under no circumstances point out hers. This needs to be unconditional. As far as the book, try reading it again. It's amazing what you miss the first time round.
Ian... you've done what you can and if she misses you then she will be in touch. I guess it's tough right now but not much else you can do than hope the n/c triggers the missing feeling in her.
Hi, things are really up in the air. My gf moved back in to "live seperate" lives. I did not think this was the only reason. She was really upset the first night so I took her out and cheered her up. She hinted that she thought she might have made the wrond decision. I did not see her for 2 days then I got into her bed in the morning and told her that I wanted her back. Not right now but mabye in a month. I also told her that I was moving out. A day later I broke down as we had dinner together I cried and asked questions. SHe did not get thurther away but got closer and we hugged. I asked why she did not want to fight for me. She said she didn't know. The day before I moved out we spent the day together as if we were still together we kissed and hugged alot. She told me that she thought we might have got back together if we lived together. Perhaps she just wanted to see me change. Before I left I told her that I wanted the chance to win her back. She said she didn't know and that she was confused. We both agreed a break would be good and then we could see how we feel. She said that maybe we could change to be the people we needed to be to be together. Also I read her texts (when drunk) and she has been seeing someone else. I brought this up and she was angry but forgave me as I forgave her for seeing someone else. She siad she likes him but does not want anything with him but they are close friends. He is a bit of a dork and what I am not. When we said good by it did not feel like it was for good and we kissed and waved good bye. Now the no contact starts. But for how long? I suppose she will now ee how she really feels. But today I saw her with the guy. He has been there for her as a shoulder to cry on. They had arms linked and did not look happy. I am not sure if they saw me. She always used to hold my hands and said linking arms is what friends do.
Messed up situation. But I have told her how I feel and have set her free. Will she come back?
I was just wondering if i could get some of your advice
my ex has a tendency to stick to her decisions, we went out for almost 2 years, when we eventually get round to talking (after having some more no contact)
about what went wrong how will i make her change her mind about me? i already kinda know (through friends) that she thought the relationship had gotten boring and predictable and wrong, i have come to realise my own mistakes now, do i tell her these when we finally meet up?? should i tell her about her mistakes?? what section of the book shall i read for this?
thanks for your time
also she contacted me yesterday on live messanger, we spoke really quickly and i said i had to go....what are your thoughts?
NeedsHelp
just reply to the email after you have brought the book
i just got my first reply!
James and NeedsHelp... I'm definitely not T Dub. To be honest, I'm not sure how to contact him other than the email he would have provided. I know he answers a lot of questions from people so there must be some way to get through to him. I take another look and see if I can find something but doubt it. Maybe another reader can help out.
Hey
how do i speak to T Dub?? or are you t dub lol??
when i paid for the book it said he would be in touch?
Hi, I bought The Magic of Making Up, but really need to contact T Dub to ask him a few specific questions. I have tried help@magicofmakingup.com, but apparently it won't go through. I'd try snail mail, but I feel like it's more efficient & quicker for both parties if email is used...can someone please help me out?
sorry to bother you again
but how do i actually email T-dub??
i have the book and i recive emails from him but im not sure if he is getting me reply emails??
also i cant find anything about when we meet up when do we talk about the brake up? should i talk about how im changing for myslef and living a healthly life etc??
thanks
ok thanks...so since we are in no contact once we do start talking again, suggest a skype date and follow the ebook as if it were a real date?
James... if you keep meeting up with her she's not getting the chance to miss you. It's up to you but n/c is your best option right now.
longdistance111...I guess you can let her know you are visiting her state and if there's a chance you could meet up for coffee. Or, maybe meet her for the first time on Skype. Just a couple of thoughts.
hi its me again
my friends have just told me apparntly she is kinda blaming herslef and saying how nice i always was but she still thinks its for the best, how can i win her back!!!!!!
I have bought the ebook and currently in NC. We are long distance and so i was wanting to know how to initiate a first date (where its something simple and not too complicated) given that we are long distance, how can this be done? like the ebook says do something simple like coffee but we are not in the same state to be able to meet up for something that simple....
Ok got it thanks for the adivce :)
James...just start the n/c and see where it takes you. Go the distance. Right now, she's annoyed with you anyway. Not sure if it will smooth over but as I say, things are shaky anyway so leave the next move up to her.
I need to start again
its been about a week now and i just spoke to my ex again!! asking if she minded if i go to a party where she is 2mro.....she said no and she felt like i was trying to follow her, she got a bit angry!! if i start the NC again will it smooth over?
Ok i will reamin strong and i guess start the NC again?
i had to break the NC to early to go get my stuff...now i have it i could start that tactic again?
scuse...well, it's your call. I would get her to pick it up personally.
thanks. she's getting more persistent with the texts. i cut her off telling her i had a lot to do tomorrow but maybe the following day would be better. should i see her and give it to her personally or have her pick it up to prevent contact? she's using the book as an excuse to see me...has to be
scuse...just stick to your guns. Sounds like she's starting to miss you.
James...this must be tough for you right now. You wish you could wave a magic wand and get her back but the truth is, she still needs to make the call. Look, not sure I can say anymore but to stand firm. If it was meant to happen it will. On the other hand, the party is your call. The book is just a guide and no guarantee. The idea is to n/c them initially to get them missing you. If they don't after a good length of time then they have moved on. Feeling for you but just make sure you still look after number one which is yourself.
Hurtingbad...sounds like she is just testing you at the moment. I would still wait for her to text you first. Sounds like she's missing you.
i have just read the bit about avoiding avoidance
there is a party this friday at my friends that i stupidly said i wont go to if she wants space but i do really want to go to?? what shall i do?
Hi again
i had to go and get my stuff, i couldnt quite keep to the books advice, i told her (in a really calm way) that im protecting myself and i didnt want to give her the wrong impression that i was over us..... she said she still thinks its for the best, im not sure if the book is helping
surely i have no chance now?? please just tell me how to help nothing im doing seems to be working
Ok after 10 days NC, I broke in and told my gf I was coming by her house (where I still have a lot of my stuff and used to live) to do some laundry, get some stuff, and hangout. She said sure come over I'm doing homework and chilling. I had talked to her mom earlier that day and asked her if I should take her to dinner. Went by, hungout, and everything went really well. I left in about an hour and then she texted me and asked why I didn't ask her to dinner, like I told her mom. I told her I didn't think she would want to go because she was studying. We texted each other, and felt like I was talking to my gf again. I went there the next day, to get a few things, and asked her to dinner. She texted me early the next day and told me she had to cancel dinner, but would like to reschedule for another night. I always make her text me first then I respond. She texted me later and asked me if I had sex with anyone since the breakup, I told her the truth which was no, and asked her he same, she said no. Late that night I get a text from her saying to have a good night, she misses the fun times we had together, and she was having a super sad day. I texted her the next morning told her I missed them too, but not to be sad, keep her head up and finish school. Then we pretty much texted eachother throughout the day all day. I sent her the last text which was goodnight. I haven't heard anything back all day today. I know this just may be me missing her and wanting to text her, but does it sound like its ok to start texting her like normal or do I need to still wait for her to text first, I don't want to be needy, but I don't want her thinking I don't care for her either? What do you think about her asking about the sex thing, is it a guilty conscious? Confused on where to go from here.
I bought the book and it has helped me a lot. My girl broke up with me 2 weeks and 3 days ago. I talked to her once over text(prior to the book) 2 weeks ago trying to understand everything she had misinterpreted about our argument. I've since cut off all communication, but 2 days ago she started texting again asking for a book she had left at my house. she asked if i had it. i waited a few hours and text back "yeah". she waited a few hours and asked if she could get it back. i waited till the next morning and text back "yeah". now she is asking what i'm doing tomorrow? how should i approach it. thinking of telling her i'm busy but maybe the next day? what do you think? the book is worthless to her so i see it as her just wanting to see me. she's been doing things to try and make me jealous with no success. seems as though she's the one getting desperate. i'm an amazing guy and although she's the most wonderful woman i've ever met there aren't many people who probably think that about her. she doesn't have many friends and i'm guessing she had a very boring halloween. she knows i've been having the time of my life, but i want her back. thank you
Agniesia2692...I still don't fully understand your situation. Did he break up with you? How long has it been? What are you doing to try and get him back? Have you got yourself a copy of The Magic Of Making Up?
Rado...that's pretty powerful stuff. Doesn't sound like someone who wants to be separated. It's your call but the signals are pretty strong.
Could you advise me something? Please reply to my post earlier ... What would you advise ...
my situation was hopeless by my ex was giving me today sygnals...on one of the sites in my country....she had send me this song...apocalyptica - not strong enough ..and the lyrics are:
And it's killin' me when you're away, and I wanna leave and I wanna stay.
I'm so confused, So hard to choose.
Between the pleasure and the pain.
And I know it's wrong, and I know it's right.
Even if I try to win the fight, my heart would overrule my mind.
And I'm not strong enough to stay away
I'm not strong enough to stay away
What can I do?
I would die without you
And with your presence my heart knows no shame
I'm not to blame
Cause you bring my heart to its knees
what should I do should i contact her?
Qwerty... Still early in the process but don't put all your eggs in one basket. Still need to think about yourself. Go out with friends. If she does nothing it might be a sign that this girl is not for you. I know it's tough to be thinking that way now but if you need to look after yourself here.
Your call Ian. If you do decide to move in and it seems pretty obvious she still wants to be with you then heed her comment about love not being enough. You need to appreciate her, don't take her for granted.
James... well, looks like you need to sort it out. Maybe email her back and ask if it can wait for the time being and could she just put it aside.
R...looks good!
Magic of Making up, thanks for you comment. I have just posted again under the name of Ian (just in case she ever finds this I am not giving my name) because I thought the first post didn't work. As I have written in this (Ian) post the original situation has changed dramatically - I got too panicky and emotional and contacted her as mentioned. So please reply to the Ian post as well. I apologise for the confusion.
i deleted my fb acc again.shud be away frm virtual world and try avoiding her nyhw even on social netwrok.the problem is after the N/C letter,she has chngd,being a bit positive,and is not at all tlkng abt me anymore as b4.wht does tht means?its10 days of N/C,m giving her 40 days mre b4 i reconnect wth her.hope she re connects herself.but wth the present going i dnt even thnk she wud be missing me.
Hi,
Got my self in a real mess! My girlfriend of three years broke up with me one week ago. I saw it coming and had read the book so I was prepared (or so I thought). I told her that I had saw this coming and that I was prepared. Her reasons were nothing concrete but I knew it was down to the fact that I had not given her the appreciation she deserved including two big deal breaking times, although on over occasions I had done really well. So after I told her this I told her to be brave, and she cried we hugged and we both felt a great warmness. She later text me too tell me how awesome I was about this (a new found admiration). I replied in a cocky way.
The next day we met up again as she had to collect some stuff from the house we shared. She was upset and I told her of some good news I had recieved. We then went to the supermarket as we both needed groceries. I told her how great my life was already that I felt free (I over did it as I was hurting). We also nearly kissed. My food was all healthy hers junk.
Then over the next few days of no contact it started to hurt and the panick built up. I had no certainty that the book would work during this time. I felt bad because I was not being honest to the one I love and had made her feel really bad. Which kind of worked but also backfired as she started to resent me.
I then contacted her on facebook with a nice advert for some free boots. She asked me if she could call. I should have said no but I was desperate. She rang and said that she no longer was going to pay the 2 months of rent left at our house as she could not afford it (she has preivousl agreed to do this). It was clear that she was hurting and she told me that she was a real mess. I confirmed the brak up but also told her that I was really upset etc... not in a needy way more compassionate and that i had not contacted her on purpose (I felt bad for making her feel this way). I did not mention that I wanted her back but said I no longer could live at this house because of the memories and the lonliness.
She then contacted me to meet up for a drink and sort out the house...her solution to move back in but live seperate lives. I ended up agreeing and we went over our relationship again, both apologising for our mistakes. WShe told me that she is still in love with me deeply but that love is not enough. We agreed that we are on an even playing field as we are both feeling a great loss. The only issue is that I want her back! Perhaps not straight away as I want to start a fresh. So what now? I think she might of consciously or subconsciously decided to move back in because she cannot take being away from me cold turkey so to speak. But she said it was for financial reasons.
So I have too options, I move out and pay the other half of the rent and say something like "this is what you wanted is it not." Then she will have to be lonely in our house. But will it seem that I am backing down?
Or live with her and change (as I am already in the process) but be distant or could try and make her fall for me without chasing her.
Very confused. Please help.
Ian
MY EX JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL SAYING!!!!!!
hey, will you ring me when you get this please i need to talk to you about your things here like the paper in the drawers and stuff im trying to sort it now so hopefully hear from you soon?
what section of the book do i read for help?????
please get back quickly!!
Could you tell me is this clean slate letter is apprioprate:
I acted crazy.You are right we shouldn't be together.I accept your decision its the best thing for both of us.Please forgive me that i didnt listen to you and that I hurt you feelings.Something incredible had happened in my life recenlty and I hope I could tell you that story in the future.
I will not call you and I will not text to you anymore.
I hope that we could be friend in the future.
Jane...sorry to hear you're going through the pain at the moment but I can't say if this will work. Time away from him looks the best course of action right now to at least get him missing you. Keep on with the book but also don't ignore yourself and at least try to get out with friends even though you may not want to.
Hi again
i know my ex wants to be friend but were still at n/c
i have been reading today that the best approach is to actually say no to being friends (in a nice way)
so that they cant have the best of both worlds? be friends or say no?? were going to talk soon and i want to knoww what to do?
My boyfriend broke up with me a little over a week ago, and I'm still trying to recover. He broke up with me because he was ashamed he couldn't spend more time with me. I asked him if he still liked me, and he said he doesn't like me as much as he used to.
The day before we broke up we were experiencing problems that I said I would talk out with him. Weeks before, he had lied to me multiple times for why he couldn't spend time with me. We had resolved that fight and he said he'd be more truthful, but I felt as if he were still hiding something. I felt like he was avoiding me or was just tired of me. When it came time to talk to him, I chickened out and avoided the subject. So he brought it up. I acted bitterly instead of talking through the problems, simply assuming he was avoiding me. He told me he was sick of feeling like crap when he couldn't be with me, so he ended it. I found out later he had been working extra during the time he couldn't spend with me to save up for an extra special date. He'd wanted to suprise me. While that is no excuse for lying to me before, it made me feel awful for how I'd treated him.
When we broke up we hugged for about an hour straight, holding each other and bawling. Both of us cried so hard we were shaking. And it made me wonder why he was so upset if he didn't like me anymore? I know he doesn't like anyone else in that way. He told me I was the most wonderful girl he'd ever met, and he sincerely said he wanted to stay friends.
Not only was the breakup difficult, but our social circles are strongly tied to one another, so I've lost many contacts that I used to have. My social life and love life have nose-dived, and it hurts because I still love him so much. I called him the next day, which I know you're not supposed to do, because I felt helpless. I told him I was so sorry for the misunderstanding, but he didn't respond to anything I said. I gave him a hand written letter that Monday saying what I know I did wrong in the relationship and asking him to give me another chance. Since then I haven't contacted him. I've tried to stay positive, but the breakup is killing me. Is there a chance we could ever get back together and what steps should I take to get there? Is it even worth trying? I think it is, because he had truly tried to change, but none of my friends think he's worth it.
Show him that I'm happy without him .. Much had made mistakes in this regard .. I would like to fix them and create a new relationship but do not want to impose .. Want it back he suggested. He broke claiming that it does not feel as before .. How am I supposed to behave according to you? For now, show him what he had lost by making the surroundings are ... I know it works because I see his eyes and then tries to make eye contact ...
rocker... not sure about your FB account. One thing you don't want to do is terrorize her with it. In fact, I would use it in a fashion which shows you are getting on with life. Make new friends and be happy on it.
Agniesia2692...I'm not totally sure I understand your situation. If he is an ex and you have been apart awhile and he's showing interest again the call is yours. Are you happy being without him? Think about what was bad being with him and what was good. Would you end up breaking up again? Your call for now.
James...you are really over-analyzing it at the moment. It won't resolve quickly. These things take time. Not sure I can add anymore and certainly don't want to give false hope. There is no guarantee that she will come back and I know this period is tough but give the book's advice a chance. If she comes to you wanting to get back together tomorrow for example, don't think you need to keep going with n/c. Sounds like she may be starting to miss you but again, it's hard to read just yet.
also shall i call or text her to say sorry for trying to kiss you last night? i could blame it on drink (i was in a pub) i feel life i have take 1 step forwards (no contact and having a good time) and 2 steps back (trying to kiss her and getting rejected and ending up crying today for the first time in a few days) she was crying alot is that a good sign? and she gave me a real long close hug? does this mean anything?
John...keep doing what you're doing as per the advice in the book. Get the feeling you two kind of forgot why you got together. Maybe go back to the things you did for each other when you started dating. Relationship maintenance is huge and something people too often ignore. As far as your chances, I don't want to give false hope as I don't know either of you but from what you say, it looks promising.
big problem
saw my EX by mistake last night even though its only been about 6 days, smiled at her she got angry, in the end she came over crying and said how sorry she was for braking my heart, i kept it real cool but eventually gave way and tried to kiss her to get rejected, have i ruined it forever please help my furture happines is at stake....
big problem
saw my EX by mistake last night even though its only been about 6 days, smiled at her she got angry, in the end she came over crying and said how sorry she was for braking my heart, i kept it real cool but eventually gave way and tried to kiss her to get rejected, have i ruined it forever please help my furture happines is at stake....
Hurtingbad... Well, it sounds like you are getting good signals and I think it's your call. if you do ask her out then keep the conservation on a friends level and just be a friend.
how can i handle my fb account thse days.i deletd it a mnth back and hve reactvatd it 6 days back?also b4 the letter she ws tlkng vrythng against me but aftr the letter she hs decided to no tlk anythng reltd to me wth her frnds and she hs been sticking to it.one of my frnds says tht she is nrml bcz in the letter i agreed wth the brk up and nt bcz u apologised in the letter.ths hasnt been told to her by my ex but ths is somethng she thnks as she is nt at all discussing abt me anymre.wht does ths means?
hw shud i manage my fb account during these days.i hd deleted it a mnth ago and restarted it 6 days back.
well my common frnd says tht aftr the n/c letter she is hpy tht finally its over nd i wont disturb her...
It's me again. We're not together last month and talked to each other ... The conversation was very nice and even sensed a note of jealousy .. And I do not know what to think because he looks different all the time, saying he regretted that squandered our chances .. What to do? To wait or let go?
Hey. I was with her boyfriend of 13 months, the entire compound he was the person who loves most. But a month before leaving, something began to fall apart .. Finally he broke by saying he did not know what it feels like but I do not want to wade in it so it was not too late .. A week after the break I learned that he met a girl on a social network .. Rather, it sprang to her but they were not together ... Now, he says to his colleague he regretted it all .. With me trying to catch the eye contact and I feel jealous as he sees me with some friend ... What do you think?
thanks for the advice
but just another point,when we started the no contact (which she desperately wanted and i didnt) i sent a text saying that i will always love her and if she wants no contact thats what she will have.....
does that mean that the no contact is pointless because she might thinks she is still is in 100% control?
please help
Hi, heres my story. My girlfriend of three years has just broken up with me. Things had been going bad since july but we patched things up and carried on. A month ago things got bad again we both admitted to cheating at certain points in the relationship (not full sex) and she told me she loved me but was not in love with me and she was uncertain of a future with me but couldnt live with out me. After a week apart (as we lived together)we decided to give things another go but I got needy that week and kept on over thinking everything it was a very up and down week. I realised that things had been going downhill for about a year and that we were in the comfort zone not really making the other feel appreciated and the spark had gone. After what seemed a better week she broke up with me. She said she had started liking someone else - this guy from work that had been giving her emotional support when things were bad with us. I kind of knew they were having a small emotional affair but when I asked her about it she said he was just a friend and it was me that she wanted.However, I questioned her about him a lot which probably pushed her thurther away. Luckily I had read the Magic of Making up when I knew things were going bad so when she broke up with me I sais ok. I was a little angry about what she told me about this other guy as I was not prepared for that. We met up the next day for a beer I told her that breaking up was right, that I saw it coming and was prepared, she said she didn't and wasn't. She cried lots and looked deeply into my eyes. I was confident, I joked made her laugh much like when we first met. To be honest it still felt like we were together I had that warm feeling I get when she is around and I think she felt it too. We hugged and said goodby and it was a big hug. I felt good walking away and she text me later telling me how awesome I had been. She then needed to come round the next day to collect some stuff - she was looking upset, down etc... she said this was the hardest thing she had ever done. She got her stuff and we both needed to go to the supermarket so I gave her a lift. We alsways went shopping together so it was awkward at the supermarket we both nearly kissed each other and she looked at me then looked away. I had a basket of healthy stuff hers was full of comfort food. I spoke of my new freedom and the jobs I could get she spoke of how she no longer wanted to be a teacher and was not sure of her future. We said good bye and I have told her I want to minimalise contact. But it is really starting to hurt - but I am doing all the good stuff - running making new friends etc... which is helping but I just want her back more than anything. I apologise for this long post but just writting it has made me feel a little better. What are my chances?
THANK YOU MAKING UP MAGIC! I'M GOING TO GO STAY WITH MY FRIEND FOR THE TIME SHE IS OUT HERE. THIS WAY I CAN WORK ON ME AND ONTINUE TO HEEL. AT THE END OF THE DAY I STILL HAVE A 11 MONTHS LEFT IN THE APARTMENT WITH HIM. I WILL START WITH THE LETTER AND N/C ( I WILL STAY WITH HER FOR ABOUT A MONTH). HE LEFT TODAY TO SPEND HALLOWEEN WITH HIS BESTFRIEND IN SAN DEIGO AND FOR THE LAST TWO WEEKS HAS BEEN GIVING MIX SIGNALS WITH HIS ACTIONS( LIKE COMPLAINING THAT I DON'T SPEND TIME WITH HIM OR TALK TO HIM OR COME IN OUR ROOM TO SLEEP, ALWAYS COMPLIMENTING ME AND WANTING TO COOK FOR ME) AND WHAT HIS SAYS TO ME. AND I THAT IS NOT WHAT I NEED. I'M GOING TO PUT FORTH MY BEST EFFORTS WITH THE BOOK SINCE I'VE ALREADY PURCHASED IT. THIS WOULD BE SO MUCH EASIER IF I DIDNT LIVE WITH HIM.
Sorry to be so confusing she is actually inviting me to the party which will be at about the time of 3 weeks NC, there still is a lot of contact but she is initiating all of it, I just answer back. It usually starts with business and then turns into how was your week or weekend coming from her and I answer and ask her back just to be friendly. I went to the house she lives in (we used to live in) to get a few of my things and I noticed that she had put a picture of her and I back up. Is it time to ask her if she wants to go out for coffee?
Rocker...sorry you're going through this emotional time. Here's the thing, the n/c is not 100% guaranteed. It's a tactic that works in some cases and not others but it's better than simply trying to contact an ex and trying to convince them they've made a mistake. Stick with what T Dub teaches in the book but be aware, sometimes it's not meant to be.
Hoping it works out for you.
James...yes, the book outlines what to do. The letter is a good step. AT least you'll know one way or the other. Be a friend for now although let her do the contacting. She needs to let some time pass between the split and the trauma of breaking up.
Rado...sorry to hear your plight. Honestly, I would be letting her go as she has given the indication already that she doesn't want to continue even after n/c. All you can do is heal from this and continue to be a friend if she wants you too. Just don't dwell on this too long.
Hurtingbad...N/C should be as it says and I'm just a little worried that after a few days that there is still a lot of contact. Maybe she is missing you but this is a little hard to read. To be honest, I would not have gone to the party but that's just my call. Also, be careful to let what other people think influence you. You obviously have a great relationship with her mom and that's good but in the end, it's going to be what your ex wants. Seen too many disasters where people stay together because it pleases others.
Hope it really works out and sorry for being straight to the point but give the n/c a chance.
MSA...I would leave it until your exams are over. It's your future we are talking about here. This will be just a miniscule moment in time when you look back. Again, if she misses you then she'll be in touch. If not, wait till the exams are over and follow the example in the book. You need to be putting yourself first. Hope you ace your exams!
Broken Hearted...as an outsider looking in and with what you've described it seems his heart is not in the relationship. Sounds like he is making excuses or simply isn't man enough to simply tell you straight out. Saying things such as he is not good enough for you is lame in my opinion. I'm sure you would rather be told up front to move on rather than waste time chasing something that's not there.
I really feel for you and hate the situation you're in where you don't know what your future together holds. Staying with your friend sounds a good idea. I know it will be hard but try and do other things and N/C him. If he truly misses you he will contact you.
Brenda...yes, the third party will be an issue. It sounds like he definitely has feelings for her. As far as letting him go, you need to make the call. If it was me, I would not want to be in a relationship thinking about when and what he says to someone else.
Josh...well, I would definitely leave it and let her come to you. If she shows interest, let her do the work to prove to you that she's right for you.
I was just wondering if the book talks about what to say to your ex when you meet up, how to react to what she has to say and detials of talking to her after the no contact??? thanks
m not getting smethng,plc clear out.i sent her d letter thru a frnd.she said tht she will try not to discus abt me nymre.nd since thn she hs dne tht.tday a frnd told her tht she hd met nd i was hpy tht mom's medical report is fyn.she hd no response.i mean her face was expressionless.cnfrm me the n/c rule is not hurting me adverse bcz m following vrythng
Hi
My girlfriend dumped me a few days ago, after making pretty much all the classic mistakes i have started to stick (for the last 2 days) religiously to the no contact rule, and have a good time.
Now should i wait until she gets back into contact with me even though (i made the big mistake and begged!!) she said i have “NO HOPE” she has also said she wants me to be her friend in the future and already loves me as a friend is it all to late? or should i get contact first with the letter option.....please help me
Halo I need help!
My girlfriend left me on 7 august she told me that she doesnt love so much as she should since then I've been doing the text message terrorism for a month then she told me she doesnt love me anymore..sigh...so I didnt contact her for a month..then Ive send her a text message that I love her and I send her a love letter (I apologize in it for my mistakes)..she didnt reply and she change her mobile number;/what should I do?I love her deeply.. I've got the e-book The magic of making up.sorry for any of my mistakes Im polish:)
Ok so after 4 days she contacted me at about 11 at night to ask me what I had decided to do on the furniture that I have cosigned on for her. I left it alone and did not contact her until the next morning. I told her we could put it on craigslist take the loss and just pay the excess to get out of the loan. She told me we would probably only get half of what we paid for it and asked if I wanted to take half and she would take half. I didn't text her back anything so she texted me back with I need your address to send an invite to come to her moms bday party. I told her that I haven't thought about it much and I would let her know about the furniture, and that I would go to her moms party send the invite to my address in another town. She told me she would just give me the invite by hand on Sunday, when I have to move out. I simply wrote back Ok thats fine tank you, thinking the conversation was over. She writes back to welcome me that its going to be fun and she is inviting 2 more of my friends as well. I told her cool sounds like fun and asked what band waqs playing. She told me and then asked how my weekend was and how my week is going. I told her and asked how hers was she basically told me that she didn't really do anything. I have yet to respond since her last text. Mysteriously enough her mother called me write before the last text I got from her and told me that my ex was in the store and she was calling me real quick to see how I was doing. I told her I was great the pain had wore off quite a bit and didn't really ask much about my ex I let her tell me about her. Her mother cried to me and said she wished her daughter would see the light and we would end up back together because she always wanted me as her son-in-law. I told her that it would be alright it feels like tides may be turning and that we would probably end up back together. Do you think that I messed up by telling her this? Tomorrow will be day 10 of NC and sometimes I feel really great but sometimes I feel really horrible. I think that this is going to be one of the hardest weekends because she is having her high school reunion, going to a halloween party, and then I have to see her on Sunday to move my stuff out. I just feel as if she is going to do something stupid, however it could just be the state I'm in right now I may be overanalyzing things. O yeah I also told her mom that I haven't done anything stupid nor am I looking for anyone, she told me that my ex has done the same and has stayed at their house most of the time since I left. I don't know if my ex knew or found out about the call, but I have a feeling that she did. What is your take on this it seems as if she is wanting to talk to me but has not came crawling back to me yet? When do you know if you have gave them enough NC?
sir its around 5 days i gve her the letter.i ws feeling nice but i went sad again when i cme to knw tht she had throwing all thngs around to her new frnds about my character.but after the letter she hasnt been discussing anythng.one of my frnds told me as if i was used and thrown by her.i shudnt have been discussing but it just came.well m hvng fun and doing vrythng as per the book.i knw ill soon gain grip.
and plz tell me,i gve her the letter on 22nd octobr.as per the free plan i shud wait her to initiate the contact and if not then i shud do it.i just wntd to ask sir,tht till hw much time i shud wait for the contact from either side.exams are starting from 8th november and it will go till 26th november and then the college resumes from 9th december.so shud i wait till 9th december from my side of contact and till then i shud her to initiate?
HELLO! MY EX SPLIT UP WITH ME ABOUT A MONTH AGO. WE SHARE AAPARTMENT AND I'VE ALREADY TRIED TO SEE IF I CAN GET OUT OF THE LEASE; BUT I AM UNABLE TO. HE SAID HE SPLIT WITH ME BECAUSE HE NEEDED TO FOCUS ON HIS GOALS AND THAT RELATIONSHIP TITLES STRESS HIM OUT. HE IS TRYING TO BECOME A FITNESS MODEL AND I'VE ALWAYS SUPPORTED HIS DREAM AND ASSISTED IN BUYING SUPPLEMENTS AND ENCOURAGE HIM TO REACH NEW GOALS AT THE GYM AND GET HIS TRAINNING LICENCE. HE SAID HE COULD NOT CONCENTRATE B/C HE FELT HE WAS NOT GIVING ME THE TIME THAT I DESERVED AND WOULD WORRY ABOUT HOW I FELT ABOUT THE LITTLE TIME WE SPEND. HE ALSO SAID THAT WHEN WE ARGUED (WHICH HAS BEEN AT MOST 4 TIMES) HE FELT LIKE HE WAS NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME. THE BREAK UP WAS SOO UNEXPECTED THAT IT HAS LEFT ME CONFUSED DUE TO THINGS HE WOULD TELL ME EVERYDAY WHILE WE WERE TOGETHER EVEN UP TO THE DAY WE HAD A MEANINGLESS ARGUMENT. ALL OF OUR MUTUAL FRIENDS ARE SHOCK B/C HOW MUCH HE SAID HE LOVED BEING WITH ME AND HOW MUCH FUN WE HAD TOGETHER. HE TOLD A NON MUTUAL FRIEND THAT HE FELT THAT I CROSSED THE LINE IN THE ARGUEMENT B/C HE FEELS I CALLED HIM IGNORANT ( I TOLD HIM THAT HE CAN SAY IGNORANT AND SELFCENTERED THINGS THAT HURT ME BUT I KNOW HE DOESN'T MEAN IT SO I DON'T BRING IT UP MOST OF THE TIME). I ALSO KNWO HE WAS HAVING TROUBLE AT WORK WITH TRYING TO MAKE FRIENDS AND FEELING BETRAYED BY THE FEW THAT HE MADE THERE. IT'S TO THE POINT THAT HE RECENTLY QUIT HIS JOB. COULD HE HAVE FELT THAT WITH OUR FEW ARGUMENTS THAT I'VE HURT HIM SOO MUCH THAT WE CAN'T MEND THIS?? IM NO LONGER SLEEPING IN OUR ROOM AND SLEEP IN THE LIVING ROOM. HE MENTION AFTER THE BREAKUP THAT HE WANTS TO BECOME SUCCESSFUL AND RICH THEN CHOOSE WHO WANTS TO SETTLEDOWN WITH. AND WHY WOULDN'T HE CHOOSE ME IF I'VE BEEN THE BEST GIRL HE HAS EVER DATED AND TREATED HIM THE BEST OUT OF ALL HIS RELATIONSHIPS. HE ALSO SAID SOMETIMES WHEN HE LOOKS AT ME HE FEELS LIKE I'M TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE. IF THIS IS THE CASE WHY WOULD YOU HOLD ONTO ME IS WHAT I THINK. RIGHT AFTER THE BREAK UP I SPENT TWO WEEKS AT A FRIENDS HOUSES. ABOUT A WEEK AGO I PURCHASED EBOOK. IS IT TOO LATE TO APPLY T.DUBS METHOD?? CAN I MAKE THIS WORK WHILE STILL BEING IN A ONE BEDROOM APARTMENT?? I HAVE A FRIEND IN THE MILITARY WHO WILL BE OUT HERE FOR ABOUT A MONTH, IS IT A GOOD IDEA LEAVE THE LETTER AND GO AND STAY WE HERE FOR THE TIME THAT SHE IS OUT HERE?? I WOULD REALLY LIKE US TO MEND OUR RELATIONSHIP AND WORK OUT WAYS WE CAN COMMUNICATE WHEN BOTH EMOTHIONS ARE RUNNING HIGH. AM I TOO LATE??
This is Brenda again. I did not send the X-BF the 2nd letter yet (that Lena recommended). He called last nite and I ignored the call. He left no message. I know that he's been skyping a married Gal in Germany. When we first met he admitted that she contributed to the breakup of his previous marriage (his 3rd marriage). He never answered my question as to how long he has known her but I know it's been many years. I know he has a deep emotional attachment to her. This is a problem for me. If we got back together he would still be emotionally attached to her. Do you think I should just let him go?
Thanks for the quick response.. needed to hear some of that from someone i dont know. So based on what you know.. would you just leave it alone and dont bother drawing out a plan to try to get her back?
Josh...sorry to hear things aren't going well in your relationship. If I can cut to the chase, I'm thinking this girl isn't for you until she commits to the relationship. She seems like wanting her cake and eating it too. Then there's the issue of trust and when that's broken it's tough to deal with unless you both commit. With a child involved most would say go back and give it a try but seriously, one committed person in a relationship isn't good enough and I get the feeling you really know in your heart which path you need to take.
Brenda...Lena has answered you perfectly and there's not much more I can add. Hoping it works out well either way but do as Lena suggests and maintain emotional control.
Lena...stick to your guns. I feel for you and understand what you want from him but a lifetime committment is a fully committed one and you are right to be wanting him to have both feet in the relationship especially where there are children involved. Not sure how this will go and if it was meant to be but you are being strong which is refreshing to see.
Hurtingbad...stay with the N/C, you need to give it a chance to work. Yes, it sounds like she is missing you but that's normal in this situation especially when two people have been together. As far as her texting you avoid getting into a long drawn out conversation. Be a friend as you have been and encourage her but if this N/C is to be followed then avoid follow up questions on your part.
So..trying to decide if this book would even help. I was with a girl for 4 years and we had a child together..she started partying a lot and I got mad at her and told her to move out if shes not going to respect me and not come home. 2 weeks later i see on my phone bill shes talking to another guy... I cancelled her phone, credit card, and took my car back... gave her 5K to go get a car. It's now been almost 3 months... I did the text messaging, calling, etc. and made it worse... shes now hanging out with this guy more and even goes as far as not taking our son on our days because shes likely with him... but makes up excuses constantly that I catch her lying about. She was shopping with her mom... doctor... etc. which were all lies. I did the card to tell her i agreed to be over.. and when i went to pick up my son she said maybe the 3 of us could go get his halloween costume. Then i told her we really didnt have that much in common and she argued against that... I'm still trying to figure out if this is really worth trying or to just move on and forget it. Right now I'm just devistated...
i waited one month and then handed over the letter to our common frnd who gve it to her.but b4 recieving the letter she was constantly blaming me for everythng.she evn sent me a msg thrugh her tht i shud stay away from her and her family.just b4 a day i gve her the letter thru our common frnd.she said nw when the letter wud reach her then it wud seem as if i sent her the letter bcz she sent me the msg.the msg was vry properly written and sincere,with me agreeing to the brk up and then my apologies for my blunders and then tht i hd several exciting thngs in my life,hoping tht we cud be frnds again.i thnk nw the letter mde her realisd tht she shudnt hve sent tht msg even after month.and she shudnt hve been blaming me all tht time uselessly.i dnt knw but i suppose the letter might hve worked tht way.nw its 4 days since the letter.lets see wht happens.
Hi Brenda,
I would not initiate anything about the transaction. You could wait for him to bring it up. If he wants to talk to you, here is an opportunity right there. And if when he does, it'd be better to have a friend or a family member take care of this for you so you can have very minimum contact with him. He will not truly miss you until he feels for himself what it is like to be losing you for real.
Thanks Lena for your response. The only problem is that I am still driving my ex's car. He has agreed to trade it to me for an RC plane collection which I bought him as a future gift (while we were still together). I would like to complete the transaction before I get stuck with a bunch of planes that I don't care for. Am not sure how to have no contact and take care of this.
Hi Brenda,
I just read your story. It seems to me that after you indicate that you still love him ("I email & tell him that the best gift you can give someone whom you love is what they want"), he feels that he still has you and you don't really want the break up. And when you ask him to call you when he is ready, you further give up the control to the situation. It would have been better to be evasive when he asked if you still agreed, and said something like "why not", or just remain silent and non responsive.
So the best thing to do now might be send him another brief letter, saying that you were caught up in the moment the last time, that you think of it again and yes, you believe that break up is the best thing for both of you. Then ask him not to contact you as you need to make some important decision and will be in touch when YOU (not him) are ready.
After that, stay on track and not to give in and take his bait ever again, until you sort it all out and have your emotion in complete control. It should take at least 1 month. Some expert says that it takes on average 6-8 weeks (1.5-2 months) for the emptiness to settle in. Take it slow even then.
Good luck!
Early in September my ex old that she did not think I was he one for her and that she didn't think she could fall in love with me. We were living together and we continued to say we were together until the beginning of October when she decided to break up with me. I tried to stay away from her as much as I could, I would leave as soon as she got home and never called or texted her anymore. I did this for about a week then when out Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night. I come home Sunday night and went in the room to get some covers which woke her up. She told me that this was going to have to end and we got in a huge argument in which I called her every bad name in the book and she actually ended up punching me in the face (I couldn't blame her). We were laying in bed and I thought that everything was back to normal, but she got up, took our dog, and left. Some time in the fight I told her I was going to move out, so the next morning she came home and told me to get my stuff and move out. I got up and begged and pleaded with her, but nothing would work so I grabbed my clothes and left to stay at my friends house. I came to my friends house got something to eat then took a shower, as soon as I got out of the shower I she texted me and told me she wanted to start over and try to make it work. I told her I wanted to take some space and she said that it was funny that I wanted to take some space after going out all of them nights and asked me if I was cheating. I told her of coarse I would never do that to her. I stayed at my friends for about 3 days then of coarse went back home. I got her a troubled relationship card and told her I was truly sorry about everything I had done like lying to her about doing drugs one time and fighting with her. She was going out with her girlfriends that Saturday night, so I decided to go out with my friends. I asked her if she was coming home that night and she said she probably would. I ended up staying the night at my friends house that I had been staying with. She did not like this and ended the relationship again after a week. We had a talk the next day and she told me some of the things she didn't like about me which were little things and easy fixes. I thought everything was alright again. The next day I texted her to ask how her day was and asked her if we needed anything at the house. She said maybe water and then said aren't you moving out tomorrow. We ended up going back and forth and I spilled my guts to her and begged her back, she would not comply so I finally just said your right I need to move on sorry about bugging you, if you ever want to hang out let me know. She replied with, "sounds good...about to eat sushi...we will talk soon." I then started NC the next day she called me to see if I would go to the house to meet the people who are supposed to fix the furniture. I didn't call her back until later and told her I was sorry I left my phone in the truck she then asked me if I was coming to the house tonight, in which I told her probably not, and asked if she was going to be at the house in which she said no. Two days of NC went by and she texted me to ask how the rest of my week was I told her it was pretty good, very busy and asked her how hers was. She said, "busy, I have all A's at school can you believe it?" The rest of the conversation went like this, me "Good deal...proud of you...keep it up and you will be in nursing school in no time." Her, "Right! Have a good wknd...:)" Me, "Thank you, you do the same." Her, "Yay...yay...not doing much! Imagine that...haha! You still plan on moving Sun?" Me, "lol thats not like you. May have to wait till next Sunday, if thats ok, I have an insane amount of homework I have to have done by Tuesday?" Her, "Thats cool...dad is looking to buy the house and I found a little duplex to move into...it will all work out! Prolly move 1st wknd in Nov!" Me, "Oh that's cool, I'm sure it will all work out, I will definately have it out by Nov. 1." Her, "That's cool alright back to homework I go...woohoo! Me, "Lol sounds like fun you should be watching the rangers head to the world series woohoo!" Now 3 days later I haven't herd anything back, it has now been 6 days since I have started NC and she has contacted me twice. What do you get from them texts does it seem like she is missing me and maybe possibly thinking about wanting me back? Should I contact her back or just let her keep doing the contact? I'm really confused and really hurt. Sorry post is so long just wanted to give you the details of the things that happened.
Typo in my previous post ... we broke up 3 weeks ago.
My BF of 2 yrs broke up with me 2 weeks ago. After 1 week he emailed me a request for counseling. I agreed and he never responded. After 2 weeks we went on a bike ride together (my invitation). It was very nice and he asked if I'd spend Thanksgiving at his family's vacation home as a "friend". He said that we would be sleeping in separate beds. I declined friendship as it would hurt me to see him date others. His family likes me and I think he didn't tell them about the breakup. I wrote him the letter agreeing with the breakup. After 3 weeks he texts that he has changed his mind and asks if we can communicate? He asked if I still agree with the breakup. I email & tell him that the best gift you can give someone whom you love is what they want. I tell him to call when he is ready. Now there is nothing, nada, no calls. I am afraid I've messed up w/too much communication. I've bought the book & read it but am not sure what to do now?
Hi MakingUpMagic,
I read your blog and appreciate your advices to everyone. I'd love to get your insights and hear your opinion on how much my case can be helped by the book.
I've been with a man for almost 4 years and am deeply in love with him. For the past 2 years, I have been pressing for a lifetime commitment and not gotten it. We both are divorced and have children (mine are younger, his are grown by not entirely independent). He said he loved me but did not want the lifestyle of raising children at this point of his life. He would not even say that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.
About 3 months I told him that I was not going to be in the relationship forever (not even into next year) if he could not commit to me. I also told him that I was interested in dating someone else. He was stressed and wanted to make a decision about what to do.
About one month ago we broke up because that night he said he was frustrated about how to take our relationship to the next level and he was unhappy. I left and was ready to move on. The very next day he was looking for me and wanted to talk over things, sounding devastated, saying that he loved me and wanted a life with me. I emailed him not to contact me as I needed to think over things.
A week later (3 weeks ago), I contacted him and he was so happy. I said that I did not want to go back to the old relationship any more and instead needed to know that he got both his feet in the relationship. He said he began to envision our life together because he missed me so much, that nobody had loved him like I did and I had been a great girlfriend. At the end of the day, he was not there to commit yet. He said he did not know where and how he got stuck and could not make himself fully committed to me for a future together.
I told him that we should part ways if we wanted different things in life. He asked me to give him 2 more weeks because maybe he would have a break through. Two weeks later (last week), he emailed me to say hi and said that he was working on becoming a better person and that I was in his heart always. I responded 2 days later in email briefly with "good for you! I wish you the best..." We have had no contact since.
What do you think of the situation, my dear MakingUPMagic? I really love this man and want a life with him. His keeping himself not fully available to me pushes me away. I will be strong if this is not meant to be. I don't have the Magic of Making Up book and am not sure if it can help me as I am not exactly being dumped.
Thanks very much!
To everyone...just letting you know I may not be able to get to this page very often. Working on a couple of projects...one is a social networking site for broken hearts called RomanceBlues.com and the other a relationship videos site.
Why not head over to Romance Blues and sign up for free and pick up a couple of free reports in the download section. Would love to get some interaction going in the forum and that's where I'll be reading and answering posts. Hope to see you there.
toohurt...sounds like he does have self esteem issues going on what you say. We have seen this before on this page. Men crave respect and when they are in that mode any hint of someone not paying them the attention they want can have a negative impact on them.
T Dub's contact info should be with the product you received. The book can definitely be a great help. Feel for what you're going through but get the feeling this can work out with the help of the MOMU.
Qwerty...That's all you can do for now. There is a ton of advice floating around out there and basically, it all says the same thing.
Hi!! I have purchased the book and then thought I live with my ex and we are both in a position to where we can't move. I have a little money saved and thinking i should rent a room for a month. Do you think I can put this to use when we are in the same roof? And where is T. Dub contact info? Tell me what you think? We have dated for a year (he had a crush on me for about a year before asking me out) we have had about 4 arugements in that year together. And the argument that ended us was a argument I tried hard to aviod. He just kept trying to figure out what was wrong with even though I repeated my self that nothing was wrong and I wanted to finish enjoying the day with him. That morning he was filled with compliments to me. When he broke up with me he said that he had no fight in him any longer and that I escalted all the fights. That I always had something to say back and when we had arguments he felt he wasn't good enough. That hurt me to hear b/c we always told each other caring and great things. He said he feels he can't provide for me and that i've accomplished more than her has (which isnot true. i've always told him that I love how he did well in real estate at such a young age. There are so many things that he has over come that makes him amazing. He does have abit of self esteem and confidence issue. He said that I am the best girl he ever dated and no one has treated him so great. So it confuses me that he can say that he feels that he is not good enough. I started to read the book and realize when we argue i didn't really listen to what he was saying. And now i feel that i've messed up a great thing. He said he doesn't want me to move out and we can be great friends again and roommate. He also told me that I'm not even the "type" of girl and he's not my type of guy ( he's Puerto Rican and I'm Ethiopian). I couldn't believe he said this after he crushed on me for a year and then asked me for 6 months straight while we were dating to be his girlfriend. He said that he needs to be a man achieve his goals and doesnt want the stress of relationship titles. ANd real men don't think with their heart when they have goals to achieve then they can choose a girl to be with. I couldn't believe this. I've always encouraged him and rooted for him. I put a blow up bed in the living room the day after we broke up. How can I be this amazing girl that he told all his friends and brother about? They were shocked also that he broke things off. The week before we broke up I suprised him with a early bday gift and before I even gave it to him we went to pick out a dress for me to where for his bday and he told me "I love you so much and you have been a great girl that has always supported me and believed in me and helped me out so much. I'm happy to be with you.
Now he acts like the break up doesn't even hurt him. Will this book work for me?
I havent been at the apt much , ive been renting rooms and satyed at a friends house while she went on vaction.
if you can email me at savoux@gmail.com
hi sir there is another guy running a blog on net who helps in getting ex back.his name is S.williams.he just said tht the letter of MOMU isnt tht effective.i mean the clean slate method which wanted to include the six thngs in the letter.he told me tht i should write letters in the format like ths:
Hi,
I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.
but i think tht wud hve worked when i hadnt panicked.but i have panicked and after one month or so i hve sent her the ;letter as per the MOMU guidelines by tw jackson.hope i did right.
i thnk u r right.m overthnkng on the matter
the common frnd ryt nw is her vry gud frnd.so she thnks tht ths commn frnd is hating me too.i gt a plan,hope its ryt.tht common frnd will tell her tht i hd met her few days back and i ws completely normal and vry mature.she will say to her tht i was behaving as i used to and tht was very gud.she will also add tht i wasnt tlkng abt her anymore and then she had to ask me herself if i were thnkng abt my ex anymre.she will then tell her tht i wasnt thnkng but yes i hve dne blunders in her life,so by behavng oddly i cant hurt her further and staying away is the best i can do.ths will gve the punch tht im very eased out and normal.and then she gve the letter to my ex saying he just gve this saying to plz forward ths letter to u so tht he cn lower his guilt.hope ths plan is fine bcz nw over month is over since i contacted her.and moreover aftr ths letter i wont be meeting her for a longer time to prove tht im implementing the letter.even though she is initially thnkng m acting thrugh ths letter,but slowly she will realise tht i m really normal and i meant the letter.hope the plan is right sir?
ths is bcz during the holidays i thought she wud be missing me or so or her anger might hve lowered down.but she is still angry and nw cmng to the extent of pointing out at my character.my common frnd said tht she might thnk tht after the holidays he is distrbing me again.im thnkng tht when our common frnd gve her the letter she shud tell her tht i hd gvn ths letter to her a month ago b4 the holidays but she is giving tht to her now.may be she will then feel sorry for still being angry this holidays
my letter will reach her nw.it is ovr 1 month i met her.and the letter wud be sent by our common frnd.but our cmmon frnd ws saying tht she is angry wth me nd smewhr hating me and consequently all men.i dnt thnk giving ths letter to her is right.wait few mnths mre.i said tht by tht time thngs will rot in her mind.just gve her the letter.let her think and introspect,nomatter even if she tears the letter apart.ill gve her months thereby by not meeting her.bcz if u gve it 2 mnths later.then it wud mean i will hve to start implementing and not meeting her frm tht time.and if u gve it now thn i cn begin proving frm now.im following magic of making up nd feeling better and confident and optimistic.but sometimes i get sad and as if those thoughts just take me back.i resist but sometimes it happens.bcz a lot she hd told me and she is poiting mistakes on me for everythng tht wasnt a mistake.feeling sad tht she thnks like ths.hope this is normal and she will realise thngs herself.
msa...letter is great...totally sincere and unconditional.
Ritz...wow, you are certainly nervous about this and I don't blame you. Seriously, you are over-thinking things at the moment. Remember, the letter is not a guarantee that things will get back to normal. It's a bridge you are testing after giving her some time to think and possibly miss you. Right now though, just be a friend and see where the letter leads to.
i sent ths letter sir.hope its not wrong.i so nervous
HI surbhi!!
it’s been a few weeks and I must say it was very emotional.I wanted to tell you that i have seriously thought on it.I understand why you break this friendship.i agree to it and i respect it.
I have created blunders in your life even before ur bhaiya came to know and continued when you had nicely conveyed your mom's message.I misunderstood your efforts for me,using harsh and insulting words.i shouldn't have blackmailed u by my life and health(fainting) to gain your attention. urvashi, by not understanding,i broke your faith and trust and emphasised on something that was so immature. u had given me the responsibility of ur safety but i took it to the level of binding for u.I must have known that in our friendship,we cherished only good memories.And in just few months of a 'relation',we have enough bad memories.we were sent to be just best friends.I potrayed untrue things to our friends.i preffered my madness over you and killed my intellect.u were right,i shouldnt have involved friends.i forgot your values for relations and god. though i respect ur family,still i hurt ur sentiments and obligations towards them.in my panic state whenever i tried normalising things,i ended up screwing things in ur life.i feel ashamed that i misbehaved with u that made things public and hurt ur self respect.i had degraded myself.i even blamed neha for my mistakes.i brought pallavi,disrespecting ur efforts of over an year.I shouldn't have reminded u of ur past, by meeting u twice.i had gone ZIDDI and lost the charm of ur best frnd.vipul was right,u tried for a positive end,instead,my botches took ur family away.u must have been hurt or maybe beyond that,angry and frustrated.the guilt is enough,for i hurt someone who expected so much from me.if possible,do accept my sincere apology.
i have realised that i must respect ur wonders in my life,especially ur efforts for my health and happiness,and be the ankit an year ago.well,exciting things have happened!!something i would like to share someday.the best i can do is to stay away so u can only work on ur relations with family with optimism.i hope that at some point of time we can be friends again.
goodbye and take care.
with lots of best wishes!!
Ankit
one of my friends who is common to both of us said tht i shud not create more problems in her life.she says tht ur and her relationship cannot get to the level that it was.i hd a built a strategy tht included tht common friend.ofcourse she is a girl.but now m afraid nd getting tnsd again.perhaps m nt prepared yet.wht shud i do?
m going cautious,the letter is hand written,A4 coloured sheet,handwirtten with hand made borders and a bit of decoration...hope thts fine...
she had been a very good girl.but since the fight with me she created a facebook account.i mean she had made tht previously but due to abuses she deleted it.she used to add only girls and brothers and me.i knw mking fb account is nt bad.bt the fact is she never tlkd to unkwn guys.but here she started adding unkwn people and vry1.m not added.she had said to our common frnd tht she wont listen to any and why wud she.it is ths tht is bothering some of the time.bcz these guys hd once abused er and she was depressed.m nt getting is tht wht she is doing is an outburst or she is showing all tht to me?
m feeling damn anxious.i dont know how she wud hve mde up her mind in these holidays.dunno if she might be hating me a lot by now or not
u had told me not to gve her the letter until the holidays end.so m waiting.hope she just dont get thngs so deep in her mind tht she never comes back.just a bit nervous sometimes.what if she just throws it or ignore it
hey i have written the letter as per the guidelines by tw jackson.the letter is one and a half pages in the colored A4 sheet...is that fine.i hve accepted the brk up in first para and said i agree and respect it.the 2nd para is about the mistakes she think i have done.she has a lot of confusion abt me including my own blunders tht i accept.i have accepted bth of thm.so its because of this the letter has elongated.but i hve sincerely apologized and said tht the guilt of hurting her is enough for me.in the last para,i have written tht i hve mde few chnges and exciting thngs have happend.also tht i shoud gve her time and space.the last line says tht life is long and i hope that at some point we can be friends again.is that right?i was also thnkng to end it with a phonic conversation tht we used to have whenever she usd to call me.i used to ask somethng and she used to reply to it.just 2 sentences.should i add to mke it look cute in the end or should i not as bcz it may remind her of the past and irritate her further?or should i mail u the letter first so tht u cn go thru it first.if yes then can i hve ur mail id.thnx for the help till here!!
Makingupmagic..really thanx for your reply
but..need to ask you,what makes you tell that he moved on? and i was trying for letting this go_trying hard_ but i couldn't..the problem is with me..not able to move on,,not able to forget,,and completely depressed from over loving him,how could I use the book for another relationship in a time that i could't even think about some body else.. I think he is single now..and if he moved on..is that making getting him back impossible?or unethical?and the magic faded??
sorry for long..thanx again
Mic... wouldn't worry too much. N/C just happens to fall around that time. If she's missing you then it won't matter. The idea of N/C is to get them missing you again.
Diggindeep... definitely play it cool. Obviously show interest in what she's been up to as a friend. You'll definitely get a feel for how she still feels. She'll need to come to you. Don't be nervous.
Salyjame...A year is a long time. To be totally honest, I'd love to say yes but the truth is, he has more than likely moved on. In fact, do you know if he is in another relationship? If so, I would seriously think about letting this go. The book will be an excellent guide to future relationships especially from a maintenance point of view.
Ritz...colored paper should be fine.
Hi! I noticed that the end of my NC is a few days before my birthday. Won't it be weird or awkward if I we got together around the time of my birthday or a few days after my birthday? Will she think of it as kind of leverage for me to ask her out?
makingupmagic...just found out I have to be home for a football game October 22 (they're recognizing our state championship team)...it'll be the first time I'm in the same place as my ex since the breakup. How do I act? Do i actively seek her out for a smile/conversation or just play it cool and if she wants to talk, let her come to me? This has caught me way off guard so I'm a little nervous.
Hi...I just need an advice..My boyfriend left one year ago..is the time factor would ruin my chance to get him back??I bought the book yesterday but I need to now before I start following it..besides,My Ex sends me an apology three month after the break up..a month later he ask me to be friends and he said that he missed me..then,he never ask this again,,to months ago he stopped texting me..i am afraid that he completely lost his interest.I am so in love with him,,i couldn't move on or see some one else.. plz tell me if it possible to get him back after a YEAR from the break up!!!is the time factor important..
hey!! am thinking of writting a letter in a colored A4 sheet with pen with a bit of decoration.is that right?
Need Magic Advice...yes, that's quite a predicament. You've basically answered your question. Confident behavior will trigger curiosity rather than looking needy and desperate. Be a friend though as that will also earn great respect.
Sam...appreciate the comments but have you actually read the book...no, I mean really read the book. There are thousands of testimonials to back up what the author teaches in helping people get back together with their ex. And what sets this book apart from most is the fact it does teach you to get over your ex if it doesn't work out plus a relationship maintenance section. Healing from a break up is vital.
I appreciate books like the Magic Of Making Up could hurt your future plans as a marriage therapist but the truth is, give me advice from someone who has been in the trenches and has life experience than someone who has done all their training in a classroom.
Thanks for commenting.
Angerloss1974...Sorry to hear about your break up problems. In short, it might be worth focusing on yourself at the moment. From what you say, you have driven him away because of your insecurities. Commom problem. Eventually, it will have an effect and I guess for now you need to let him have his space and then decide if it's a relationship you really want to pursue. Constant bickering now is not a good sign for a long term relationship.
Sam... If you have better advice, please let us know.
Seriously, this book makes me worry for human relationships. I am in grad school to get my MFT (Marriage & Family Therapist license to practice,) and I have had so many patients quote and/or reference this book it's not even funny. That made me curious, and then I went through a rather painful breakup of my own, and I decided it was time to check it out.
This book is seriously, SERIOUSLY not worth anyone's time or money. It is literally the exact same advice you would get from a friend or from the internet (for free!) Basically, it tells you to give your ex space (duh,) look as good as you can (there's an entire chapter on diet & exercise tips) and date other people (yet another chapter on how to date other people.)
This is a book about how to get over your ex, not how to get your ex back. There is very little information about reconciling or understanding the logistics of why you or your partner had a problem, why you want to get back together, and how you can reconnect if you choose to do so.
For the most part, this book prepares you to get OVER your ex... I suppose the author figures that if you follow the advice, you won't want your ex back anyway, so you won't complain or ask for a refund?
It's a cop-out. Please, if you're hurting over a breakup, use the $30 to talk to someone who will give you better advice than "exercise and eat your vegetables."
What if my ex and I were both casted as leads in our colleges musical... So how can i do no contact when we're forced to interact? We dated for almost 3 years, so i want to do whatever i can to get us back together... I'm assuming i just keep it professional and not talk to him about 'us'? And act confident? and be social?
Is there a way to use this limited contact to my advantage?
Thanks so much!
Oh and when he broke up with me, i kind of didnt believe it; but then i was like OK, bye. i left, and decided to join our common friends knowing he was invited elsewhere. The next day we were all gathered up and after a while he wanted to bicker again about me going out and having fun and dancing and not caring. Today i asked him why he was upset he was like i don't know, cant do this anymore I am just angry.
My story: me and my best friend got into a rltshp 9 months ago. Due to some unsolved issues i have and insecurities, i would get jealous every time he would give any other female attention. We would fight cuz i would give him attitude and he would get furious with me. We reached a point that he finally told me that we need to take a break and be single. That he was no longer himself (social); and that he can't do this anymore cuz he became too angry. this final month he would just bicker with me when drunk and he would know that there was no reason other than his anger at me. He claims he stopped talking to women or wanting to go out cuz he was avoiding any fights and issues. He broke up with me 2 days ago, and says he can't do it since he is too angry. Do i have a chance in hell to make amends? Mind you we hang around the same people, we are best friends - so it's hard to stay away. Any input? Can a man who loves you dearly break up with you for such a reason?
Ritz...obviously you have been through plenty of emotional stress over this girl. Follow the guidelines in the book. Write the letter and then wait. If no contact you initiate contact and set up a meeting. Here's the thing. It sounds like she has moved on so don't get your hopes too high. I know you are hurting. If this doesn't produce a positive outcome for you start the healing process and begin focusing back on yourself.
Diggindeep...stick to your schedule. Not sure where this could be heading yet and knowing once and for all we certainly be a big relief. Know it's hard when slight contact occurs occasionally but get the feeling she may contact you again before your target date.
Trish...from what you say then it seems like he has moved on. The idea of no contact is to get them missing you again. It's not a guaranteed solution but is usually effective in many cases. Have you got the book? Might be time to try the second chance letter and know once and for all where he stands. If it doesn't work out then you can move one and meet the person you are really meant to be with.
magic of making up...i want to tell u everything for perfect suggestions
it all started with a frnshp with her.her name is urvashi.we were very good frnds throughout the year.talked on phone for hours and spent a lot of time together in the college.one day one of my messages were caught by her mom.and i must admit that her mom is real conservative.she started dominating her.though she didnt know it was from me as i had sent it from an unknown number.though urvashi knew it was from me.now trouble started as her mom was now insisting on marriage.she wan ted her to get married.urvashi was now in depression and i was like giving all the support in the world to her.all these happened when we both were in at home during holidays.her father intervened and becz of him she was just given a last warning that she shouldnt brk their trust again.when the college started.she was just very angry with herself and broken.i was helping her and giving her all the fun she needed.and it was during this time we realised tht we were in love with each othr.but one day her cell got switched off and her mother was tnsd tht she was wth her boyfrnd.again a msg frm her frnd was caught tht was vulgar.now her parents were furious.later after 2-3 weeks her brother found out tht it was me who was with her.she was given all the warnings to stay away frm me.
i was telling her to wait 2 yrs so tht after graduation i could just convince her parents.but she was too afraid.thngs soon got too much complicated until she had to call and tell me tht its over and we have to seperate.i was heart broken.we had arguments but by now she was now a miles away.i told her tht my lover part would never forgive u but yes by frnd part will always wait for u.so come back when u feel like.i didnt meet her for over a mnth.but cme to knw tht she had gone psycho and wanted to ruin herself.she just bcme too nrmal with a guy who was approaching her for an year.i went to her and told her tht i am listening everything ur saying but now dont force me to die by doing such things.she was furious again.i made her normal no matter whatever she said.i had even to act like fainting etc to convince her.that day she ws nrmal but later she was angry tht i am blackmaling her and tht i am acting too much.
after one week i met her again.and tht day she was furious again.she told me tht y r u coming and reminding me thngs from past.i just dnt want to be with u and u have broken my trust.i even held her elbow tht how can she think somethng like this.she just left me there and went away.
she has a common frnd named richa.she has been with her all the time during ths phase.i was thnkng tht she is involved in all these but she was helping me rather.during ths time i was so depressed but at the same time i came to knw abt tw jackson.i read magic of making up thrice.and then i realised me mistakes.i met richa and told her what blunders i have done.i am really sry to whatever mistakes i hve dne with urvashi.and also that i am normal now and im happy and wonderful thngs r happening.i explained her abt the magic of making up.and told her tht i am going to write a letter to her as per the guidelines.she said if u want to send tht to her then do it now bcz by then thngs will just rot in her mind.i thought on it.in the meantime richa met urvashi and told her tht ankit was normal today and he has moved on.she said she is happy but simultaneously she said tht how easy was tht for him.tht after creating so much problems in her life,he has moved so easily.richa said.he is apologising and u shuldnt say all those thngs.and u shud also move on.we are having 2 weeks holidays and by then it would be 1 month since i met or would have talked to her.i am thinking of writting that letter after holidays.am i doing right?becz during the holidays she would have a lot of time to thnk on these and be normal again.my letter wud contain-i accept the distance,im sorry(in brief for all the mstks),and tht wonderful thngs hve hppnd etc.i am wondering what my next move would be after writting the letter.how would i try meeting her after tht.plz help me out.i am much normal now and am following the book and the videos a lot.i am working hard to accept tht she isnt my life bcz only then i will be able to build up the strategy.
No contact dilemmas...I've held up my end of the bargain...like I told you earlier she broke it last week but I handled it well. Two days ago she broke it again, asking if I still had a charger of hers (it's been two and a half months, why torture me with that question now?). Again, i kept it to a two text response, and left it at that. You told me right before I started no contact that it hadnt been effective because we had been in too much contact. I agree with that wholeheartedly. Now, I'm wondering do I need to extend the no contact period (right now I'm scheduled to call her October 16) since shes been in contact twice in one week or stick with that date since I've initiated none of the contact.
I really need help with this situation!
Me and my boyfriend were together 3 years this year but earlier this year he strted a full
time job workin 7 days a week so said he didn't have time for a relationship but we agreed just to see how things go. Then he said he doesn't know he feels about me and then finally he broke up with me. He called me and said he wanted to meet in person to
discuss it properly and stay friends and I poured out my heart to him but after speaking on the phone I just sent a text and agreed to the break up and he text back saying he didn't want to hear that and is sorry for everything and still thinks we should meet.
I didn't reply and hears nothing from him again. Then one month later it was his birthday and I just text him and said happy birthday but heard nothing from
him. What should I do now? It's clear he doesn't even want contact with me....
Thank you for your encouragement! I really REALLY appreciate it!
Quick question...I see your dilemma but I'm being honest when I say I don't know. Following the N/C rule then before but weddings can also be a breeding ground for blossoming romances and I guess you also run the risk of him meeting someone there. Please, I'm not trying to alarm you so maybe stick with the 30 days? Seriously, this is your call. Like to know how it worked out though and praying you get the result you want.
Good luck.
Mic...No contact has to be that. At the moment, she's seeing that desperate and needy look. Right now in her mood, you're the last person she wants to see and as hard as that sounds, you have to give her the chance to miss you again. I'm leaning towards the clean slate apology over the second chance letter.
Andrea...I understand your predicament but keep this on a professional level. Don't feel obligated to do anything but focus on yourself. One of the keys is for him to see you taking this in your stride and actually enjoying life. Even date again or accept invitations from friends to go out. That can create curiosity. You're doing fine.
No Contact...just take it one day at a time. Messing it up now will undo all the good work you've done so far.
Ritz...sounding like it's going good, especially the healing on your part. Wait till the holidays are over and send the letter.
My ex is going to be out of town for a wedding around the 30th day of NC. Should I instigate the lunch before he leaves around the 25th day or after he gets back around the 35th day? I know this is probably a dumb question... but i'm thinking if i do the lunch before the wedding, he'll leave for the week and the wedding will be all romantic and stuff and he may be thinking about our lunch (maybe... he may also be so busy with friends that he wont. but idk)? Or should i do it afterwards when he comes back home in a positive mood and a nice break and then have lunch? I don't know.
What do you think?
Also, is it too late to send the second chance letter?
Hi! My girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me 2 weeks ago. I immediately accepted her decision of letting her go even though the reasons for the break up are quite weird. She said that she needs to grow as a person and establish herself in her career and I should do the same. So I dwell on that reason for a few days before eventually finding out the real reasons from a bunch of my friends whom she talked with a few days before the breakup.
She said that she doesn't love me as much as before or she really fell out of love because I wasn't giving effort than I was when we were in our early stages because I became to complacent. She also said that I was the one who needs to grow up and that I was being to dependent on her. She also said that I wasn't doing a very good job on looking for a job and if I was really planning for our future together. But that was the lighter part... She found out I lied to her of having feelings for a former love which that sparked during our 2nd year but I never acted upon it. Plus she found out that I lied about being a virgin. Well, that screwed my chances with her and she doesn't want to talk to me or clear things up about the breakup.
I tried doing the No Contact rule but I broke the rule by going to their house twice this week but we never met but I'm sure her sister and her aunt told her that I was there waiting outside. Plus she saw my online journals on how much I badly miss her.
Is there still a chance for the NC rule to work despite what I've done? Plus, should I still send the Clean Slate apology letter?
So I was forced to hang out with my ex today. I was working on our bands album and (he's the drummer) he came by just to listen in, even though the drums were finished. So we spent like 2 hours together-first time we've seen eachother since the breakup. I tried to be "happy" around him without talking to him about anything other than band stuff (which was pretty successful). We seemed like friends. That killed.
The reason he broke up with me in the first place was cause he wanted to focus on his future and the relationship was too much of a "distraction".
So we hung out for 2 hours.. none which i instigated... and i don't know if this breaches the whole 30 days No Contact. I'm on day 7 now. I couldn't help it (he's part of the band, technically he can do whenever when it comes to band stuff...) but i secretly enjoyed it. We had fun... I can tell we still have chemistry... i was trying not to flirt or even talk more than we need to... but he was sitting next to me for the first time in a week. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO ACT? like i feel like i'm in a super delicate situation... I don't want to breach the "no contact" rule... but i have to work with him. How do i work with him and hang out with him with the no contact rule???
Also... I felt like the last 4 or 5 days i have been really good... And when I saw him again i felt like my heart was in my stomach and i'm back at square one. I need space to be okay. to heal. I don't know if we're over... i don't know if i could get him back. I don't know if he even loves me anymore. I don't know if what he said (about focusing on his future and being stressed about college/loans/graduation/future) is true. I don't know if he misses me. I don't know if he's over it. All this uncertainty is killing me. I was fine before today. But now i'm panicking. Did I breach the no contact rule? Do we have a chance of anything in the long run? Or should i cut my losses and just try to maintain a professional relationship? Please Please Please help me...
Thank You soooo much. I'm sorry this is so long.
this is my 7th day NC... I'm feeling better already. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to see him soon cause we work together. But i'll just act confident and hopefully it'll throw him off.
I really miss him. I hope this works...
hey just wanted to ask something.i havent been talking to her for a week now and i shared about the idea of this wonderful book with my friend who is common to both of us.actually she is her best frnd and i had a serious fight with her too.neverthless,i told her that i will be writting a letter to her that woud contain the fact that i accept the brk up,that im sorry for the mistakes and explain it briefly and then that wonderful thngs hve hppnd in my life.
and she had agreed.now she met with my ex today and said,ki i met him(that is me).she told her ki i am hpy nw.hve decided to move on.is not sitting alone and is feeling really guilty and embarassed for his mistakes.she was happy that i have moved on.but at the same time she was angry that after creating so much nuisance in her life i moved on easily.she has that anger.the frnd told her ki she shuld mve on too and just remeber that what u wanted had hppnd.just remember he had done some good in ur life too.she agreed to move on.now we are going to have 2 weeks holidays.i think i shud gve her time to thnk in the holidays and then after the holidays send her that letter.am i doing right?as if i send it now then it will only remind her thngs much more and moreover she is angry right now.
Ritz...if you feel you did something to apologize for then write the letter. We're there things you did that hurt her...cheated on her, said things to her, things you didn't do... this is an unconditional letter of apology without using the word "but."
Pleasehelpme...as I mentioned above, I hate that phrase "I love you but I'm not in love with you." It's one of the last things you want to hear, seriously. Not sure how this will go without sounding too negative. You are doing the right things. Time is your friend right now. Let the fun date take it's natural course and you can throw in something like "this was fun, we should do it again sometime." But only if it was fun and he enjoyed it. No pressure. Don't force it. The idea with no contact is for your ex to start missing you. Many don't but many also do. Also, don't be afraid to go out on the occasional date with other people. Hope it works out well for you.
John...there is a lot of great, practical advice in the book and I tell people it's worth getting just as a reference guide even if you want to strengthen good relationships. Sounds like you have forced her away a little more but you will still find the book useful.
Ankit Kumar...sorry to hear your plight. Just trying to make sense of what you wrote and it seems you met long distance. Forgive me if I got it wrong. But yes, follow the advice in the book and I would send the letter in the next week. From what I read, you have only met her a couple of times?
Diggindeep...yes, you handled it well. All you should be to her now is a friend. Time has a habit of taking care of things but you handled it well.
Avatar406...In time, that respect will return but the problem now is you have re-contacted her several times without positive signs she still wants to be with you.
The "little things" you didn't do is huge in relationships and over time, causes lots of rifts in relationships. Most guys realize it when it's too late and I was one of them. Honestly, you're a good guy by the sounds of it and there is someone for you out there. Why not date and I'm sure your best friend will get that information back to her. If there is any inkling in her to want you back then this may prompt her to contact you.
Right now though, focus on yourself and get back out there in the dating scene.
MakinupMagic...just following up...Today is day 18 of NC...I have a tentative date of October 16 (that will be 5 weeks of No Contact) for making the phone call. I haven't expected her to get in touch with me after she found out I had had a rough time of missing her. Well today about five minutes ago, I got a text mesage from her letting me know that she had improved significantly on a standardized test. She said she wasn't gonna text me but she knew I had always encouraged her about it and told her she could do it, and she wanted to say thank you. I responded happily, telling her congratulations, that it was great news, and I knew she could do it, and told her I was proud of her. She responded thanking me, telling me how happy she was about it, and said she'd talk to me later and said it meant alot that I texted her back. I didnt respond to this message, seeing no reason to. My question is did I handle this situation correctly? I don't want to come across as blowing her off, and I don't want to seem eager. I think I handled it well, and I am genuinely happy for her. I know you're reading this thinking it's a very minor thing (as it is), but it's better telling my story here rather than continue a conversation with my ex haha. I'm guessing I should forget about this and continue right back into no contact for the remainder correct? Thanks for your advice.
its written in the book magic of making up that i must talk to her after one month.i am not getting i should be writting a letter or talk to her.plz clarify
Trying to get my ex of over 2 years back. [We ended on good terms, but he just said he loves me and wasn't in love with me.] So I have waited a month - we see each other twice a week at work, but other than that no contact. We went out for a quick 45 minute lunch which went well. And now i'm going to wait a week and ask him on a date (bowling?!?). What do i do after that? It kinda just stops after that in the book...
Please help :)
Thank You!!!
in the book magic of making up, its written we must not panic when break up happens.but what if in panic,i have already called her a number of times,mailed her,messaged her and tried making her realise that how much i am important and tried mking thngs normal.will it still work for me if i follow exactly what is written in the book in my practical life
Its the me and her were in contact with each other fr over 1 and a half yr.we valued each other a lot.its that her family is conservative and they doubted as if she is committed.though they weren't doubting me then.in dilemma we realized that we are actually in love.her family wanted her to get married which i didn't want to happen as i loved her.she was depressed and wanted me to move on.finally her family realized that it was me and they ordered her to keep away from me.there after fights emerged as i wanted to meet her and she was afraid of doing so.i forced her and she had to undergo a lot at home.she finally told me that its over and i should go.i cried and fought with her.she said ok we can be friends but only after one month.but after one month when i met her she hated me.she said i broke her trust by not understanding her that time.she said everything was a mistake.thought i know when things were good she could have even died for me.now the problem is that she told me this 5 days back.I have the book 'magic of making up', i will follow everything because i want her back.but should i be sending her letter of apology and acceptance now or after one month.i am not getting this.plz clarify
So I blew it. After 2 weeks of NC, I called my ex-girlfriend not to beg her to get back with me, (but she probably felt that way) but to get closure for myself so I could move on. I tried to explain it too her on the phone that I needed a better explanation than "I don't love you anymore." I begged her to stay with the official break up day, then I did NC for 3 days and went ballistic and went to her home to talk to her in person again and was more calm and understanding to the situation and asked again why she wanted the break up. Same answer again, "I don't love you anymore." So I did 2 weeks NC and called her to talk, she sounded nice at first before I mentioned that I wanted to talk again in which I think she felt pretty annoyed. I just wanted to understand the situation more and I pinpointed all the things that happened in the relationship that meant a lot and so much has been put into it etc... I finally got a somewhat decent answer to as why she broke up with me. She said that I was a "bad boyfriend" and that I didn't do the things she wanted me to do (the smaller things). I was wondering what are the chances of us reuniting together again. I feel ALOT better now and have confidence, I'm even trying to get dates with girls that I think are attractive. I feel like in due time I will be fully able to move on. I'm going to have to restart the NC rule again (I'm so bad), she's pretty stubborn and stuck on her ways right now. I just wonder whether or not if she'll miss me enough to call me to see how I am doing. The book says to call in a months time, but my bestfriend (a guy) keeps telling me to just give it up and move on. He told me, she broke your heart, you didn't break hers, there's no second chances unless she's willing, you can't make it happen yourself. I mean I want to follow the book, but is it worth it to contact her in a month? Or should I wait till she contacts me? Will she ever contact me, that's the question I ask myself. I'm concerned that if I just cut her out, we'll never talk again and my presence will disappear.
My bestfriend which my ex and I share, told me that after the last contact, I am known as the annoying ex-boyfriend rather than the ex-boyfriend and that any respect she has for me is gone. I don't know if that will hold true over time.
Andrea...The plan is for him to come to you. That's the aim of the no contact. It's to get your ex to start missing you again. Just don't force the issue because that will probably have him backing off.
Thanks for the info. I'm just worried that i'll wait 30 days, we'll go the the coffee/lunch date, if that goes well maybe i'll ask him the other (more fun) date, and then nothing will happen. Do I just continue instigating dates every a few weeks or do i wait till he comes to me after the first date?
Andrea...Know where he's coming from. Yes the techniques in the book can work. Thing is, with so much going on with him right now he is a little confused about his priorities. As a man, he's going to be thinking about his future and making sure he heads in the right direction financially. Sometimes, relationships appear to be something that is getting in the way but when he has time to analyze what he's done he may suddenly realize breaking up may have been premature.
I'm just trying to read between the lines without all the details but the book will be a good guide for you to follow.
so i read the book in anticipation of the break up and i handled the break up beautifully and it was very civil. We dated for almost two years and started getting distant about 3 months ago. The thing different about our break up is he is super stressed with college, work, being in 3 rock bands (one with me... so i'm forced to see him a few times a week), and he about to graduate and gonna face $100,000+ of student loans... And he said the reason that he doesn't wanna be in the relationship is because he's too stressed and the relationship is just gonna be a distraction. So i know he still cares about me and it's not 100% about me... can i still get him back using these techniques? he took alot of time to think this over and he's a very analytical person.
Helpmyunderstand... That's the idea of the no contact. And when you do talk to her during this period, keep the conservation brief. Have you got the Magic Of Making Up? It will give you the game plan.
Feelingupandabout...Hard to judge what is going on here as she seems like she has made up her mind. I would send her the letter though.
Thanks for the reply :-) .. She does call me all the time .. she tells me she loves me in emails , phone calls and text messages ... I guess I'm just confused as to why she won't return to Florida .. She moved to North Carolina to leave me .. I just want to figure out how to get her to move back home .. I have been on my job for 17years and make great money .. she just started a new job in North Carolina and she just signed a lease to an apartment .. I'm just going crazy being here in Florida all alone .. we've been married for 5 years .. We own a home in Florida and this is where our foundation is .. I just don't know what to do from this point .. I can do the no contact ... but my question is , if I do the no contact .. should I answer her calls when she calls me ? .. Im thinking no contact would mean that I NEVER call her and just allow her to call me ? is that a good strategy ?
My ex girlfriend sent me an email today asking about her items and stuff. She has mine to. I already told her on the day of the breakup that I will be exchanging our stuff after the new year and that I will contact her with the exact date I will be there. So I am a little confused as to why she would email me today as its been exactly one week after the break up and feel it is too soon to be asking me that. I was going to take your advise and write her an unconditional letter to her over the weekend and post it. What should I do now still go ahead and write the unconditional letter.
Any advise would be greatly appreciated.
ElNino...I always worry when someone says they love you but they're not in love with you. Personally, I hate the comment and could get on my "soapbox" here but realize you are really going through a tough time. I am not sure I can give you much advice other than you need to sit down with her and discuss this rationally. You need to establish what's wrong with the marriage, has it any future and if it does, working together to make it work and of course, is there someone else and this needs to be answered honestly. Unless it is, then taking the next step is going to be difficult.
Helpmyunderstand... Definitely start following the information in the book. Seriously, you need to get this no contact thing going. Three days is not going to yield much of a result. The fact she wants to talk to you every day means you are in a stronger position than most. Also, if she thinks you're moving on then that's a good sign.
From what you've written, I'm not so sure she wants this relationship to end. Did you guys sit down and discuss your feelings and what may have gone wrong? Maybe re-discovering what brought you together in the first place might be the solution. I just think from her reaction to missing a day talking to you that there's still a big future together for you both.
can anyone see past the...kiss on the end and a??
Hi.
My situation is really tough. My wife of just over 2yrs 4mths has recently told me she loves me but isn't in love with me. We have spoken about what we believe the root cause could be but she says she doesn't know. A guy she says is just her 'friend' recently sent her a message with a kiss on the end and a
i live in Florida and my wife moved 2 months ago to North Carolina .. i did all the wrong things prior to her leaving .. i begged pleaded etc .. then i purchased the magic of making up and realize i was doing the wrong things .. i started with the "opening move" and agreed with the breakup .. she started to cry and told me how much she loved me .. she moved to NC anyway .. i am in florida and have gone to visit her 4 or 5 times uninvited .. my first visit was welcomed and she was happy to see me .. each visit after that seemed to irritate her .. i tried the no contact thing for 3 days and she called me crying because she felt i must be moving on ..my question is .. in your response to feelingupandabout .. you mentioned that the no contact rule my backfire due to the distance ... so now im scared to do the no contact thing ... what should be the next step ? .. i do have the book and the audio and all the bonus info that comes along with the purchase ... mind magic ... clean slate method etc ... i wish i had started the program when she first left but i was took week and was too needy .... sometimes she talks about returning to floriday then sometimes she seems so focused on continueing her life in North Carolina .. Im' trying to figure out how to get her back to Florida and back in my life ... she calls me most days to tell me what's going on in her life .. should i not talk to her ? or should i continue to talk to her due to the distance ?
Feelingupandabout...I'm sorry, it was bound to happen sooner or later. Well, no contact when you are a long way apart is either going to work or backfire. In this case, I would write an apology letter similar to what I mentioned above and it needs to be completely unconditional.
The distance is a big issue here.
Sorry, I don't know if you confused me with the other person. Im the one who's ex girlfriend moved back home to MN and I stayed in England until after the new year.
I was asking would it wise for me to do the no contact after one month. I still havent spoken to her since Thursday. What about a letter or email like a sorry, would that help or do that after the one month (NC).
Thanking you again for your time.
Feelingupandabout...Looks like it's hard to do no contact when you move around in the same environment. You don't want to look like you're completely ignoring her. I think in this case a letter might be a good way to go but it needs to be unconditional. An apology without the word "but" in it.
Would it wise for me to do the no contact after one month. I still havent spoken to her since Thursday. What about a letter or email like a sorry, would that help or do that after the one month (NC).
Thanking you for your time.
Wishing Everything Was Back...I really wish I had the magical solution for you but breaking trust in a relationship can really cut through the core of a person's heart and once that happens, it's a long road back. Breaking trust whether it's cheating or lying will usually be seen as a lack of respect for the other person and while some can forgive quickly, most don't. If you can be a friend to her, show some real maturity and let some time pass by you may have a chance.
Be careful about using her family to see what she's up too. While they like you, their first priority will be to her. This would also annoy her I would imagine.
Hope it works out for you as you have definitely been remorseful about it.
Feelingupandout...It's pretty tough to be going through when you are in the same town but being a long distance apart is really hard. I understand the hurt you're feeling right now. Seriously, unless you are close to her and while she is not committing the only answer I can give is that this will be almost mission impossible. Trusting issues are one thing and after awhile, someone will get tired of not being trusted and be forced to reassess their relationship. Saw it happen several weeks ago to a friend of mine after warning him that he needed to be more trusting otherwise it could backfire. It did.
The Magic Of Making Up is a great resource and I encourage those who even haven't got issues to grab it and learn what's in there. I really hope it works out for you but for now, being a friend will resonate well with her and it will confirm your maturity in her eyes.
Be interested to know how things pan out for you.
Hey, My girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me a couple nights ago at a friend of mines party. She waited till there were only a couple of close friends there and she told me to follow her in private. Please realize that i am 17 and this was the first girl i actually ever loved. She told me that i broke her trust, and that she can never trust me again. I did not cheat on her, i probably did something worse, i lied to her, not once but twice on big issues. She forgave me once and i promised that i would be better and change and everything. But now shes says that she wont trust me ever again like a boyfriend. I hurts so bad to hear that but deep down i know i really messed everything up. Im doing the no contact rule for a month or a month and a half. I was really close with her familly and since the breakup her mother sent me a text and her sister called me to see what happened. I thought that this might mean that shes missing me. or that her family wants to know what happened. Im really confused right now. I just dont understand of being with someone for 3 months, and i know she loved me back, i just dont get how thoese feelings just up and vanished in thin air. I am very hopefull that after the month or two apart mabey she will relize that i AM a good guy and that i deserve another chance at her heart. The thing is i see her at school, and we share the same group of friends. So the month of no contact is going to be tough. Is there anything i can do to gain her trust back and make everything workout? i need to buy this book but im not sure if they sell it ion boreders.. Please help me. thank you.
My girlfriend broke up with me 3 days ago and we have been together for over 3 years. I am terribly hurt by all this. Our relationship was very good and she was everything to me in the time we were together.
She went home to MN to be with her family, this was 5 weeks ago. We both lived in England for over 2 years, I remained in England until I got there after the new year. It started with me with the trusting and we got into arguments about religious beliets, location of where we wanted to live. She wanted to be close to her family amd wanted to be more outgoing. At the time, I had these dissagreements because of trusting who she was with. I am a very easy going person and dont mind where I am as long as we are both happy. We were chatting on f/book and I would call her on the phone every day. I know I have been immature about the trusting issue as she was totally innocent of the whole thing. Last week she was telling me that she couldnt do this anymore with all the drama that went on and I apologised and said I would forget the whole thing and just leave it and for us to continue and forget about what happened. From Monday I emailed her telling her how much I am missing her and how I was looking forward to being reunited again. This went on till Thursday and I didnt get a reply from her since Monday. Then I get a message that she changed her status on f/book to being single. I was devasted and didnt know how to handle it. I got myself together and called her. I just told her that I guess this break up is for the best and its good that it happened. She said that she still wants us to be best friends then I wished her goodbye. Truth be told I was not really okay with it. I went searching on the net and I stumbled on the magic of making up. I dont know if I did the right thing telling her on the phone what I did. She is everything to me and I would like to know if this magic of making up ebook will benefit me in any way. My situation is I am definitely planning on moving back to the US after the new year. What advice could you give me while Im still here in England. I miss her so much and I cant understand how she could just break up with me like that. It just seems so out of the blue. I know she is on dating sites already, looking for another relationship. I just dont understand.
Thanking you for any advise you can give.
Deana...Sorry to hear that. Sounds like he's made up his mind. I guess in this situation all you can do is be a friend when the dust settles.
I haven't sent an apology, and as hurt as he seems to be I don't think it would do any good right now. He says that in the bible it says if you form the intent in your mind it is the same as actually doing it, he says my intent was to meet someone else and that I need to keep on doing what I was doing, because he is done with me
Deana...sounds like you may have gone too far. There is definitely hope here and I think the letter might be worth a look at here or an unconditional apology. Have you sent it yet or are you in the process of sending it?
Avatar406...looks like she has moved on. What she's done is what we teach in the healing process and what you should do. Still, you've handled this pretty well because I know it must be ripping your insides out to put it mildly, but you have come a long way down the road and seem to have accepted the umpire's decision. That's a good start on the road to healing.
Just be a friend to her for now because I think earning her respect that way could prove vital a little later down the track.
I've been on 2 weeks of NC with my ex-girlfriend. I'm pretty close with her family and we shared a dog together in the relationship. When we broke up, she says she's willing to give up the dog as it is happier and was raised in my home. She hasn't contacted me at all, I tried to re-kindle the flame after the break up by asking for a second chance in which she agreed with. Just one date was all it took and she said she doesn't love me anymore. I bought her flowers that date, and after a week I gave her 3 roses and the letter to confirm that I'm okay with the break up even tho I wasn't. I visited her parents twice for the dogs sake as they really love the dog those 2 weeks of NC. She told one of her best friends (which is one of mine as well) that it is little too late for flowers (as I never bought her flowers on a regular basis, only once in the three years we've been together (our two year anni)) She valued flowers, but doesn't want them from me, doesn't want anything to do with me if it related to intimacy. When our friends hang out, my friends tell me not to be around her because I'm still emotionally unstable but she's totally fine if I was around and preferred that I was, as she's ready to be my friend. Apparently she's giving me space and not contacting me until I get over her. She's constantly going out late with her co-workers and drinking (which she never did with me because I never drank). She told our best friend that she was going to throw away the flowers, and put everything away that reminded me of her (pictures,cards etc...). During the time of visiting her parents, I couldn't help but to snoop around her room. She did indeed take down the pictures and put others up, she threw away the flowers and threw away the letter. I know this is wrong and I'm going scary stalking on her but I mean I was her best friend and her family loves me.
I'm still really sad and unstable at times. I don't know if it's worth it contacting her after 1 month of NC. I feel like she's truly done and moving on without me. I want to be her friend and support her and get back to where we use to be. She trusts me and I know she cares about me. I don't know if she still loves me, but she probably does as only a friend. I really want to hope that we can have a new start and a mutual agreement to have a new relationship is possible. But I think it's all gone... 3 years gone.
My boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago after a year together he said he was still in love with his ex girlfriend that he has a daughter with. She lives in Sweden and he hasn't seen her in 4 years. He said he had to decide what he wanted to do. I did the wrong things at first then I got the book and did the agrreing with the break up, it worked immediately and he started coming back, calling me every day and he told me he still loved me. I decided to try and make him see that I had other people interested in me so I intentionally text my sister when he there so he would think it was someone else, it worked but then he started pressuring me to tell him what was going on, I told him a friend was trying to set me up with someone but so far we had just text each other. He became extremely hurt and said how could you put yourself out there that quickly and that he couldn't talk to me anymore, because he only wanted some space from me but apparently wanted me to wait?? and he couldn't endure any more pain. I am hurt too by what he has said things were going so good and now I feel like I just blew the whole thing, is there any hope?
Aly...I feel for you and it's not fun being on the receiving end believe me. As far as wondering whether you'll get him back I really can't say. You have a big future ahead of you and from where I'm sitting, you are thinking too far ahead relationship-wise. My worry is he's telling you it won't work long distance. That sounds like he doesn't want to try and at least he's being honest.
You've probably heard this enough but with three years of school left and then college, focusing on your future should be a pretty big priority. It's going to be tough enough without having to worry about juggling a relationship with someone who's not even going to commit.
You deserve much better.
Mandi...Really feel for your situation when you think you are with the right person and it then goes against everything you thought.
Hard to read what's going on here other than after being together for seven years there is obviously a diminishing spark in the relationship on his part. My honest opinion...I think some serious no contact needs to happen here. He has a new girlfriend but he's kind of keeping you in the loop and if he can have his cake and eat it too then it seems like he will. He needs to know you're off limits in a way. He's not missing you right now and men do love to chase. Can you see what I'm getting at here? Have you read The Magic Of Making Up? If not, I would seriously consider grabbing a copy.
unseeliequeen...Really sorry to hear what's happened. The big problem on working to get him back is distance and unless you can be in the same town as him then it's going to be an uphill battle. The second problem is the age difference and it's something we see lots of times especially with young men who suddenly want the freedom to move around following the initial passion of a romance.
I would be inclined to go no contact for a couple more weeks and and then try the letter. Have you got the Magic Of Making Up book? If not, and you are serious about having this guy back in your life then you should get it. There are five stages about a break up you need to be aware of and they start with denial which I'm seeing a little just reading your entry. My thoughts will be with you and really hope you can find the happiness again but it's going to be tough with him so far away.
Hi there,
First, thank you for taking the time to read this. I am considering buying The Magic of Making Up because I just don't know what else to do. My boyfriend of three years broke up with me completely out of the blue three weeks ago and I am beyond devastated. I feel like I have several things working against me, the biggest of which being our age difference (he's 22, I am 35) and distance (NY to GA). I haven't been eating or sleeping and I am just miserable. He is my best friend as well as my love, and I haven't felt this way about anyone else before, not even for a man I nearly married in the past.
After living together for two years and having a wonderful time (even though there is an age difference, we have so much in common), he had a series of events that made him question a lot of things. A terrible, abusive job and the sudden death of his beloved grandmother put him in a bad state. Two friends of his were moving to Georgia for school and he decided to go as well so he could be around friends. At first he wanted to break up because I had once said that I wouldn't ever do a long distance relationship, but we discussed it and since we loved each other so much we worked it out. Several times I considered moving there and he considered coming back, but we always changed our minds due to work (and stubbornness on my side). We visited each other several times and it was always wonderful and fun, the attraction was always there. He called me at least once a day and we texted each other constantly. I would get worried about who he was hanging out with since I wasn't there, and I know I have issues with jealousy. I tried my best not to let it show but I know it did. In the last couple of months he said he was coming back for good and was even more romantic than ever, saying things like "you mean the world to me, and it scares me sometimes because I've never felt this way about someone before" and sending me loving messages and calling to let me know that a song reminded him of me just before the breakup call.
He said that he wanted to stay there, which was fine with me because I wanted to move- but he wanted to break up as well. He said he knew I wouldn't be happy there, then he said he hadn't felt the same in a long time, then that he didn't want to be in a relationship, then that he wasn't "in love" with me but he loved me like family. It was like he was trying to convince both me and himself. This was totally out of the blue and of course I fought it. I know when someone is uncomfortable around me and I know when someone is lying about love, and my inner gut feeling never alerted me to his feelings changing. If anything, they seemed to be stronger since our last visit in July. We talked for 4 1/2 hours that night, he seemed so sad and said "I didn't want to hurt you, I had to convince myself that this is for the best and it would have happened sooner or later anyway". We had moments of just being "us" where we joked and giggled, then back to sadness. Since then, I haven't heard from him at all. I can't eat or sleep and have lost about 15 pounds. I've spoken to his mother as we are good friends, and she told me that he was a mess the first few days and wanted to call me but remained "set in his decision" because he had wanted out but didn't want to hurt me--and didn't want to play around behind my back. During the break up convo, I asked if he was seeing someone or interested in someone else and he said not at all, and he actually felt like he didn't want anyone at all. He just wasn't attracted to me anymore...but he loves me like a sister (kiss of death!!).
He has changed his FB status to single (did so right away, actually) but has not untagged pictures or de-friended me, and neither have his friends. I am guilty of calling him three times in the first week and a half, texting him a few times and sending him a couple of emails, one a bit stern because he won't even call me about his things here or my stuff down there. I've been trying very hard not to contact him (accidentally sent him a text that was meant for someone at work the other day, surely he'll see it was a mistake). A week ago I sent him a picture of his grandmother that he left here along with little note saying that I wished things could have gone differently, that he should keep his chin up because I think he's a wonderful guy and never forget that someone out there thinks the world of him.
My gut (not my heart and not my brain) tells me that I will hear from him again and that he still loves me but I have no proof. Just a feeling. Should I bother sending him the Opening Move letter at this point? I know he's out having fun, drinking with his buddies and being crazy like a normal 22 year old guy...meanwhile I am 900 miles away, crushed and sobbing with no hope of seeing him. He's not a bad guy at all, not a hurtful or deceitful bone in his body(such a terrible liar, I could ALWAYS catch him!) and is basically a wonderful, warm caring person. I know he's got some issues about being "lost" and not knowing where to go in life and I was always his rock. We leaned on each other.
I don't know what to do at this point. I want him back in my life more than I've ever wanted anything ever.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
At the start of the summer my boyfriend (at the time) was starting a summer contract job where he was going to move about an hour away. No biggie, he went to school for 3 years where he was over 2 hours away, so I knew we could do this.
I had a feeling that there was someone else (female intuition), so I asked him about it.
Well it turns out there was someone else...a 19 year old co-worker of his (He is 25) needless to say I was and still am quite upset about this. We have/had been together for 7 years. The last year of that we were living together and the only reason we wernt living together was because of this job he got.
I was his "first" and his first real relationship. I had always told him that I wanted to make sure that he wanted to be with me, as I didnt want to get married, have kids and find out later.
Doesnt make the situation any better.
He says that I knew he wanted to try new things but when he was in school he still had the mind set we were together (WHICH WE WERE) So I asked him what was different this time, since we had lived together for a year before he had left. He didnt know.
He said that he just doesnt feel the same about me anymore, but he still still attracted to me. I dont get it.
I know we had been together for a long time and both of us have changed over the years, but there were many different things that have happened to us...a death, cancer, a stoke (not us...family members) and I know in my heart we are meant to be together.
I just need him to know that too. I know there is still something there because stupidly when I saw him after not seeing him for a month (and after finding out about the new girl) we saw each other and he was coming on strong to me we ended up sleeping together (which he didnt tell her) He still wants to be friends and if I cant have him as my love, then I do really want him as my friend as he has been my best friend for 7 years. But every time we see each other I can still see it in his eye and in his face there is something there. I can feel it and i think he is trying to fight it...
Please help
do you think he will come back to me despite the distance?
i really need help..
I want him to fight for this love as I am willing to.. in 3 years I'm going to finish school... but after that I think I have to study at college and that's about 2 hours away from were he lives, so that would also be distance... if he's not willing to come with me
hi
my boyfriend of 15 months just broke up with me because he says he's unhappy with how our relationship was. we had a distance relationship with 300 kilometers and I'm so deeply inlove with him. we are both young, 15 and 17 but I felt he was changing when we lived together ( i moved in with him so that we would be closer). my parents decided to take me back home and a few days after that he broke up.
He says he still loves me but he want a normal relationship and that it wont work with distance, he was busy with his activities.. he says that i'm young and will find other guys, but I love him! we were serious, and then he just broke up with me because of the distance? I was mad, and sad and I want him back... what should I do?
Hello. Thanks for your advice. I kept cool and didnt write him anything about what he texted the other day. Then today out of the blue he was on Skype and gchat asking me how I was doing. He was never online before for 6 weeks.
The thing was when he wasnt very active in the conversations meaning he was one minute asking how I was doing and the next not responding to anything I said. I would make a comment and he would send a smily face but that was it. I didnt know what else to say anymore so I didn't. He was at work during this time.
This Saturday would be our anniversary and I am not sure if hes reconnecting for this reason but I dont know what to do next if he continues to contact me. I dont want to be the one to ask him what he wants unless he brings it up again.
They said the reconnecting period is super important and I am a bit lost as to what to do next.....
Thanks a lot
TheLetter...The letter is mailed so we can't stop it. Let's see what happens.
Thanks for the kind words too. I've had three big love hurt experiences in my life and all of them different. I learned from each one and now(fingers crossed) am in a marriage made in heaven.
With the response to this page it got me thinking a while ago about setting up an environment along the social network angle where people either in a break up situation or who simply want to share their break up experience so it may help others can meet and interact with each other.
It's called RomanceBlues(.)com - it's free to join and it's ready to go. I really appreciate you guys.
TimingHurts... Being a friend would be not being angry towards him even though you are in a hurting mode. For example, when he contacts you your demeanor would be one as if to give him the impression you're doing well and kind of moving on and enjoying life if that makes sense.
Thank you. I just wanted to get some clarification so I know I can be confident with the choice. You say to stick to NC but be a friend to him. What would this entail? Agreeing to meet him if he initiates a meet up? I feel like a friend would be there for him when he needed me but NC would contradict that. I care for him and hate to be immature and selfish and withhold friendship, especially when I want him back. Will being his friend diminish my chances at ever getting him back (even a long ways down the road) or would it help so he would always look back on me favorably.
I guess it's hard - my heart says to be there for him no matter what - but my counter-intuition says to NC and play hard to get to work on the psychological perspective of it.
gosh - it's hard. Thanks for reading.
Oh Boy - thank you very much for getting back to me - I very much appreciate it. I mailed the damn letter about an hour ago. Here's hoping for the best. Now this makes me very anxious that I made a huge mistake. I really should have held out for an answer.
We both have scheduled things in Chicago tomorrow and we have our plane tickets booked together. I have decided to switch my seat - I will be civil and courteous at the airport and avoid any reason to talk to him and will not initiate. I figured if I could go to chicago with him on a plane, go our separate ways for the few days we were there and fly back without much interaction at all it would show him that I was making strides with out him. Then he would see the letter in the mail most likely when we got back. I just figured since it's been a month since the break up I had limited time with that letter.
He says he does want me to attend the October thing - he initiated the conversation first thing this morning at work and I smiled politely and nodded and made an effort to get out of there. promising?
Thanks again - what you're doing on here for all of us is wonderful.
TimingHurts... Firstly, I'm sorry to hear what seemed good went sour and took you by surprise. It happens a lot with love and it's just one of those things life deals us.
Secondly, this is the second time I've heard this week that a guy in his late twenties needs to find out who he is and going back to my late twenties, I was the same. He wants his space for whatever reason and it didn't matter how much prompting you gave him he was standing by his decision. Definitely stay with the N/C but be a friend as much as it still hurts. While you sound excited I'm a little dubious about the trip in October. Just not sure but then again, I'm only going on what you've written and if you're comfortable with it, it's your decision. Just don't want to see the good work you've accomplished in the weeks leading up to it get undone.
The Letter... think you should give this much more time. Thing is, he has made a decision and anything you've tried so far hasn't really changed his mind. Hold off on the letter for a couple more weeks at least. It's a good sign that you are accepting it a little now. Terror text/emailing never works and only alienates further.
Kara... well, I guess he's starting to miss you and that's natural. I would wait for him to start reconnecting. He would need to make the trip. His contact could have been a curiosity thing for now. I'm still a little worried about the distance thing.
Diggindeep... Just stick to the plan. Those urges will come and go and sometimes they will be pretty strong. If I was in this situation I'd just ask myself would contacting her change her mind and have her running back. So far everything else hasn't worked so give the no contact a chance. Sure she will be give you some thought but she needs to realize she can't blow in and out of your life when she feels like it. Be a friend and if the N/C doesn't work then you know for sure she wasn't for you.
Hey Makin, Need some quick advice. First of all on day 5 of actual MOMU No contact. Feeling pretty good, still missing her. I'm actually posting this now to avoid giving in to the urge to shoot her a message. First question is, since the longest we've gone without contact in 3 years is 8 days, she's bound to miss me a little right? I know there really is no answer you can give me that's not speculation, but I guess it helps a little psychologically if I think she'll give me a thought or two. Secondly, on the off chance she remembers I'm home Wednesday and tries to see me for a couple minutes, what do I do? Politely decline, but if she presses, give in? I'm not counting on her to get in touch nor do I expect it since I've told her I needed space but I just want to be prepared for any situation. Thanks
Hay man much happyer now have let go and nearly or tring to see her mate she hard work but its all fun stuff lol its funny how you stay looking at one door of happyness when its closed but there is another right there ready to walk through its time to just enjoy!!!
I just wanted some input. It has been 6 weeks since NC (in between he sent me an email wishing me a Happy Birthday and I replied with a short msg thanking him). Out of the blue, this past Saturday I logged onto Skype (10:30AM my time and his 4:30AM) to make a call, he was invisible and texted me since he just got home. We chatted for about 20 minutes about his best friend back from Australia now and that I hurt my back but am training for a climbing trip. Then my internet stopped working so I got kicked off. He then sent me a couple more msgs afterwards when I was offline saying "It was fucking nice to hear from you. sorry if it sounds wrong, funny, I had a dream of you last night and I often think about the past.......maybe its just me"
Should I wait for him to contact me again or should I start to reconnect with him very lightly? like sending him a joke...stuff like that?
We are 10 hours away from each other by plane...its difficult to see each other face-to-face. we broke up because he said we are too different but I didnt plead or beg. I was graceful and initiated NC.
Advise, please?
Hey Makingupmagic:
I've learned to accept the fact that the passion/fire/love my ex-girlfriend once had for me has faded away. My best friend which is one of her best friends told me that it's completely over and I need to let her be and move on. I just had that epiphany today and realized that the relationship wasn't working out and that her love for me just disappears. The three-years we had were amazing, she fought for it till the end and gave up when I offered to break up because I guess it was the best escape route to take. We wanted different things and she tried to change for me because she loved me. It only lasted so far and I've come to realize and accept that we're not meant to be right now. She's changed and that's that. Thanks for the hep.
I downloaded your book and am very thankful.
My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me one month ago. We are both in late twenties. I fought it tooth and nail for the first week after - firing off texts and heated emails. He explained to me that he, as a guy in his late twenties, was experiencing some sort of existential crisis and has no idea about the man he is. He says there is nobody else, I believe him. He says that he loves me and that the good in our relationship "so, so much outweighed any bad we had". He even brought up the idea of me moving with him if he had to travel out of state for school a couple months ago. I felt like I had one committed guy - but always knowing he suffered from some sort of soul searching angst and always felt guilty for feeling "different" or "empty" inside.
He will be leaving for a 6 month solo backpacking trip in December and then most likely going out of state for school after in August.
We work together and in the month since the break up I have been all over the place. Saying I don't want to talk to him, getting upset and text terroring/emailing him resentful that he doesn't seem to miss me at all. Angry that he dumped me two days before my birthday and 4 days before an out of town wedding with he as my guest and that I had to pay for. I flux between being understanding and feeling this is best and anger. We have seen each other outside of work to "hang out" twice - once ended in a hook up which ended in me crying and him seeming to shut down. One day I'll profess that I understand his decision and will give him space and then I flip a switch and call or text him - not giving him his space. He told me on our last phone conversation that me calling him is pushing him away and he doesn't want to but will have to cut me out of his life if I continue. So. Yes. Now I get it. I've gone too far.
I am at a place right now where I honestly believe within myself that I am ready to accept this decision because I have to and because I want to. I do want him back but feel much more in control of myself. We have tickets to two events in October with mutual friends and have agreed that we will both still be going as both of us genuinely want to attend regardless of the crappy circumstances.
How do I handle the 2nd chance letter as I've already kind of done the song and dance of me being "over it"? I'm ready to get that letter out there because I feel like our plans in october could be a good way to showcase the fact that I can be around him and not be preoccupied about "us". I feel time constraints due to knowing he'll be a long distance guy come december. It almost feels like if this doesn't get cleared up before he leaves - I missed my chance with him for good.
My boyfriend broke up with me after a very strong and intimate relationship of a year and a half. We are both in our late twenties and work together. His reasons for breaking up were that he has some big decisions to make in his life (leaving for school) and that he needs to know who he is as a person before he can share it with someone. It has been one month and I have been going back and forth with accepting/denying it (Obviously I haven't accepted it if I was still denying it) but attempted to make it look like I had accepted it and then would get frustrated and text terror/email him. So after one month and my last breakdown about 3 days ago something triggered that I am ready to start accepting this. I want to send him the letter but he recently moved and I don't know his exact address (I wasn't paying attention when he moved in). We work together - is it too childish to slip it in his drawer at work? I don't want to text/call or email him. Should I give it more time before i give him the letter?
Thanks much.
Diggindeep... Well, given your circumstances I would send the letter in about a week but make it your only contact. Don't follow up once you've sent it as it will then be up to her. The apology is tricky, it needs to be unconditional so don't use the "but" word. That's how I would play it at the moment given your situation is a little unique.
Hey makingupmagic, you're really quick with your replies (thanks for your advice/encouragement by the way. So often people are just like more fish in the sea, move on, etc) so I thought I'd ask you a question since it's the weekend and mail doesn't start again until Monday. Should I send a second chance letter? I told my ex in an emotional conversation about three weeks ago that I agreed with the breakup but obviously I didn't act like it. Also, since it's been two months now, do you think the statute of limitation for sending it is up haha? I'm in day two of MOMU's no contact period, so if I send this she'd get it around day 6/7. I don't really understand when I'm supposed to send the letter. I was planning on sending it, apologizing for kind of going crazy about 2 wks ago, and mention the fortunate part. What's your advice? Send it, keep the no contact til October 11, or just keep the no contact? Thanks in advance!
MiserablebutHopeful... Yes it does end but time will be your friend. There are several stages to getting over break up pain and each one is important to getting back on track. Believe me, I know what you are going through right now. The first girl I ever loved dumped me big time and I did everything I wasn't supposed to do. I felt lonely, like I had no friends, unworthy, it seemed people were avoiding me and all I could do was mope and think about her.
Two things happened. I became buddies with a guy through a club we were both involved in. As it turned out, he had a similar experience and what he told me to do was sit down and write out all her bad points, what I didn't like about her, stuff she did that annoyed me. Also anything negative about the relationship. I left nothing out and at the end of it I was shocked to have come up with a list as big as I did. It then struck me that maybe this girl and I weren't suited. Maybe the relationship wasn't destined to last anyway. I pictured myself five years down the track once the initial love had worn off a little and how these little quirks of hers might affect me.
Seriously, I felt a little better. It's funny how life deals us our hands. We are still friends many years later. She as it turns out wanted a big family and that's what she had. I wanted to move around as a journalist and work in different parts of the world and that's what I did. You know, it never would have worked. She was a stay put person and I am someone who would never die wondering. I chased my career.
Now this isn't the answer to getting you to instantly get over the hurt you're feeling now. It works for some and not for others but what I'm saying is think about the big picture. Life has a way of guiding you through it. Just be open to recognizing the signs.
The hurt will subside but it takes time. I'm definitely feeling your pain but know if you can get over these first few weeks new opportunities will present themselves...better opportunities.
Avatar406...Yes, definitely be there for her as a friend. I know the inclination is to want to be with her but by showing you are a friend to her then you definitely go up in her estimations rather than giving her the desperate and needy appearance.
I can't cry anymore... it really sucks knowing that she's living her life and dating other men and I'm her dying inside with misery and despair. Does this life ever end? I'm a mess I have a weak heart for love. I've never been this weak in my life for anyone... I'm going insane....
@makingupmagic I feel so sick inside and very depressed and umcomfortable around women. I mean I check women out and I've been sexually active with some but thats about it. I don't feel nothing or even want to date or be close to anyone these days. I feel so lonely in the world like a loner. I used to be a very lively guy, you could call me the life of the party before all of this. I hate my reflection in the mirror and I feel so cold inside and I feel hopeless and empty and sad for no reason... only her can make me feel better I don't know what to do...sometimes I wonder if she really loved me like I loved her no matter how bad I hurt her at least she should tell me she misses me???
makingupmagic
So in your opinion, what is the best approach then? I'm going for the 1 month NC approach right now, however, should I still be there as a friend only if she contacts me? I'm not too sure how to handle this.
Also, the longest we've gone without talking since the breakup (even wiith my No Contact Initiated) is 8 days. She has guys after her right now, but she's telling them all she doesn't want a serious relationship. I'm guessing a month of no contact would have some effect since 8 days really isn't that long to miss someone
She initiated the breakup. There's a two year difference in our ages, so she wanted to be single and enjoy her senior year. Of course that's the reason she gave. After reading the opening of MOMU, I realize that I became too lax in the relationship and didn't make her feel as appreciated. An interesting thing that happened was before she found out from the mutual friend and gave me my space, I had mentioned that I would be home Wednesday for a few hours and maybe we should get together for lunch (thinking she'd turn me down like she has before). She said yes. It caught me off guard but luckily I have another appointment so I told her maybe another time. I won't say she was bummed but she was like "Not even for a little bit?" I have no clue what this chick wants, but I do want her back
MiserablebutHopeful... wow, that's a long post. I'm wondering whether she has actually read the Magic Of Making Up given her response when you broke up with her? I seriously am not sure about your chances mainly because every time you seem to see her or speak with her that desperate and needy behavior surfaces and it has been going on for some time. A cool head is required and some serious no contact even though that will hurt but right now, she seems to have no reason to be chasing you because she knows how you feel. That's how I would approach it. Have you considered getting out and dating other girls even just as friends?
Diggindeep...I don't think it's ever too late to get the book. The thing is, if things don't work out this time the information in it from being in a relationship to maintaining it to how to make an effective apology is priceless. It's relationship training for life.
I'm just confused in your situation about who initiated the break up. If it was her then the no contact stuff so far hasn't been successful because there has been too much contact if that makes sense. Again, from what you say about her I get the feeling she wants in to the relationship when she says the "ball is in your court."
Just a tad confused.
Avatar406... Can't give you a definitive answer other than it seems she's appreciating this period of freedom as hard as it would be for you to hear that. Just keep a cool head and be her friend for the moment. I think that's what she wants. Any trying to convince her otherwise may push her away.
Lost Soul... I feel for your situation. The problem from where I sit is while people can forgive cheating the fact is, it always lingers. What I think has happened is that he hasn't really gotten over it and while he has forgiven you and tried to make it work it would have built up a lot of insecurity and resentment in him. It doesn't always show right away. Many times, it's a delayed reaction and he would have been going through the usual stages of emotion and thought about it a lot.
While you may not want to hear this but maybe NC could be the way to go right now. Give him that time on his own and to gradually miss you. Broken trust is a hard thing to repair. I'm certain he is still dealing with it and no contact right now could be a good thing.
Hey guys I've been reading a lot of interesting stories here on this site...but mine is quite different. I broke up with my ex late june and to my surprise as I initiated the break up she agreed with me said it was best we became friends...just like that reversed tactic the author was talking about....we were long distance for part of out relationship and she was going to move back here with me this summmer... but she seemed liked she wasn't going to move back due to she was not able to get enough money for college...the story still takes a turn... well since then we've talked from time to time just like we used to when we were going out and did things we used to do as couples over the phone because like I stated earlier we were partially long distance during our relationship. The reversed tactic she used when she agreed to our break up worked on me, because I was the one who was hurt and crying and calling and txting her like crazy and she would seem to be fine and just tell me to relax that she still loved me as a friend/lover...it really confused me. It also got to the point that we would argue sometimes and I would bring up old stuff from the past about how it was her fault we had to break up and how I'm so angry about the break up because I wanted us to be together forever... anyways in late july she came out here to visit and invited me to come and see her and of course I raced through traffic to see her... smh we only saw for about 45 mins and we kissed and hugged and she even said she still loved me... but the fact remained that she was not going to be moving back she was just visiting...so i thought??? well she left back to her state in 2days and I was mad that we only saw for that short time after I hadn't seen her in over 8mnths and the first time I get to see her, we only get 45miins??? smh... anyways we talked on the phone that same night and she told me how different I looked and how disappointed she was that I lost so much weight and let things get to me because I was depressed about our relationship... I was in awe when she said that, because I mean what was I supposed to do? I pretty much loved her and waited for her return for a whole year and was a good bf and never cheated for the whole yr we were together... she even went on to tell me that I should not let things like our failed relationship get to me, that I am a young guy and I should not hurt myself...??? wow I was very heated after that comment, because this is someone I loved and I was not expecting to hear that from her, maybe a third party but definitely not from her... So I did the unthinkable and went for a long blow and wrote her the worst hate mail anyone can think off and I used things from her childhood past against her in the letter and said so many hurtful things... I was so angry and couldn't control myself and I have to say I feel so ashamed of myself, because every time I went back to read it, It made me cry knowing how I hurt her by stabbing her with her past... anyways its been 2months since that evil I did and our break-up and I've written an apology letter to her straight from the depths of my soul and she replied to my surprise and said she'd forgiven me... ok guys well the thing is she eventually moved back to my state for good now and is just 15 mins away from me... we started talking again just few days ago and so far its been ok... even though I've still been apologizing like crazy and begging to see her, but she doesn't want to tell me she's in town but I found out through a mutual friend... as any foll can tell I love this girl obviously, in fact I would love to marry her in the future if we ever get back together. Well my question to you guys and T-dub is do you you think I have any slight ounce of chance left even though I've broke all the laws in this book and pretty much the rules of getting back your ex, I mean we are talking bit by bit now???
Now obviously I'm happy to finally get some space (I was a wreck without it) but now my concern is she's not going to contact because she thinks I'm miserable (I'm really getting better I just had a bad night). Should I maybe lengthen my No Contact to 5-6 weeks? Should I send a letter now, week, two weeks from now, using TW's second chance letter? I guess even though now she knows I don't need/want her contacting me, that won't stop her from missing me will it? Did I buy the book too late, or do I just need to trust this system since it's worked on a lot of breakups that were as bad as/worse than mine?
Making up Magic, I have a question for ya. I've just bought the book, hoping it will still be effective 7 weeks after the breakup. I begged and pleaded for about three weeks, then initiated a No contact initiated, which I only broke twice. During the past three weeks, she initiated contact 3 times, and even got mad at me for not initiating contact with her, saying she thought we were friends. I responded two days later (yesterday) and initiated a proper no contact message (Two months is still too soon, I have some decisions to make, and need some time to think them over and will be in touch when I'm ready) She was very polite in her response and told me to take all the time I needed. After a long text conversation afterward (bad idea I know), evidently a mutual friend (we're semi long distance...3 hours..and young I know but believe it or not you can be 20 and be in love haha) told her I had had a rough night missing her. Because she responded with a long 3 page text saying how I should take all the time I need to get over it and she will be there when I'm ready, that it was all in my hands, and she hoped to hear from me soon...
Thanks makingupmagic for the quick reply.
We were each other's first, she's been in a handful of relationships before but nothing serious or long (less than a year). I'm the longest serious relationship she's had.
As of now, she's constantly calling her friends to hang out with her after work (she gets off late at 12am). She's calling one of her old best friends which is a guy (he's one of my best friends too, but she's known him for a long time and he's recently single) and he's been taking care of her, keeping her company, taking her out to lunch/dinner, dropping her off at work and picking her up when she wants to hang out. When we had the 2nd talk, she's really appreciating what he's doing for her and she feels like he's being really nice (as I feel the same). I did all those things as most boyfriends should do, taking good care of her and thinking of her safety because she does work late at night. I'm afraid she won't be appreciating it as much now that she can get her friends to do it for her. She's been keeping pretty busy, she works full time, evening shifts and wants to hang out almost every chance she gets with her friends. What do you take on this?
Thanks
Hi
My boyfriend broke up with me 2 nights ago and all I've been able to do is cry. It hasnt been easy but obviously I dont need to tell you that.
The situation is pretty complicated as well. We were together for almost 4 years.
7 months ago I made the biggest mistake and cheated on him. I was overseas and I thought I had fallen in love with the other guy. When I returned home he found out and I told him everything. I was insecure about us and I was confused. He gave me space and tried to get me back and he did. I love him so much and I realised that in time. We got back together and everything was going great.
The last wo months havent been bad at all but we havent been able to see much of each other as I travel quite a bit. I'm about to go overseas again for 3 weeks in 2 days. The break up truely came as a surprise. He says my cheating ruined everything and that we are too different. I love this guy and I really want him back. I have already been guilty of emotional text messaging, though he's always responded. I'm really afraid if I agree to the break up and go into the no contact period he'll forget about me and never want me back. I love him so much and I know the reason why we broke up was my fault.
Is this really the right way to go about mending this relationship? It's really difficult. And does the no contact period count when I'm overseas? It seems like he wont want to contact me anyways knowing im overseas...
Thanks for the help
Dhxer... The dog situation is a problem. I've never been in that position so not sure how to advise on this. Might be a case of letting the dog go to her. If the relationship is over then it will be another memory you have to deal with as hard as it would be to let it go.
Unsure...not sure why. Think you have to enter your zip code before proceeding through PayPal.
I had another quick conversation with her last night and just said that I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and agree with her that we should take a break, and that I think it’s the best thing for the both of us. She seemed kind of relieved when I said that, and asked what we should do about the dog. I said that I wasn’t sure, and that we should take this weekend to take a step back and think about what it is that we want in ourselves and in a relationship. Do you have any advice on how we should handle the dog situation? We’re supposed to go to puppy training class on a weekly basis on Monday’s. I think it’ll be too hard to have that much involvement without knowing exactly where we stand. Neither one of us is wanting to give up the dog either, we both got him together as a couple and I have no idea how to determine custody…. Split custody seems like a pretty difficult situation. Thanks again for your support, this is a really tough thing to go through.
Can't seem to purchase book through paypal - does it not work?
ta
Dhxer... sorry to get back to you late, I'm working on a new project, a social networking site for people who are experiencing or have had relationship break ups where they can share their story/ies and help each other. I'll post the url here soon.
Meanwhile, I don't think there's much more you can do. And I'm not sure telling her how good you were again would be such a good idea. She's in that space right now where she's confused about where she wants to be or what she wants. And she needs to figure it out herself. That's why I would be inclined to leave her alone. I know it's tough and it hurts and you feel like she's slipping away from you but let her sort her emotions out. She knows where you stand and how you feel.
Avatar406...It's one of those situations where things look good on the outside but things are brewing to explode on the inside. That day she thought you neglected her was the trigger that set it off. From what you've written, you guys seem pretty well matched and right now, I would follow the book advice. Don't feel like you've done anything wrong. I've been down the "neglecting path" too and I'd imagine most guys have. It's a flaw we have and the one thing you don't want to do with a woman is give her the feeling you're neglecting her. It usually "comes back to bite you." The maintenance section in the book is something you'll want to follow.
For now, NC is a good idea. I mean not a couple of days. You need to give her the time to think about the good times you guys had. Concentrate on school right now. Seems like a little bit of pride and uncertainty on her part so give her time to miss you again. Let us know how it pans out.
What to do, what to do? This all came out of nowhere, we've been so happy and it seems crazy to throw it all away. I caught a glimpse of a message to her mom that said, “I just feel like I need something more, I’ve waited this long… why settle now ;) Just trying to figure out the logistics now.” I’m supposed to see her tonight to pick up our dog and don’t know what I should do or say? I really want to remind her of all the wonderful, great times together. I want to remind her that not too long ago she was saying how all her family and friends were saying how happy she looked, and how she just seemed to be glowing with joy. I feel like she’s being consumed by these negative feelings and has lost sight of what we have and can become. I think she feels that the only way to fix this hurt she’s feeling is to end our relationship completely. Before she goes away this weekend I want to remind her of just a couple months ago, when everything was wonderful…. I don’t want to her dwell on these negative feelings. I feel like the end is very near and want to make sure that I’ve done all that I can to reconcile this relationship. I don’t know if telling her these things will actually push her away more or if it will help. I think this weekend away for her is more so to start the healing process, not to reconsider our relationship. I just want to her know how I feel and how wonderful we were/can be together, but not if it’s just going to push her away more.
Btw, when we went out for a movie, we had lunch and she still acted like we're still together by eatting from my bowl, sharing the same straw from a fountain drink, offering her food to me. I tried to avoid eye contact with her and keep my distance to avoid the intimate side that I want from her, but I felt she tried to keep close to me and kept looking at me with her eyes (as I could see from quick glances and from my side view). I'm so confused, how can someone after going out for 3 years, saying she loves me and wants to travel with me only 2 weeks before the break up bluff, say she doesn't love me anymore....
Hey:
My ex-girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for 3 years, we’ve been best friends at first for 1 year so we’ve known each other for 4 years. About a week ago, I made some mistakes and didn’t pay enough attention to her which made her really angry. She loves to come over and sleep at my house even though she lives just a few blocks away from me (we both live with our parents). I’m 23 and she’s 22, she’s pretty much settled on her career however I’m still in school finishing up my degree. There was a day where she was angry at me for neglecting her while she was at my house sleeping over. I was entertaining myself by playing video games while she waited for me in my bedroom. Since that night, she packed her stuff in her washroom (as she has her own washroom in my house) and told me she never wants to sleep over again. The next couple of days were rough; she was pretty mean to me as I could tell her was angry at me still. Then she was quite sad and kept asking me whether or not if I still loved her, as she felt that I didn’t anymore. I am madly in love with her but being in a 3 year relationship has become so comfortable that I forgot what it was like doing the chasing game etc... For some reason that I can’t remember, I went to her house and initiated a break up bluff to see how she would react by asking “So-and-so, did you want to break up with me, is this what you want?” She agreed to it and started crying a lot and said she still wanted to be best friends and still wanted to see me. I left and called her ½ hour later to see how she was feeling, she said she felt so alone and that she has no one else to talk too. I told her that I would like to start fresh again and start chasing her, she agreed to it and said that she can see us being back together. So we went out on a date a couple days later and asked her if she had a good time and she said she did. I took her to dinner 2 days after the date and wanted to talk to her about what I said and wanted to apology and that I didn’t mean to offer the break up that it was a bluff. She told me she didn’t love me anymore, and that I need to stop chasing her or else I won’t be able to see her again. I begged her to stay with me and cried and threw myself at her; which now I know wasn’t a good thing to do. We were both crying a lot and emotions were flying. I gave her space for a few days after that, and it really bothered me still because I didn’t believe her. During those few days, she has been going out everyday with her friends which are my friends as well and hasn’t had an appetite or has been really quiet and out of her zone (as my friends told me). However, she says she’s happy and feels free from the relationship. I went to talk to her again and became more calm, strong and collective. I wanted her to say the things she wanted to say as she hasn’t really communicated with me much after the 2nd dinner night. She let it out and told me the stuff that hurt her a lot that I didn’t do such as not buying her flowers until our 2 year anniversary and not paying enough attention to her. She repeated that she doesn’t love me anymore but still wanted to be friends. I agreed to it and spent the day with her and she felt really happy and admitted she missed me those few days we didn’t see each other. We have each other’s house keys, however I did give it back when I offered the break up bluff, I told her if I could have my keys back and she grabbed it and tried to take it off, I offered to help and asked her if she wanted to still keep it and she said yes she did. We went to watch a movie that night and hung out later for a snack. After that night, I’ve come to realize that I should just let her go and understand that the relationship was broken up for a reason and she wasn’t ready to fight for it. I just read the book a day after and did the letter thing and agreed with the break up and gave her flowers to still show that I cared and as a token of an apology that I rarely bought her flowers when she loved them a lot. I’m going for the month NC thing and it’s really hard, I’m trying to focus on school right now because it just started... what do you take on this...?
Well, things didn’t go as I had hoped for. It was definitely a let’s take a break talk. She told me she’s feeling very confused and is not sure if this is what she wants. She has many reservations about us having a future together and not sure if it’s something we can work out. The only reason she can think of why she’s having these feeling, is because “we’re” just not meant to be. We had plans to fly out and visit her grandma this weekend and she decided that she is going alone. I left it that she should go have a good time, relax, think about what she wants, and to call me when she gets back. I’m going to follow the books suggestions and hope for the best. If you have any other advice or recommendations, I could really use the extra help!
Dhxer...you might want to talk about the fact that you have been "slack" and got comfortable in the relationship and you recognize that. One of the things you want to avoid is implying it's her fault too, she needs to admit that herself. Re-igniting relationship spark is not difficult when two people work to together. As far as taking a break, wouldn't mention it unless she does.
Thanks so much for the quick response, and yes, I'm pretty sure that's what is going on. We have kind of fallen into our daily routines and have not had enough time for us. The little things like, cleaning up the house is a very good example… didn’t seem like a big deal to me, but obviously it has become a very big problem. I have been reading through the book and the “why women leave their man” section is very, very helpful and I have a much better understanding now. The “take a break” talk is happening tonight, which I’d really like to avoid, if at all possible. Any suggestions to prevent the take a break before it actually happens… It may be too late, but if I can work on the things in the book without the actual break happening, I feel like we’d be in a much better spot. We just got a puppy 2 months ago and the thought of possibly not having both in my life is very hard to deal with. Thanks much for your advice!
Dhxer...One of the things I always think of in this situation when guys are on the receiving end after reasonably long relationships is to sit down and take a look at then and now. In other words, you should think about and write down all the things she liked about you, how you behaved then, the little things you did that she liked...anything that you perhaps aren't doing now or lightened off on. Are you taking her for granted, do you groom as well as you did then, are you tidy around the house? I'm just throwing some examples at you. You might be surprised at what you come up with when you analyze it a little.
The Magic Of Making Up book spends time on this area and it's extremely important. Let us know how it pans out.
My girlfriend of almost 2 years is going to have the “talk” with me today and I really could use some advice, I’m pretty sure she wants to take the dreaded break. Everything has been going great, (it’s been amazing) except for the last couple weeks, I’ve noticed that she’s been getting angry with me about little stuff. She always apologizes for getting angry after the fact and is confused as to why she’s so angry with me for no apparent reason. We were both supposed to go to my sister’s birthday party last night, but out of the blue, my girlfriend said she wasn’t feeling very well and thinks that we should take a break so she can figure out what is making her sad and to reevaluate our relationship. I have such a horrible feeling that the end is near. We’re both 33 and have been in long term (3-5year) relationships before and have had many conversations about marriage, kids, religion beliefs, and why those past relationships didn’t work out, all of which I thought was a great foundation to build on a long term relationship, we both have the same goals and views. She says she loves me very much but needs to figure out where these sad and depressing feeling are coming from. I don’t know what to do? All my instincts are saying, “hey, let’s talk about this and get through it,” but from everything I’ve been reading, I should just let her go and wait for her to contact me first. I’m very scared in doing this, as she’s such a strong willed person, that once she makes up her mind, I’m not sure if she’ll be so inclined to change her decision. We have talked about the, “lets take a break” statement and have actually made jokes about it in the past, that it really means the breakup is coming soon. Please help, what can I do before the, “I want a break,” conversation?
Stillhavehope...Really sorry to hear what you're going through and feel your pain. Right now, the main piece of advice I can give you is you need to start using the information in the book. Start the NC as soon as possible. Trying to make sense of what you've written is hard because I get the feeling he is trying to cop out but feels bad about hurting you. At the moment, seems like while he's "getting his cake and eating it too" he'll keep showing up. As much as it must hurt, you need to be stronger. It doesn't seem like you did anything wrong in the relationship so can't see a reason for an apology. He needs to start missing you and NC is important.
Kaulana... I would just keep doing what you're doing. The temptation is huge right now to get things on again but I get the feeling it will happen naturally.
My boyfriend and I of 2 years broke up 3 weeks ago. The break up was due to him saying that while he loved me he is not " in love" with me. After initially breaking up he sent a very long heart felt email in which he said that he loves me, isn't truly walking away and that his heart is in it more then he thought but that we need to try something different in order to truly see if we could have a chance one day. I then called him in response to ask him to clarify and he just said we need to be over for now. That he is not being the man i deserve etc. He also keeps saying he cant say we will never be again and that he might be making a mistake... But still insists on the break up. After that conversation a few days later he had text me saying " I hope your having a good day". I responded that I was well. There have been other texts like this as well as phone calls between us that end with us both crying, alot of running in circles, and confusion but always still wanting tge break up.He is working out of state right now and just recently came back for a week to visit. During that time we have had contact and have even been intimate once. He has " coincidentally" shown up three different times where I am at shown jealously, concern etc. Lately though we have argued a bit over text and today had a long telephone conversation that ended with the same thing: he loves me is not in love with me... Except this time he said he doesn't have hope for us right now, that he is not over me, doesn't know what he wants, isn't fair to ask me to wait until he figures it out etc. I then ended up crying asking alot of " why" and him just becoming frustrated and cold. I have Magic of Making up and need to know about the letter... Should I send it? I also realize I need to start NC and although we have been officially over for 3 weeks now we have been intimate, talked ever few days both getting along and arguing. I have also seen him several times. I guess I haven't really given him a chance to feel the loss... I'm confused as to what I need to do now! Please help...
Haven't been on Here in a while. Last time I came here I told you I was going camping w my kids and mother and that my ex wanted to come and she did. Things went very well, she said she thought she would feel uncomfortable but her words were "I felt very comfy". She couldn't sleep the first night cuz she said she had a lot on her mind and wanted to talk, the bed she slept on was really uncomfortable too so the next day I told her I was gonna ask if she wanted to sleep on the mattress chair w me? And she said I shouldve and she probably wouldve. She didn't wanna wake up our kids or my mom also she said.
Since then things been going well, we talked on the phone one night or about 40 min. It was supposed to be about our daughters party but the conversation was hardly about that. We still text almost all throughout the day an she said he wishes we could talk every night instead of texting, I said that would be great. When I get my kids she looks phenomenal and you can tell she is trying to look her best. I told her you don't have to look so pretty just for me you know;), and she said I do it for you. We met in person today to talk about our kids bday again and she invited me into her house and made me lunch, we went to starbucks and stayed for a few hours and really didn't get much done(this could be a good sign that she just wants to be around me) we just talked about stuff. We were able to talk about things openly and smiled and laughed w each other.
She said what would I do if she's not ready for a relationship just yet? Would I wait for her? Because she said I don't have to. I responded by saying I'm not sure, she texted me back fast and said "you're not sure? Of what?" so she was kinda surprised by my answer or she's trying to test me some. I know she still cares about me and has feelings and I feel the same about her. She wants to take it day by day. Should I pull any moves on her? Flirt with her? Just be her friend? I know her and I have a lot of sexual chemistry together but she said of we just jump back into it we could fall into the same routine
makingupmagic
Thank you for the quick response. Yes I believe she knows ive been dating as im pretty good friends with her brother and we have other mutual friends who know what were both up to. Though I cant be positive I think she is not dating anyone.
thanks for the advice and let me know if you have any other tips. I really appreciate it
nice one, ta, glad I came across your site.
Unsure...the area of the book that would help you is the maintenance phase. From what you've said, it sounds that she maybe still wants to be in this relationship despite what you've said about her having enough. Her suggesting you're running away indicates some pretty strong feelings. Would not have sent a lengthy response but kept it brief.
I would give her a couple more weeks at least with the ball in her court.
Feeling Lost...Break ups are a part of life and we have to deal with them at some point in our lives. Most of the time I find people just want to share their experience and that's why this page has been set up.
In your situation, it's a case of adapting to the current mood. Right now, reading between the lines he is feeling pretty hurt at the moment as you obviously are and I'm thinking he's weighing up his options. Not knowing what you did to hurt him it's hard to make a call. One thing I hope you didn't do was hurt his respect. Men crave respect and it's one area that can pierce like a missile. The letter might be a good idea in your case but that's just going on what I've read so far.
By the way - thank you very much for any assistance you may be able to provide. - not normally rude - must be distracted or something i guess.
many thanks
Hi,
I'm not overly sure this book will be of much use to me.
I am actually still with my Mrs, we have been rocky over the last year or so - with her being the partner contributing most in the relationship. She's stated she doesn't feel like we've been in a relationship almost - as I go off and do my own thing. Recently, a few months ago I considered our relationship - and thought - sh*t, I'm buggering up a good thing here. Basically, I fancy the pants off her and we're best mates.
3-4 weeks ago she said she wanted to finish. I objetected - rationally stating that we were good together. I agreed with her about some of my failings in our relationship - namely not spending enough time with her, being affectionate and being lazy around the house. I told her I would change - in fact I'd already changed somewhat since I'd had the thought that I was going to ruin a good thing.
We've stayed together at the house and she's going to decide whether to give it a go. I've worked hard on the house doing DIY and stuff, and she's done very little. I had to book time off work so I was pestering her to take time off to go away - so we could do some nice things together. She's taken a few days away at her mums to think about the relationship. When she gets back we have good times together and we talk about the furture - then sometimes she gets to thinking may be we're not suited - I have told her look we're great co of X,Y and z.
The day before we had the possibility of going on holiday - she said she didn't want to - she wanted to work on the house - but I've been working lots on the house, fitting it around my job, and she's been going to her mum's to get her head straight. That night - she did say it might be good for me to go away as it would give her time to think. When I asked what she had been thinking about the relationship - "was it good or not?", she said not. She comes up with I love you but I'm not in love with you tosh. I asked her if the last few weeks had been good - and she said yes - but like a friendship - but we are best mates anyhow.
I later left her a note to the effect that - I was going away on my lonesome - to have a good time doing outdoor pursuits, and that I wouldn't contact her during that time and a week would be sufficient to make her mind up whether she wanted to give it a go or not. I said if she was there when I get beck - then fantastic, if not and her stuff was gone, then I wish her all the best for the future - and I wouldn't be in a position to speak to her again.
She tried to phone me while I was travelling - I didn't answer, she texted, asking if she would see me before I left - i replied something to the effect - no, onway, take care.
She later sent a lengthy upset message - stating that she had wanted to sort the house out, and that the last 3 weeks had been an improvement, and that a week to sort her head out was probably not enough, And that she felt I was running away.
I sent a lentghy response - but I've heard nothing back.
That's where I'm at.
Hi there - first of all can i just say thanks for answering everyone! Clearly there are so many people all over the world going through the same thing! I just brought the book but was wondering.
My X dumped me a week and a half ago and it was hard. I did ALOT of things in the relationship that had hurt him. Not cheating or anything but like what the book says i just didnt appreciate what i had (boy do i ever now) and never listened to what he was trying to tell me. Hard lesson to learn but i am thankful i have learnt it...
He dumped me and I begged/cried/ pleaded/ and threw myself at him etc etc and then i text him a few days after as well - saying sorry for the things we talked about and that i couldnt under hurt etc but wanted to try....(only human) he of course did not reply which is probably for the best and i decided to stop texting him. I have made no contact for a week. So i was wondering should i bother with the letter? Doesnt that break the no contact rule? Or no?
Vincent...I know this will hurt but I agree. By the sound of it she has moved on. NC her and look at dating again. It could re-spark an interest but I think for your own sanity it can help you find a little happiness again. Keep us posted on how it works out.
ClimberMike... Thinking about this I wasn't so sure the letter would be needed here because you really haven't haven't done too much wrong. However, my advice is to just stay a friend and be there for her. Yes, this will be tough but in the meantime, she needs to know you are dating. Does news of you going out with someone else get back to her?
So my ex and I have been broken up for 3 months exactly, we were together for 2 1/2 years and were talking about moving in together. When she left she said it really wasn't me but that she was unsure about spending the rest of her life with me because she has never known anything else. I was her first everything, love, serious bf and sexual partner. I'm 25 and she is 24 and I dated a lot before I met her and knew that she was the one for me. She felt that at first love is a stepping stone to the next. While she said I was amazing to her and that she loved me she was hesitant. After reading t-dubs book I realize that we had poor communication and both didn't appreciate each other enough.
So I of course during the first 2 weeks after the break up did all the wrong things, drunken text and calls. only a few though. She texted me a little also. Then I told her it would be better if we didn't contact each other (a wrong move I think). I didn't hear from her for a month, but know she kept tabs on me through mutual friends. She then had I sports injury and I texted her to just ask if she was doing ok. we texted back and forth and then had a nice friend chat on gmail the next day.
I had been dating around quite a bit into the 2nd month and then sent her a lengthy email asking what the real reasons for the break up was because I wanted to improve myself and not make the same mistakes and to confirm we were through (I stupidly told her I still loved her). She told me a couple things that bugged her and they were minor, but confirmed that she needed to grow as a person and see if she was a better person in other relationships. I know she hasn't really dated anyone yet though.
so for another month we didn't talk and I was dating a girl that was only around for the summer. I had fun and tried to move on, but realized when the other girl left that I'm still madly in love and want my girl back. So I messaged her on gmail to ask hows she been and we chatted some, I told her that I thought it had been enough time where we could have friendly chats once in while and she agreed. The texted her happy birthday the other day and she messaged me gchat and we talked a little but the conversation was short.
I have no idea what my enxt move should be even after reading the magic of making up. I know shes been super active and her friends tell me she is really happy and on "busy high"
Is it to late to write the letter? should I just continue to let her contact me and then eventually ask her to hangout out on a friendly outing? Or is it to late? she is a stubborn strong willed girl who doesn't like to second guess herself. I need help??
Now my exe is seeing her exe from three years ago i think ive lost i bourght the book but i think its to late ive been tring 4 4 months i think its time to let go otherwise i just go round in circles i cant see anyway back
yes, i started dating. i still think about her all the time and as ive known her for 12 years, i doubt that ill forget her. still hurts so much. thanks again.
Just hopped on the site and saw ur comment...She told me she hates me today...this to and fro thing she is giving off is doing my head in...gonna go quiet for a while now, best for both of us I think for now...see what happens.
JSR...there's obvious interest there but as I said before, I get the feeling that because you make yourself accessible she's going to keep wanting to catch up with you. Nothing wrong with being a friend and it also doesn't hurt for you to be seeing other people.
Flier...wouldn't read too much into it. You did the right thing as far as I'm concerned by telling her you'll be a friend but it doesn't mean you're going to get all needy and want to spend every minute of the day with you. It shows you as a person with a bit of character.
Have you started dating again?
Hurts So Bad... The book will be a definite assist in your situation. I gather you two spend time away from each other because of school. Reading between the lines, sounds like he still very much is interested. Breaking up over silly situations happens often but the surprising thing is, it often happens because there have been underlying issues festering for sometime and it doesn't take much to bring it to a head.
From what I can gather from your post this could just be a case where some time away will make him miss you to want to continue the relationship. The book can give you some really good insights.
Makingupmagic
Well I stuck to my guns...she called Thursday night to see if I was going out, (weekends here are Friday & Saturday)...I wasn't planning to but the conversation frustrated me as she was also saying she didnt want me so I grabbed a few mates and hit the bars...got a couple of numbers but wasnt chasing that hard. Since then I stayed quiet till she called again tonight and met for dinner where she got it out of me that I had met a couple of girls - this basically turned the entire meal into her asking question after question about them...it was exhausting really...anyway I dropped her off a few hrs ago.
Is this a sign of her wanting to keep control or that she wants me to hang around and keep fighting for her...talk about mixed signs...I'm gonna keep quiet for the rest of the week and no doubt she'll call again when its weekend time again.
Anyhow - your advice is top notch...really cool to see the other side of the perspective.
my ex came back again and said she can only offer frienship and if i cant do that, then i should move on. she txts me once a week and stupid me, i said its ok to be friends yesterday. never heard back. called and txt her today and no response. she usually txts on sat. said shes not w someone. is she playing me or does she want to see if she can trust me. i dont want her, but i dont get her. i feel used and i am mad that i told her that id rather have her in my life as a friend then nothing. its clear shes over me, so she never really loved me. what do you think her deal is?
Hi:
My boyfren of 3yrs broke up with me a week ago. He broke up with me the night b4 he was leaving to return back to away to school. The argument was a small and dumb situation which he himself admitted to but when I asked him if this was what he wants how he said he guessed so and it's how he felt right now and what he wants right now. I told him I felt that maybe the breakup is for the best and i wished him good luck in school etc and I left. Later he messaged me askin if we were friends and I told him I couldnt be his friend right now so he said well that would make me his enemy and that was it. Anway two days after he left I got a call from him and I made sure to sound happy and content (not desperate, angry or missing him). He said he was just trying to test his new phone number and so I said ok and ended the convo. Do you think the book will help me? I haven't contacted him at all.
Yamaha... I like to think I know a little about long distance relationships and one of the biggest pieces of advice I can give is this needs to be a mutually accepted decision.
I really admire your courage for deciding to make the move and sincerely hope it works out for you but I need to say you are taking a huge risk. One of the main reasons is his mindset - you said he's not sure if it would work. This always worries me when I hear it for the long term success of a relationship. To be honest, it's almost like saying "no, I really don't want a relationship."
Also. please find out if he's already in a relationship and I mean really find out. You don't want to get there and then discover he is. I applaud your courage and dedication and really hope you find true love. Please let us know what you decide and how it turns out.
Thanks for the guidance. I was in a long distance relationship with my ex and we were together for close to one year. He broke up with me when I flew to see him and told me that we are too different and a part of him just didn't want to try it anymore. I was talking about me taking the big move to where he lives but he told me numerous time that he didn't want me to move only for him because he wasn't sure if the relationship would work. Perhaps he was already thinking to break up with me but couldn't do it till I saw him face-to-face. It has been 4 weeks that we haven't contacted each other (he sent me an email wishing me Happy Birthday 2 weeks after we broke up while I replied with a brief msg thanking him) and I am planning to move to where he lives (about an hour away) anyways because I want him back BUT I won't let him know. I am hoping he will contact me in the future or find out from our mutual friends that I made this decision on my way. The question is I am not sure if he wants me back and if he finds out I am in his country and only an hour away, he will want me back. Afterall, that wont happen for another 4 months as I am planning everything now and thinking to do some medical volunteering for 2 months before I move to where he lives. ....
Advise please?
Mi Destino... there's probably not much else I can tell you if you have the book. I hope you are using the tips it's providing.
If there's one thing I can say is that while getting him back may take a bit of work, you should try working on yourself as well. Please take this as constructive criticism. I am only going on what you've written...for example, you say he doesn't like the way you take care of yourself and likes how you were in the beginning. Maybe go back to the beginning and see what sort of response you get.
That's just one thing I spotted in your text. There is a good relationship maintenance section in the book and you might want to read it several times. I truly hope it works for you and you can "nail" a job soon.
me and my boyfriend of 2 years broke up this past april and we have a baby girl on the way, im 6 months pregnant. when he first broke up with me he said that he needed space and that i was smothering him (we lived together) this was april 2010, afterwards he avoided me and started staying out late and not comming home until midnight to get sleep so that he could go to work, he would get up to go to work then i wouldnt see him again till that night.
on april 15 i found out from a close friend of ours that he was dating one of his female friends that we would fight about him letting her go( this was the root of all our fights), after i found out this info i called him and told him that i knew, that i was breaking the lease and moving back home with my mother and that he should do the same, so we did. now after april i found out that i was pregnant with his baby, i told him and he said that he wanted me to keep the baby and i wanted an abortion but he insisted that i keep it, now all this time he broke up with the female friend and said that he wanted to work on us and us not fighting but coexisting. now when he said coexisting i figure he ment us being friends only but he cleared that up, he ended up loosing his job in may and was on uneployment staying at home with his mother just like i was and still is. now he has a new job and has had it for the past 3 weeks, before he had his job we started spending alot of time together, some weeks we where fine feeling in love and then some weeks we would be on bad terms again.
as of right now im in a situation that i have to move by oct 1st because my mother doesnt want me living in her home any more and he knows that. i do not have a job even though ive been looking for one and my mother insist, besides the issues i have with my mother he tells me that he loves me but needs his space because alot of things need to change like me nagging him and asking him questions as to where he's been going and his plans and that he doesnt see a relationship with me right now.
i told him that i miss him and that i want to spend time with him he says that he knows but he's just not ready to see me because of the physical fights we have gotten into more so me hitting him and he doesnt want it to happen again. he has cut ties with two of his female friends that i have had a problem with in the past and says that he is not dating any one else but i have noticed that he does not spend the night at his mothers house anymore but he does still take baths there and he does go home after work, i have gotten the book and i really love this man i have a 4yr old who he loves very much and she knows him as daddy, now with our first child together on the way i want to spend time with him and get him back to feeling that im the girl he wants to marry( everytime we argue he says that i took his wife from him and that he doesnt like the way i take care of my self because of how i was in the beginning but he is still physically attracked to me). is there any advice besides the book that is unique to my situation is my question?
JSR..."stick to your guns." Giving in doesn't mean you have a relationship with her anyway other than the one where you are being run around in circles and feeling hurt. If she doesn't contact you then that should tell you plenty about whether she cares or not. From what I can gather, she seems needy for attention.
I still think the real "Mrs. Right" is waiting around the corner. But if you make this work and it works out then good on you but don't get stuck in a one-way relationship where the success of it hinges on whether you jump every time your partner "cracks the whip." That means you will be feeling a whole world of insecurity. It's an equal partnership.
Vincent...go the no contact and take a look at the book. Things will become much clearer for sure.
makingupmagic 21 hours ago
JSR... not sure you want to hear this but I would go the NC route and stick with it. Think going down the path you're going is just going to give you a whole world of hurt.
Your right man, need to stick to it...your advice is really good stuff.
I wrote her a note, but this was responded with "ok, never contact me again then"...Shall I stand firm or give in, I already pretty much know your answer to this?
I know she cares or she wouldnt act like this - she wants to be chased by me...well not now...what will be will be, I still want her back, get the feeling she does also when she texts me stuff like "I wish I could be with you"...but this could be a ploy to force me to carry on being a wuss?
Fluft it all up last night and now we are not speaking and she says we have no future but was crying when she was saying it so ijust said bye i dont know how to handle it should i just not contact her for a month get the book then work on it from there
jjakatw... Definitely remain friends with her. There's no guarantee her current relationship will last. Not sure no contact is needed here. Just be a friend and let her know your plans about you moving there for work. But be subtle about it.
One other thing...we were friends long before we dated...now that she is seeing someone else, she still wants us to remain friends. So that is where I am not sure what to do...I want so badly to talk to her...and be her friend...but it hurts like hell. So like I said earlier...I began no contact with her. But is that the best way to go...if she wants to remain friends...and I just want her back?
Thanks for your comments, it gives me some hope. I have been currently looking for a job in the area where she lives and plan on moving there whether we are together or not. Because I feel that it definately shows I mean business. From there I guess we will see. Right now have stopped contact for the past 2 days and it is killing me. I want to answer the phone when she calls, answer her texts, and her emails. Ugh...how long do I have to go before I speak to her? This is really hard.
It was a three year relationship too surley she cant just let go!!!
brilliant i know alot of time has passed but i dont want to be her friend then stay as just a friend im getting this book friday i will see how it goes.
It hard being a friend when u had so much more with someone i think if i can get her to relieze that she can have me and her dreams and need to get the trust between us back its just creating that want from her which is hard.
I need her to come to me ooo the dilemmer hopefully the book will help
JSR... not sure you want to hear this but I would go the NC route and stick with it. Think going down the path you're going is just going to give you a whole world of hurt.
jjakatw... I guess that definitely says it all but not sure you ought to give up on her. All I can offer is if you are really serious about making a life with her then you probably need to show her you're committed to it and one way would be to move. But that's your choice. Between you, me and the other readers here, I was there and moved 17,000 miles to be with my wife. It's worked out perfectly but I left a lot behind including family and the dream job...I mean dream job.
It worked for me but I was in the right mindset. Whether it works for you depends on how bad you want it.
Vincent...Three months is a long time. Look, you've already let a lot of time go by and from what you're saying, you haven't really shown any needy behavior which is good. Sounds like the pregnancy may have scared her off the relationship for now. Get the feeling at her age she has some things she wants to accomplish before committing to anything. That's her choice and all you can really do is continue to be a friend to her. The book is a great investment at the price and something you can have in your arsenal at any time you need it. I'm sure you'll find stuff in there relevant to your situation.
Just continue being her friend.
Kaulana... I would keep doing what you're doing. Not acting needy looks like it is doing the trick and you're making her come to you. You're doing fine.
Me and my girl friend broke up about 3 months ago we still see eachother once a week but its always me who initiates it. I know i love her and we talk about a future ish or she says that in the futrure we might have a chance i want her back to and have agreed it was right then said i couldnt be friends but now i am all my own doing. i dont know if its to late and have no clue what to do ive stopped contact for two weeks but ended up giving in and contact her im thinking about getting this book but it could be to late she last said she loved me about 4 weeks ago but not since she says she love me but isnt in love and doesnt want to comit i need a plan and i dont know how to go about it its to late for the letter thing and its like she loves me but there is no fight in her cause im always there we had a good three year relationship where living toghether the lot im 22 shes 20 and she sayss she just wants to do her own thing for now and that includes seeing other people another thing 4 days before she dump me we found out she was pregnate and had an abortion just after she went away to africa for a month i know it was mine due to dates im in a messed up situation and did talk the talk and didnt walk the walk i think her trust in me has gone but i dont no what do i do this girl did love me so deeply but i have never let her think she has lost me or had to chase me HELP if someone can
So I have some good news, last week my ex and I met up to talk and like I said it went very well however we did have a mutual break up. Since that day she has been texting me everyday sometimes first thing in the morning and at night. I usually font respond til a while later if that and with short nice answers. I have noticed she's been acting different...she asked if I wanted to take the kids trick or treating together(it's awhile away) and I'm supposed to take my kids camping this weekend nd invited her last month but she didn't give me a answer and brushed it off. Today she said she's thinking about going w us in Friday and I didn't really say much to it...she's texting me right now as we speak and she asked if it's ok if she comes? I was friendly about it and said sure. So good news, any tips when I see her?
Yes we are still long distance...which was part of the issue...neither of us wanted to move. She wanted me to move there...and I just wasn't sure about leaving my kids (even though they are adults). But since she started dating I have decided she is worth me putting the miles between my kids and I...for my happiness. As far as being together we were in some sort of a relationship...but I just wouldn't commit and she decided she wanted that more than waiting on me to grow. I have told her that I will do anything for her...but she wants to see where this new relationship goes...and is unsure what she wants. I suppose that says it all huh?
Cheers bub...being in Dubai without friends or family is tough - just wanna say thanks.
I think her calling is either a way of keeping me in check or a passage for her to let go easily...do u think the NC route works for me or should I try a limited route, keep her in the circle or cut her loose?
I feel cr@p having to resort to display my thoughts in forums but it is the only way I seem to get answers, I want her back so much, I made mistakes but I know I can make her happy - and judging on the number of guys she is seeing and dropping I think she is not finding the same thing we once shared.
Anyway - soz for wasting your time, you habe probably heard itso many times before...not sure which way to play this or even if to bother wasting my will to make it back with her.
R
No problems JSO. The problem here isn't whether she still wants you or not but she is being pretty selfish and unsympathetic to your feelings right now. You are hurting. Hearing her talking about her dates would be ripping your heart out. No one can understand why you are putting yourself through this other than those who have been in the same position. I know and it's really tough to break away. But you need too and accept other dates even just for the company.
I wish you well buddy. Good luck.
makingupmagic...
I did the no contact thing today, and she called me early evening, first of all it was all about how "I seem to be doing fine"...then it progressed to how she after 3 dates dropped her gut and had a list of new dates lined up...I was doing good today until that call.
She asked loads of questions about what I am doing, asking if I am going on dates then she drops the "I still dont want to be with you" thing...thing is she is being taken out almost every other night with guys...I really dont know what is going on here, is it a control thing or a underlying thing to make me prove I can be the one for her...I really dont know.
Anyway, I have been asked out for a date but turned it down...dont really want to spend the time or effort with other girls...it seems so counter productive to do suxch a thing when I know what Ireally want - especially when I know that my ex still must have feelings for me otherwise she wouldn't be as she is acting...
Its her birthday tomorrow so I have to do something, already bought her some gifts a few weeks back but we are having dinner on Friday...not sure how to play it.
I really dont think the NC works for me esp as if I try it it is met with anger, hostility and the statements taht "I'm moving on"...I think she wants the effort but this is mnaking me look weak/needy...etc...
It doesnt help that she is an absolute fox - she is acting like she can afford to be...when I am stuck in a rotten place...I dont want to be her emotional tampon...and I dont want to waste my life for nothing.
Cheers for replying...
jjakatw... Are you guys still living the long distance relationship thing? I've written several times about long distance relationships and eventually someone needs to make the decision to be with the other. But it has to be mutually decided and accepted.
Also trying to figure out whether you were seeing each other full on and broke up or not.
JSR... Sorry to hear you're going through some emotional times right now. I am really hopeful things will improve in your love life soon. Now I don't want to sound harsh but from what I've interpreted in your message, she's dumped you, you've been told she loves you no more yet you cannot move on with your life and date other girls while she can see other guys?
There's something seriously wrong here and I think one of the first things you need is some injection of self esteem, in other words, get out and meet other people and know you can date again. No contact means no contact and if she's not happy with it then perhaps you might want to point out it seems like she's chasing you. Got the feeling she hasn't let you go yet.
I apologize for sounding a little harsh but I'm sure others would see it the same way given what you've described. She needs to choose between having her cake and eating it too. It sounds like you've been chained to a post after being abandoned and honestly, you deserve much better and the right person is out there for you.
I am trying to decide whether to buy your book or not. I had a long distance relationship with someone for 2 years...she is the love of my life...but I was still dealing with a break up of an 11 years relationship so I kept putting her off. A month ago she told me that she started dating someone. It hurts like hell because within days prior to that she still professed her love to me...and still says she has those feelings. That right now she is unsure what she wants...that she is enjoying herself right now. Do you think I have any chances of getting her back? Or should I move on?
Hey
I bought the book just under a week ago and still havent been able to put any of the tips into practice. We broke up about 6 weeks ago and she moved out 3 weeks ago, I helped her move...have lent her money, and since she moved out we have met up a couple of times a week, she says she still wants to be my friend but has no love for me anymore. I typically make these meet ups a chore by breaking down and pleading with her to come back to me, even more so as she is meeting and dating other guys.
She also calls me often, we talk good for a while then ultimatly I do the same as when we are in person...everytime we finish a call I just want to call her back. Some other things also...she went through my phone and called a female friend who had contacted me out of the blue and called her giving her the 3rd degree - I have actually lost this friend now also. She also goes through my FB friend list and ordered me to delete a couple of female friends on the list - which I did as they wernt really close friends.
Anyway - I tried the no-contact for a day and this just made her angry so I stopped...the thing is we get along great, we love spending time together but this situation to me just seems so different to anyone elses or what is written in the book...I'm going crazy not knowing the right way to turn and I live and work away in a country where I have little support.
What should i really do - stop calling her and acting needy...this just provokes a reaction to her with her saying "your fine now" when I am not...or call and try keep things happy and bring out the pleading routine...it's just so hard to know what to do...I miss her so much and I dont want to ruin my chances by taking the wrong steps.
I am moving on, but it still hurts so much. I was wondering if by asking that was her way of saying she made a mistake. Don't know why she didnt respond, but oh well. If she texts me again, Im going to tell her to stop as she made her decision to exit my life.
Flier...I would leave comments out such as "I'm not the one." I would have left it at the first response. See, by doing that you are creating curiosity and playing hard to get. But you sound like you're ready to move on. I'm thinking that's a good move.
well, my ex texted me to say hi. i didnt respond for a day and it was just hi and i said to be well and be sure to take care of yourself. she asked if i was leaving and i wrote she did that by telling me im not the one, etc. i also asked her why did she want to know if im leaving. no response. i wouldnt see her if i could anymore, just dont get her at all. any ideas?
Thanks for your help...it will take some time to get over her. She will still make the effort to text me daily, and she still tells me what she did or I'd doing.exp//"just finished accu. Going to the park n eat, Gianna was laughing really hard earlier...I told you she is like you" so she still sends me stuff like that...and we did chat n reminice til 1030 pm last night....not sure what that means. Was just about when we first met and some of the things we remembered early on in the rela. In my mind I'm moving on but I'm still gonna try n be there for her...
I Miss Him... In a word, yes, the book will definitely help your situation. One of the great things about T Dub's book is the ongoing maintenance tips he offers. They sound ideal for your relationship and definitely would have been perfect before things fell apart. Don't give up as he seems close enough and it may not take much to get this ship back on track.
Kaulana... I'm sorry it hasn't worked out and the good thing is that you guys have been able to call it a day amicably. That's very mature and shows something special in your relationship. It's hard I know, been there but instead of trying to jump back into another relationship take some time out for you and appreciate being single for awhile. Continue to be a good friend to her. You'll be fine and I've been kind of inspired by the way you have handled and conducted yourself through all this.
Hello Makingupmagic,
This is my first time on this site as I've been going through a tough time dealing with my ex breaking up with me 1 MONTH ago. We have been friends for 2 years and been together OFFICIALLY for 3 years so I known him throughout 5 years. He basically said "HE does not know about our relationship, but believes we need to make drastic changes to make things better?" which I take it as a break up! He also mentioned the reason by saying "we drifted away and we are not intimate like we used to". What breaks my heart is we never fought, we got along just great, but the matter of the fact is we DID drift away within the last month together and plus our relationship did need a good ol spark charged since we been mentally and physically drained with college, stupid retail jobs, and not having much luck with career jobs since the economy fell under. I think we both just kept focus on getting career jobs since graduating from college (we are 24 years old) . I just am still in denial of the breakup especially b/c he broke up with me on the phone, and has not intiated any physical contact to see me, but numerous text messaging and a few phone calls are still present. I made the mistake of begging and crying twice to him, but he just leaves no hope only to say he still cares and that he just "does not know, but that I am still the number one girl in his life?"
Confusing part is he mentions I am still the number one girl in his life, but he just has to get his career job since he got his BA degree and needs money fast?. I also forgot to mention he's been financially struggling for years paying his way through college/utility bills. It's like he is not thinking about the relationship as of now. From my understanding, i asked and he even mentions there is no one else in his life. He keeps saying, "how can I have another girl in my life when I can't even take you out to dinner like I used to, I have no money, I have bills that I can barely afford." So he stresses it enough that it is NO other girl, that he just needs to clear his mind to think and get situated (24 yr old guy that still lives at home with mom and dad). But why I don't want to believe him? I really don't know why. I want to believe its another girl in his life.
He thus sends me "I miss you so much; I care for you so much, I think of you" which I find those messages as Bull****! I made the mistake of contacting him when he contacts me, but not as much. When he realized I was not doing much "chasing" after him, he mentions if he could go with me to the movies and says "Don't you miss me at all?". I am like, what kind of stupid guy would ask me that after I done all I could to get him back in the beginning.
I made the last mistake 3 days ago by texting him and telling him I apologize and that I love him and asked him what went wrong in our relationship and he just kept saying "I felt you pushed me away" blah, and he have not responded in 3 days since I scared him off I'm assuming?
I really want this man back in my life, but not sure if it is too late anymore. It already been 1 month and not much positive signs. He just told me last week that he wanted to take me out to the movies but he hasn't mention anything (guess I am waiting til it happens?), but not sure if it is normal for me to bother when this guy has not really tried to see me since we broke up, doesn't even mention about our relationship. Almost like 5 years, gone out the window. Is the book reasonable for my situation? It has been 1 month since the "I don't know" so called break up.
well had a little meeting with my ex yesterday...I would say things ended well. There was no arguing, there were some tears bewteen both of us. I exressed how i felt and gave her the clean slate method of apology and i know that changed her view a little. She did forgive me and we hugged aftewards. She texted me 10 min after i dropped her off and we did chat through texting til about 945. She did say all of this "you just wanted to see me:)...Youll make someone really happy...hopefully things wont be weird between us, im sure it wont...Im not saying its easy to see you move on but its prob best right now. Maybe you need to see other people and work on yourself...Let me know when u find a girl;)...id prob be a little jealous but id get over it"
i told her good night...at 9 am I got four long texts from her and Ill write this down too "Just need to say a couple of things, we have no idea what the future will be like, idk if my feelings will change. But you know that you dont have to wait on me. If you meet someone then good for you, theres your second chance. I would like to know if you bring a girl around our daughters. I stll care and will always care for you. You are the father of my kids and we will always have a bond that we wont have with anyone else. I know you are a good person and will make someone really happy. Just let your past go and move on from your mistakes:)"
so that is that...I havent texted her back yet, makes me think she was thinking about it all night because she texted me in the morning. Its like shes letting go even tho she kinda doesnt want to...im still heart broken tho
Teressa...You will have to both commit to making it work. If you both want it then it can be yours but it needs both of you going the distance. The book has a really solid section on relationship maintenance. It's one of the reasons it's such great value. It not only helps getting them back after break up but follows up with the maintenance phase which many just forget about after reconciliation and slip back into their old ways.
Warmest thank you for your reply :)
Yes your right, a very stormy relationship. This has happened before, its been an emotional cycle.
When we are together and things are going well, its like heaven! But as soon as things go downhill, he runs away like this and never wants to resolve the issue.
I have apologised already, but he is very stubborn.
What I would really like to learn is how do I sustain the relationship and avoid this situation again.
Im going to purchase the book next payday, but im still contemplating whether I should just move on, like you say its been such a short amount of time.
Does it sound like we wont make it together in the longterm?... On & off, It becomes a headache after some time. I do love him, but do these sort of relationships even really last the distance???
Your reply would be greatly appreciated, thanx
Well, I'm not sure...on Wednesday when we meet up it will answer a lot of questions. I'm gonna give the clean slate method a try, any other advice you can give me? She sends me pics of my daughters and will ask me questions, nothing like I miss you or of that sort
Kaulana...You can give the clean slate method a try. As far as texting you everyday, what kind of things is she texting you about? Does any of it give any indication she wants you back? Just be careful not to read too much into it. As long as you're there for her and responding to her texts then she's going to keep sending you messages. But the bottom line is, are you any closer to getting back together?
Thanks for this information, it is clear that you know what you're talking about. I appreciate your insight. Hope to read more of your writing later!
If you want to quickly tweak the blog comment to make it relevant to the blog post that would be good too.
Should I do the clean slate technique?...howcome she texts me everyday? Not sure what that means
Teressa...this really sounds like a stormy romance. I get a little worried about hearing a relationship that's been on off several times in such a short period especially when you're looking at it to be long term.
Yes, the book can definitely help. Lots of things are said in anger we regret and it's one of my rules whenever I'm about to get into an argument, walk away and cool down. The Magic Of Making Up's apology strategies are second to none. I always say, for $39, you can't really go wrong with this book. It's got excellent tips in maintaining relationships which sort of sets it apart from others.
Rooting for you and keep us posted.
Hi Kaulana...firstly, I'm flattered to be called TDub but I'm not him. I'm one of his successful students.
Secondly, I get the feeling she's trying to let you down gently. She still wants to be friends but not sure whether there's romance in the future. Present a strong front when you meet and avoid the needy behavior. Man, I hope you can start to find some happiness soon.
Hello T Dub.
Im interested in purchasing the Magic of making up, but I'm a bit sceptical at the same time, only because I feel like my situation is useless.
Me & my ex have been on & off for the past 18 months. Everything was going fine up until a few weeks ago... We had plans for his birthday, but at the last minute he cancelled everything & said goodbye to me. Nothing that im aware of provoked his decision.
I didnt handle the situation very well at all, my ego took over and nasty things were said. Then he said he officially 'hates me and never wants to hear from me again'(his exact words) and I beleive him. I apologised for my words of anger, but he never replied, he ignores everything, even after I no contact for 2 weeks.
I'm extremely tempted to try your ebook methods and give this relationship one last chance to blossom, but a lot of damage has been done in the past too, we were on thin ice.
Is my situation hopeless, Should I just give up??
Or is there something in your ebook that can help me even though he wont speak a word to me???
Me again, just always wanted to know what does it mean if a girl says she doesn't have feelings for me, BUT she will still text me everyday w o me making the effort of texting her first?the longest she's gonna w o texting me was 1 full day..then I got a text in the morn at 730
T dub, need your help here man...I wrote you a couple of comments a week ago. I'm gonna meet with my ex sometime in the upcoming week, probably Wednesday or thursday just her and I, no kids. Here's my dilemma which has been killing me, she texted me"we'll be ok whether were a couple or just friends. No more hard feelings" what's your interpretation on that? Also, how should I go by this when I see her and how should I talk with her? The comment we'll be ok whether were a couple or just friends kinda bothered me...
Heartbroken...no it doesn't make sense, love never does. I feel for what you are going through emotionally at the moment and know how difficult it can be but I honestly couldn't tell you if he has any deep issues. My advice...seeing he hasn't bothered to respond it really might be time to make a fresh start. Do you really want to be with someone who goes awol and makes you feel like this?
Jonnyboy... Interesting you still went away on holiday after breaking up a week before. Three years ago, my partner and I went away on a cruise together with a couple of which one asked the other for a divorce four days before we left. It was rough!
Okay, a month later and I would still send the second chance letter if you are still wanting her back. You probably have nothing to lose. Stay positive but at least you'll know one way or the other.
MAKINGUPMAGIC -
What makes this most frustrating is that he seems to be holding a grudge over my inability to communicate when I'm upset, and now is being a hypocrite and not communicating as well. What happened in our situation (since you've been in a similar situation) is not THAT bad for this reaction. Do you think there is a deeper issue that HE isn't telling me? Because someone can't tell you that they love you one day, and then 2 days later tell you that their heart isn't in it any longer. It doesn't make sense...............right?
Hi I've just read the magic of making up and was wondering where i go from here.
Me and my girlfriend split up a week before we went away on holiday for 2 weeks and for the most part spent the holiday miserable and staring into space thinking about our relationship. We did have a few good times but as it was a holiday i had a few drinks and did and said some things that i really shouldn't have (like being really mean and aggressive to someone that came to talk to my ex - this never used to bother me before cos i knew she was mine and wouldn't do anything but then i didn't know)
We came back off holiday on quite good terms and she drove me back to my place and we had a hug for a while before she went. I texted her the next day and we were having a bit of a joke about stuff, but i sent a message and she didn't send one back so just left it there and have not sent any since.
I have since bought the magic of making up and have not contacted her for a week but it seems a bit of a weird way to finish it. Should I send her the 2nd chance letter or is it too late now (its been about a month now)
guess shee just wants time and if she loves me shell come back.
Flier...Not sure if you messed up your chances but definitely wouldn't have sent her messages. It's part of the break up period, there'll be days when you can get through without contacting her and others when the urge is overwhelming. You just need to fight the urges.
I broke nc after a few drinks and txted her that I. Loved her and to have a. Nice life. She wrote saying maybe we could get together in the future. So the next day and today I sent her a lot of long txts saying how I missed her and wanted her back. She said shell have to see about our future. So after I sent. More txts wanting her back. She saiid today that I should give her a break and that I'm making her insane. I wrtor saying I will give her space and she can txt me if she is ready someday. Did ii mess up my chances or does it seem she still. Cares. I didn't think I wanted her.
MAKINGUPMAGIC -
I don't know if this sounds crazy, but I feel as though there is something deeper that he is not telling me. Because with whomever I speak with as to the reason he walked away..."the punishment doesn't fit the crime" is what I hear. The fact that he has made NO contact whatsoever, as if I never existed...the fact that it seems he doesn't and hasn't missed me....too odd. I still don't know if he's read my letter yet....but we'll see........
Thanks again. I am going to kick it for a couple of weeks to gather myself because right now my deep down doesn't know which end is up. I sat down today and made phone calls and figured out the "departure list". I wanted so much just to send it to him and make him think about the life we have built together. Make him "bleed" if you would. But it would only be fun for a second and I know I would end up regretting being such a tyrant. So I won't, I will just know I am prepared financially should this come to an end. One less thing to worry about. I'll be okay for a couple of weeks as long as I don't have to open my mouth and say anything to him. I took myself to a movie today and have a fun day planned for tomorrow. I go back to work next week and that keeps me busy M-F. I will try to keep putting one foot in front of the other until this journey reaches its finale. Thanks again for your insight. You've really helped me to stay focused on being grounded rather than the terrorizing freak I know I can be.
Heartbroken... I wouldn't text him. As hard as this may sound, if he doesn't respond in the next few days then that may be your answer. I know you want to hear from him and really, it's something he needs to want to do. Do you really want to be with someone that can just walk away?
Time After Time... I get the feeling you really love him from your posts here. If you didn't then you probably would have moved on but reading your posts, you still show genuine concern for him and his well being. I'm just trying to read between the lines. Being angry at him for not personally handing you the money the other day also shows deep-rooted feelings. Someone who didn't have them would not have reacted.
Basically, the last question is trying to get your feeling about where you think this is headed. Sometimes instinct is hard to ignore. If you think deep down you should move on then maybe trust it. Right now, it seems to be tearing you up. Might be time to look out for number one for a change...you.
MAKINGUPMAGIC -
I know my letter has gotten there, but not sure when he will actually check the mail. Do you think I should text him and ask him if he received my letter?
And when he got upset with me over pretty much saying he was giving up, why did he give up the next night? This is the only reason why it's making me think he's trying to make a point, since he had that entire Monday night to think about it.
Again, I know he loves me and cares about me, but as confused as you are with the outcome, so am I. He seems to be holding a grudge........
What do you think?!
Hey again. I can see the avoiding conflict point. I believe that is why he left to begin with. It was a weekly battle over his working all the time instead of spending quality time with me. I am not understanding why you think he is running away from commitment though. I will need your male point of view on that one too please. Not to defend him because to me he is being a coward and treating me like someone that doesn't count by not standing up to his boss and saying that he has a life he needs to take care of at home and he doesn't want to work on his day off. Especially since he is not getting paid as previously agreed. That is just adding insult to injury for me and he can't see it. Maybe with him having to support himself for awhile he might see the light. But I can only dream. I also think he is just running away from me and he is probably at the realization that no matter what he does I am not happy. I am only speculating because I haven't really talked or texted him for over a week. Today was the first time since I first contacted you. This is going to sound seriously weird but I need to know how you see that I love him when in fact I don't know that myself. I can only feel anger and torn apart right now. Which is how I have been feeling for months. If you know something that I can't see please tell me. It would help me out alot. I think of all the woulda coulda shouldas and it is very clear to me that I have lost so many opportunities that I will never get back. It's like I am mourning a death. Can you also reword the very last question for me please. I can't grasp what you are asking me to think about. My gut and my head are having a serious conflict with my heart right now. Part of me is saying, hang out and see what he has to say. If he wants to make it work I will give it a shot. But on the flip side of that coin it is saying what if it stays the same...then what? The other part of me is just saying handle it like a business deal, cut the financial ties and move on. On the flip side of that, I don't know how to be single. It scares the hell out of me. Although for the last 4 years I have spent most of my time alone, this house sure is quiet now. I don't want to get lost in the emptiness.
From a guy's point of of view and I'm not saying this to defend him by any means but I get the feeling the reason he is dodging you is he's embarrassed to face you and wants to avoid conflict. That's fine. As I said before, you're doing the right things although I would have refrained from the texts when he left the money. I also get the impression he may be waiting for you to call it a day. I could be wrong but ask yourself this even though you obviously still love him, do you really want to stay with someone who seems to be running away from commitment after making an oath eleven years ago for better or for worse?
Really rooting for you and no, you don't suck. What does your own gut instinct say if you can't save this marriage?
Hey it's me again. I was a raging lunatic this morning after I opened the back door to find my mail and some cash laying there instead of him coming in the house to give it to me. I hadn't asked for it so the whole thing caught me off guard. It made me feel like I was insignificant and that he didn't respect me enough after an 11 year relationship to not skulk around. I knew it was too early to call since he works nights but I lost my mind. It just totally bent me with him not coming in and treating me like someone you leave your underwear hanging around one leg for a quick get away. I texted him and left messages for him to call me, each one more intense than the first and second and third. He was suppose to call me yesterday or today so we could "have lunch" and when he finally called me back about the back door incident he said it was because he didn't want to wake me up. Okay, fine, and when I asked why he couldn't wait until today since I assumed we were having lunch he told me he didn't have time for me today because of the customer appreciation day at work but he would call me tomorrow. That was punctuatuated with more of a ? than a . so I asked "so can I assume you won't be coming home anytime soon?" and he said "no, I need time". Well don't we both I was thinking. I wanted to reach through the phone and rip his throat out. Instead I gritted my teeth and gave it the performance of a lifetime to say. "I understand and I am okay with that." However I had to end that with what he will need to give me for his portion of the bills this month since the cash he left me wasn't going to cut what he owed. I really wanted to tell him to not let the door hit him on the way out when he picks up his stuff. I then completed my list of pros and cons in anger and fury but still tried to add the pros. I really truly can't see how this will ever work out. Then I think how selfish I am being by not just telling him we just need to call it done. I just don't know if that is loneliness and anger talking or if it is a logical head. I know that there will be a conversation in a couple of weeks and at this point, I think my part of the conversation will start with this is yours and this is mine, work out the finances and liabilities and be done with it. There is still a chance that he might see what I see while he is staying at his friends and want to come back but I don't know if I will want him to come back. Some of the reasoning for him may be financially and actually I will be okay financially, but he will have a rough time with a few things for awhile.
I typed all that because I have yet another question for you. Should I stew on this for a couple of weeks and make sure what part of my being is making the decision or should I just cut the ties now and not let him waste his time "reflecting"? WOW, I really feel like I suck right now. Can you please point me in the right direction?
MAKINGUPMAGIC -
Will definitely keep you posted. And I appreciate your time, thank you!....
And if it makes sense to you that he gave up the next night after he got upset that I was implying he was giving up the previous night, can you please just explain that to me? Why get upset over something that I said, and then go ahead and do it the next night?
Yes, makes sense. Keep me posted on what happens over the next few days.
MAKINGUPMAGIC -
In my letter to him (that I mailed this morning), in no way did I blame him. I simply kept it to the point, apologized, and told him that if it wasn't for him walking away, I would not have made this change that I now see how important it is. My letter should get to him by tomorrow or Thursday the latest...definitely waiting and praying.
I understand he reached his breaking point, however, the night before when we talked, he got upset when I asked if he wanted to break up (which I didn't mean). He said that meant that I was saying he didn't care and was giving up. Yet, the next night (Tuesday), he did just that. That is another point that confuses me....does this make any sense to you?
Heartbroken...It was pre-Magic Of Making Up days but yes, I made an unconditional apology. Maybe he is making a point but as I said above, this is too hard to figure out, especially not knowing him. Would love nothing better than to give you some hope but that would be unfair and I wouldn't do that falsely. This is definitely a waiting game.
MAKINGUPMAGIC -
Hello again...question for you - when you were in my situation, and you contacted your ex after a week, did you apologize to her or not?
And secondly, do you think him making no contact at all for one week now, is him trying to make a point?
thanks for your time before. i lost the desire to contact her again and i know now that i would never go back to her. still think about her all the time and i think i always will. had a crush for over 10 years, but i guess its time to try and move on. i do hope she contacts me soon just to know she really did love me, but i dont think ill ever hear from her again. i do think my life is better without her. thanks again.
MAKINGUPMAGIC -
Okay, got it. Thank you!!!
Heartbroken...I'm being honest when I say I don't know what he's thinking. And wouldn't worry too much about FB. Again, not sure. Let's just see what happens with the letter. Right now, his response will determine where it's going.
MAKINGUPMAGIC -
And fyi - on our FB pages...a few of my cousins and friends added him on their page. He hasn't deleted the pictures we have together on there. Do you think it's because he hasn't had time after a week or doesn't care whether they're up or not, or he doesn't want to be the one in front of my cousins/friends to say we broke up...or another reason?
MAKINGUPMAGIC -
Thank you. I'm happy that you found the woman of your dreams. I just hope I get this opportunity to try it once again with him. I truly love him and care for him, and I know he feels the same. And like I said, what I did wasn't something that one cannot forgive. No one is perfect. I continue to pray and am being positive in being with him...because HE is truly special to me. I'm assuming you contacted your ex by text/e-mail? .... I just hope him being distance and not contacting me is "normal"...? And I place my hope and wish in this letter...can you just lastly tell me why a guy who loves and cares for you suddenly becomes so cold out of frustration? I know you said in this situation it's hard to say what will happen, but what is he thinking?
Heartbroken...I made an effort to contact her after a week but it was a cold response so I guess the message was clear. I figured it wasn't meant to be and didn't want to get into any mind games. I still think about her occasionally and I guess that never goes away. The good news was, I met the woman of my dreams shortly after and it's been sheer bliss for the past five years. Funny how the universe works! Give it a little more time and see if the letter makes an impact. Analyzing it can make you feel better but in the end, he needs to come to the party for it to progress. It's funny, when love and break ups are concerned, there just doesn't seem to be any logic. I'm thinking there's someone more special for you around the corner and while you are dealing with the hurt right now, just stay positive and be ready for the right opportunity.
MAKINGUPMAGIC -
And also, since you were in a similar situation....it's not weird that he's ignored me for one week over me not being able to express my feelings right away? And instead, I hold it in and it explodes later...would you say it's normal?
MAKINGUPMAGIC -
And btw, in the similar situation that you were in, neither one of you made an effort to contact one another at any point???
MAKINGUPMAGIC -
Thank you again for your quick reply! He is aware how difficult it is for me. Yet he said that I kept saying it would get better, and it didn't. Yet, what he's failing to understand is that I've been this way for a long time, and after 4 months, shouldn't he have more patience? But THIS was definitely an eye-opener!!!
I've heard that if someone truly loves you and cares for you, they'll come back - no matter how angry and no matter what they've said saying it's over. True?
And I'm making the effort in contacting him (to a certain degree of which I mentioned), so that he knows I haven't given-up on him. And I'm hoping he has it in his heart to see that I am truly being sincere with my letter, and taking the time to hand-write it ....so he knows how important he is to me.....
I will then let it be....where the ball will be in his court. But with feelings/communicating, don't you think it's something not so big to ignore me like this (where ignoring itself takes effort, no?)? ....
And one more thing, if someone takes the time to write a letter, that is hand-written....wouldn't that be seen as someone truly making an effort? .....I'm confused with the fact that he's ignored me for a week, as if I did something horrible....but I guess everyone is different.
Kaulana...Yes, that is positive but keep it at a friend's level.
Heartbroken...See what happens after he reads the letter. This is a tough one to judge. I would like to say he will come back but am a realist. Was in a similar situation several years ago in your shoes. I also find it hard to express my feelings. I didn't have the Magic Of Making Up to work with then and in the end it was a game of pride the longer we didn't contact each other. The relationship never got back on track. I know that's not what you want to hear but you are still in there with a chance of a positive outcome. It could take several weeks if he misses you enough for him to contact you. Then again, the letter may do the trick. Hoping it works out and you find happiness.
Thanks, do I play hard to get too like how she's doing it? How do I reply when she texts and act when I get the kids? Yesterday she texted me an hour after I dropped off my kids and I didn't text back, 2 hours later she texted again. Must be a good sign right?! I kept the answers nice n short
Grand Floridian...yes, the book will definitely be a help. As I said before, this will take time and you need to be a friend to her right now. That doesn't mean contacting her at every opportunity but being there when she needs you. It's frustrating right now but there are wounds there that have taken their toll. Right now, be her friend.
Kaulana...Let it go for a few days and see if she misses you. I still think getting your own place would be a good start. It sounds like your almost there so maybe be a little "elusive" for a few days.
MAKINGUPMAGIC -
Thank you for your reply back, I GREATLY appreciate it! I am trying very hard to be patient. Since the last text I sent Saturday, I have made no further contact. However, I was told to write and send a HAND-WRITTEN letter apologizing...making no comment towards it being his fault. Because I want him to know how sincere I am.
You mentioned that it's hard to tell if he's serious...even though he said he's "done", "it's over", "no matter what I say it won't change anything", and "his heart isn't in it anymore"? ...do you think he's simply just frustrated/angry? Do you think there is a chance of him coming back?
And it's been one week exactly since he hasn't contacted me. How much longer do you think it will be with our situation? Because I did not cheat, did not lie, did not betray, or anything horrible that cannot be forgiven....I simply had a difficult time sharing my feelings, which I understand now how frustrating it is. And after mailing the hand-written apology, I do not plan on texting/e-mailing...nothing. And as I said, haven't done so since Saturday.
Lastly, he broke up with me over the phone. And I know he didn't want to face me because that would have made it more difficult to walk away. Do you think someone who was completely done would have simply been cold and just have ended it in person? And isn't it taking effort to ignore me? Makes me wonder if he's even thinking of me...yet, I do know for sure he loves me and cares for me....but doesn't feel like it right now.....
PLEASE HELP................what do you think now???
Why Why...good decision to get the book as it will give you a lot of insights. Read it over several times. Now, not sure why you did what you did. As I said before, not sure this is the man for you. Seems like he "wants his cake and wants to eat it too". My question, if he comes back to you what would stop him from dropping in on her occasionally?
I have bought the book, but still don't know what to do. I have this overwhelming desire of contacting him, asking him to come over again. But I am afraid that he's gonna say no, or he's probablly with the girl again. Or he would just say he's tired since he didn't have much sleep last night. Does he still love me? Is he still willing to spend time with me?
Will the book help me get her back though? increase the odds somewhat maybe?
Hi makingupmagic, thank you for your reply again. I agree that i need to continue moving on, because he is in love with the girl and ready to live a new life. However, he confused me with his words and actions. Last night, I called him at midnight and he said yes he's with her, but he came to my place in half an hour when I asked him too. He texted the girl lying that he's back in his parents' and going to sleep. We stayed together over night without sex--he tried to do it but I refused to. He didn't ask me to take him back this time. When I told him he still has the chance to come back to me if he choose to at this moment, he asked if I would be able to forgive him. I asked if he would be able to stop seeing the girl, he said no, he at least wants to be friends with her. He also said she loves him very very much. I told him if he chose to be with me right now, I would be happy, but I wouldn't be waiting around and if they don't work out later on, I won't take him back. I could be a choice, but not a backup. He didn't say anything. I guess he's really in love with her, and can't leave her at this point.
Yeah, that was the stupid thing I did last night, now i am feeling harder to forget him and move on. Will the book help me?
I downloaded the ebook, their were a lot of helpful tips but none of the situations relate to me because I have 2 young kids and see my babies mama every week. Were able to chat n get good vibes when we are around each other, I just don't know where to start from today, day 1. Could you help me on the approach or what to do? She has said she feels uncomfortable around me but she will text me daily random stuff(which I find odd) I'm not sure if I should just let her mind wonder and not answer her texts for a day or two..or should I offer her a sincere apology? Any insight would be very helpful to me...I just don't wanna lose her for good, I know we both care for each other n sometimes we joke around, I just think she's afraid of the commiment because she thinks her feelings will get hurt. It's hard to prove that I will never hurt her feelings if she won't give me a chance. Thanks
Kaulana... My initial thoughts are you need to show her you can support the family and be independent which means getting your own place. As much as it can save you money by living with either parents being in a closed space with others can lead to tensions and this could be something she's not comfortable with. Tough to draw conclusions here and not completely sure about this but the book will definitely give you plenty of leads.
Grand Floridian...Seen this a lot. The bubble has burst. People don't realize the long term effects cheating can have. Some handle it most don't. And the effects could be seen several years later. What you need to do is be a friend to her now. Help her out. Even help her to move. Show you care about her. She's angry right now and while you may not be part of her plans now you can make big inroads by agreeing with her decision and you'll do what you can to help. Not much more I can add and yes, the book will give you some strong insights.
Heartbroken... need to be patient here. Hard to tell if he's really serious about severing ties completely but you need to leave him alone for now as no coaxing or pleading will do any good. He has a "bee in his bonnet" which is ruling his head. Give him time to miss you and I'm not talking about a few days.
Hey, I'm almost certain I'm getting the book. But here's my situation...my gf of 3 years and mother of my 2 kids have been seperated for about 3 months now. She normally texts me everyday and we've had some long conversations while texting sometimes about sex or just about the girls. Some of the things she has said has been "I care about you a lot, believe me but this is best for now", "we should just be friends" "I'm not comfortable around you as much yet", "I don't have the feelings but I still care", " there's a lot of things that we need to change before we get back together"...I'm confused by this. Were usually on and off in the relationship and we've been staying at her parents house which I don't like as being a grown man. Mainly because of money but I recently got a federal job so I was planning on us moving out as a fam and eventually marriage. I never got that chance. After our last fight she told me she can't see herself with someone who leaves their fam after some stress(mainly because we stay at her house n I look like a douche because everyone in the house feels like they're coming down on me) so I go to my parents place. She says I won't hange. I did make a mistake and pleaded for her to take m back and that I'll change n we can work on this together. I know she still cares tho, She actually texted me as I'm wringing this. I really want to won her back.
What do I do now? It's hard to give her space because we have kids and need to Tay in contact w each other.
Want to get the book but want to know if it will help. Wife has been married to me for 2 years. Together for 6 years have one child. Lots of cheating on my part b4 we were married. None after we were married except for one texing incident where I was drunk. So nothing physical but I get the picture that it is still cheating. She was mad at first wanted a divorce but then backed off and said she would not divorce me just yet and would still try. We have been going to a marriage counselor for a month. counselor said we had made progress. She is now acting not like her usual self. Always wants to be gone. Easily blaming me for everything. Drinking and cursing which is not like her either. just recently our child acted out aggressively at daycare and hit another child. she was upset and blamed it on me unfortunately. im sure we were both at fault on that one. so she went over to this friend's house to vent and all of a sudden tells me she's done and wants a divorce. friend said she would help her get an apartment and a car and wife has virtually no money. looking at low income housing and wants to drag our son into that. telling our family and hers that she's done and wants a divorce. seems like a different person around this friend that is supposed to be helping her. the friend is obviously adding fuel to the fire by offering her a place to stay. wife thought she could stay there for a month now the friend is moving in 8 days. so wife has 8 days to now find another place to go with our son. has no vehicle either. i have texed and called her and done the classic things you should not do. stumbled upon magicofmakingup. Seems like it could really help our situation. Just two months ago we were really making progress. that's why I think it's still worth trying to save. not to mention that I think the friend is having a lot of influence on her. the weird thing is the friend is actually moving to go be with her husband. wife has called in from work already and is supposed to be trying to save up money for whatever she wants to do. talked to her a couple of days ago in person. we did not fight she said she still wanted a divorce but asked me to help with her money and rides from places and all that. obviously the best thing would be for her to come home and save her money the smart way and not rush into anything like she's doing. I do admit that the cheating has been all me and she's always stuck by me through that. She obviously reacted to the child behavior incident badly and the friend added fuel to the fire on tuesday. basically i i think she's not acting like herself but she's putting herself in a horrible position with our child leaving out of the blue. maybe we needed a separation b4 so i agree that might be needed. but b4 she only wanted to do seperation. now she says she's done. this situation sound fixable at all? is getting the book going to help me at all? i would really like to get back to where we were before the texing incident as we were actually very happy. will probably get the book being as i still love her very much despite her flaws. what do ya think? will the book help?
My boyfriend and I had been dating for 4 months, and we fell in love with one another. Yet, last Tuesday, he broke up with me. I have an issue where I cannot express when I'm upset when I am. Instead, I hold it all inside. And it bothered him and we discussed it several times that I should simply just tell him. I told him I was working on it, and I was. Yet, last Tuesday is when he lost patience I suppose. We had no other issues other than this. On Monday night, we were talking on the phone, it got heated and I asked if he wanted to break up (not meaning it of course). He got upset and told me never to ask that because it meant he didn't care and was giving up. Yet, the next night (Tuesday), is when he broke up with me. He said it's over, it's done, no matter what I say the answer is no, and his heart is no longer in it. Yet, I could hear the frustration and anger in his voice - very cold. I cried and pleaded, but he just kept saying "no, I'm sorry". I sent a few texts that night, and an e-mail Wednesday morning, but no reply. Then yesterday (Saturday), I sent a text thanking him for opening my eyes, and that I'm working on making a change. Yet, still no reply. Wonder if he even misses me? Will he come back? I'm deeply heart-broken...and I know he loves me and cares for me very much, which is something he would always tell me....please help....
I would be inclined to wait until you see him again. Let him know there is something extremely important you want to discuss. When you get together no blame game at all. No "I've been unfair and haven't really understood your feelings etc BUT..." Leave the but out. Truly hope it works out for you.
Thank you for taking your time for an insightful and thought out response. I sincerely appreciate you helping me figure this out. I have started to take your advise by writing down what I need to do for him and what I feel needs to change for me. I know that is a little horse before the cart and after typing that it makes me feel selfish. I will make the WHY and WHY NOT list tonight. My brain will not keep in a constant focus for me to do any logic thinking right now. I am tempted to give him the question to think about of "Is this relationship worth saving" before Wednesday so he can put his own thoughts together, but I don't know if that is the right thing to do. He won't take my calls because he wants his time to reflect and because of your book, I have not terror texted. I would hope that he has thought about that question and knows by Wednesday however I can't guarantee myself that is what he is actually thinking about. Any thoughts on me sending a text and if so what should it say? Or should I let this just happen when I see him again? Again, thank you for helping me.
Time After Time...Having read your post several times I keep coming back to the same conclusion...you both need to sit down and talk this out. You need to come clean about your feelings and he needs to do the same. The survival of your marriage hangs on it. You both need to be brutally honest with each other right from the start and decide if the marriage is worth saving and if the answer is yes, then what are you both going to do to make it work. Until you decide if it's worth persevering with then nothing will change. You both want to be happy again I'm sure and whether it's with each other or someone else, make an effort to get it out in the open.
This is a little different because my relationship has not ended but it is RIGHT THERE.
I have been in a relationship for 11 years with someone that has been my best friend for 21 years. At this very moment he is staying with a friend while my friend is in town. He decided this after yet another blow out. Before he left I told him he might want to extend his stay so he can decide if it is really me or his job that he wanted. He said he will talk to me in a week. I truly do not know what he is going to tell me, however this is really a two way street because if he didn't leave willingly, I was going to tell him to get out because of an ongoing lack of attention. I feel like an old holey shoe that no one wants. Him making the decision to go stay with a friend while my friend is in town may or may not be to my advantage.
After 2 days of anxiety and terror texting, I was googling "can love be rekindled" and your website came up. I had JUST saved a terror text in my draft folder when I listened to your video. The text basically read that there were two that needed to make a decision because this really may be the last chance to salvage whatever it is that we have left and that we should extend the time apart to a month to not make any hasty and stressed decisions. That text WAS NOT sent. In fact, it got deleted after I locked it. Maybe it was trying to tell me something.
Anyway, I bought your book and during the first chapter you described my irrational behavior to a T. We have split twice before in the beginning of our relationship over job issues and I always act like a spastic as described perfectly in your book. When I got to the part about Love and Hate are not opposites, it is indifference, my heart blew up. I don't know where I am at. I go back and forth with I want him and I just need to let it go because this situation will never change. David and I have drifted so far apart we no longer have a sex life. He works nights and I work days and we only have the weekend for each other. The ongoing fight has been him working on his days off which are the only days we have together for quality time and I feel unwanted. I actually told him that in one of my terror texts before I found your book. But after I read your book, I am definitely guilty of not taking care of his needs. He has told me on occasion, "You use to tell me I was beautiful." It's been years since I've done that. Years since I left him notes and sent him cards. Years since I've wanted to ravish him on a continuous basis. And again, my issue is when he started working nights 4 years ago. We agreed he needed to have Saturday and Sunday off because he comes home and I am leaving and he is gone when I get home. I get so pissed off when he chooses his job over me. I truly feel that way. I want to feel love again and not this constant anger. I want to appreciate how sweet and kind and giving he is and has always been towards me. Love isn't the issue on his end, it is on mine. I spend whatever time we have together wanting to kill him for working on his days off instead of spending them with me. He believes he is trying to line up a corp. climb. I believe he is lining himself up for disappointment and a lost relationship.
Okay, I will stop now and hit you with the ?. What do I do? Should I send the "give us 30 days apart text or let him talk to me in a week and hear what he has to say and I really truly believe he will leave me because he wants me to be happy. On the flip side of that, I don't know if a week apart is long enough for me. If I could be happy with him and have what we had, I would be willing to do whatever it took if it is POSSIBLE. I just don't know. Can you help me?
Flier...stick to your guns. It hurts now but it will pass. As I said before, she needs to sort out her issues first and remember, every time you cry you become stronger.
Hey Why Why...Here's the thing about a relationship for the long term, you have to make it work. Someone can't decide they want a shiny new toy to play with for awhile because they are confused. You're doing great girl...there is someone right for you in the future. Why put yourself through that pain again. I'd love to hear what others have to say as well but I think you need to move on or continue moving on.
ours was a long distance relationship and i havent seen her since nov. but we would txt and talk all the time. she said she suffers from manic depression and talks of suicide and rage. i love her so much and a few weeks ago she said we could be soulmates but when i freaked out over the ex she said it was my fault that she went to see him. that was the final straw for her. she also lied about being married when we dated. i am starting to think that she is the real problem, not me. still love her and want her back for some reason. i know she will never come back, but i hope she does. cant stop thinking about the last texts she sent, saying its over and shes done for good and shell change her number to get away from me. maybe shes running from her prior mistakes. what do u think? guess stick to NC and cry every night. thanks for listening.
hi makingupmagic, it's me again. I appreciate your response last time and have taken your suggestion to let go. I try very hard and I believe I am getting stronger. i think i am ready for a new life, even though I still miss my ex and sometimes still hope to have him back, but the heartache is getting less and less. Unfortunately, after 24 days of no contact, my ex texted me and phoned me couple times yesterday, emailed me to tell that he misses me and would like to see me. i called him back last night, (I know I shouldn't have called!!)and we talked for about 2 hours on the phone. I basically told him that I am happy now even without him around. He said he's now confused with what he wants, and the new relationship he's in right now just not realistic, the girl has two young children and a crazy ex husband,bla bla bla. He said he misses the time when we were together like a family, and how wonderful our sex life had been. He even asked if he could come over to my place, and if I could take him back. He said he was sorry that he told me last time i didn't have a chance, and that I actually do have a chance. I said I don't need a chance anymore, i just want to be by myself and be happy. He said he understands.
The point is, he is seeing the girl, spending weekends and having sex with her. He didn't mention anything like he will stop seeing her for me or whatsoever. I am quite sure if I ask him to choose whom to be with for the weekend, he would go with the girl. (of course i didn't ask)And, he dumped me for her 2 months ago without mercy. He told me he was so madly in love with her and had no choice but to leave me, putting me through tremendous pain that almost destroyed me. Now he's telling me he's confused! What does that mean? What should I do? Was he just testing me, trying to figure out if i still miss him?
Honestly I love him very much, but I don't think I can forgive him and rebuild a relationship with him, because he cheated on me, and dumped me like dropping a hat after being together for four years. he lied so many times that i can't trust him anymore. He even told me that they didn't have sex yet!! But when I asked him about details he could tell me a lot! Rediculous, i know. I just don't know why he's doing this, why he still lie to me when I accept the truth that they are together?
His parents called me today to tell me that he's cooling down with that girl and that they hoped we could get back together. I didn't know that to say. I do love him, as I said, and it's sad to accept the truth that he doesn't love me anymore and he's with another girl. But i don't think we can be together again. I know he loves her, in a crazy way that he has never loved me. And even now, he's still with her but not me. His actions speak louder than words, right? Is he just teasing me? Trying to see if he can have me as a FWB? If he truly love me or would like to be back with me, he would have do something to prove himself, right? But he didn't. Just couple phone calls and an email and a casual talk on the phone. He told me they will be together this weekend, and she bought a big house waiting for him to move over to her city, and she believes that love conquers everything...They are obviously still in love, and also planning for their future together. I have no confidence to get him back, or to make him fall in love with me again, and also feel insulted of being dumped, and also, I think i deserve a better one who would truly love me without lying or cheating. What should I do now? Please help me!!
I would leave her alone for now. Even if you don't contact her for a month that's not to say she won't contact you after that. as I mentioned above, looks like she needs to get rid of some past "demons" first.
Lohowng should I nc her? If I don't hear from her for a month, is that it for good? Thanks.
Thank you so much for your time and effort!
I'm not a kid and I know very well what I want from life.
When we started out, he wasn't totally broken up from his ex, and things got really messy.
We've been through so much under such a short period of time. When He finally decided I was the one, I let him down.
I cant let him go as I've waited for him and us for such a long time. The first year, we weren't really a couple, we dated, but it never got too serious.
When it did get serious, I wasted it becouse of my fear of loosing him again.
I've been doing some serious thinking and I regret so much... But I will wait and see if he comes back to me.
If he does, I promise to take care of him.
If he doesn't, I respect that, I really just want us both to be happy.
Thanks again.
Carla
Personally, I would wait and see if he starts to miss you. If he does then you can give him the apology if that's what you still want. But think hard about this Carla, be careful not to get stuck in a merry-go-round of constant break ups.
I would so want to resolve this issue.
Can I just ask you what you think I should do right now?
My entire being wants him back, and I have to trust MY instincts :-)
Should I apologize? Write him the unconditional letter?
When?
should I just wait and see if he misses me?
Carla...hmmm, my first instincts are you both need to move on. They're usually right. Three times is crazy in such a short space of time. My advice would be enjoy what you had and get on with life. You see, what's happened in your case that is so dangerous for a relationship is you've become insecure. I'm only basing this on what you described above by becoming controlling. Believe me, no matter how many times you get back together this will be an issue. Unless you can resolve this my feelings are this relationship isn't going anywhere. Hope you find happiness though.
I might add that we first broke it off after a huge fight, where he told me to leave the house to give him space. His best friends were visiting and he was kind of cocky. I left, but called him two days later, crying, doing the common mistake of asking him if I could come home. He said yes, come home, but I can't promise anything. We were intimate several times, and obviously those services was the only reason for inviting me back, as soon as we started talking the next morning, he told me what I wrote here above: he loved me but the feelings were gone, he just wanted to be alone, he didn't want me around right now.
He says there's no one else and that he just wants to get in touch with him self right now. That he's feeling bad due to the situation.
That's 3 days ago, I collected my stuff later that afternoon, and it's been dead silent ever sence.
It's his birthday tomorrow and I'm heartbroken that I'm not around to celebrate him!
My boyfriend broke up with me a couple of days ago.
We've dated for 1,5 years, and lived together for 6 months.
When we started dating, he had just come out of a very bad relationship, and he had a 2 months old son.
First year, we dated for six months, then he broke it off.
We didnt speak for 3 weeks, he went back to his ex, they tried to make it work but it didn't, he dated other girls, etc.
I've loved him sence day one and we've had a blast together although all of this - and I so wanted to make it work.
He came back to me, we started dating again and it lasted for another 6 months.
Just before christmas, he dumped me, telling me his feelings were gone. 3 weeks later, he came back - apologyzing for his behaviour, asking me to move in with him. This time, he was SURE what he felt - he loved me and felt something for me that he hadn't felt for anybody before.
I was very sceptical. I let him into my life again, bit by bit, I took care of his son and loved him like my own, I believed we would work and we moved in together.
I had a hard time trusting him after everything that had happened, and I got quite controlling - I was so afraid of loosing him! I got upset for the smallest things, pushing him away - and he told me over and over, stop this, otherwise, I will leave you.
I pushed him into a corner, probably to see if he was serious about me, or if he actually would leave me, again.
He did. Exactly six months after the make up, he left me.
I did change, but he was already "gone", as he said. He told me that somewhere he was hoping that we could make it work again, that he had a huge sexual attraction for me and that he loved me, but that the feelings were gone (don't know how it's possible to love someone if the feelings are gone, but hey, I'm a girl) - but for now, he just wanted to be alone, and as he felt right now, he couldnt see us getting back together.
I wasn't aware of my behaviour until I realised that my fear of loosing him, had pushed him so far away.
I love him with every heartbeat! It's like a nightmare - I want to come home, I want to shake him and tell him how wrong he is!
I packed all my things and took off - and haven't spoken to him sence. I'm hurt, I'm confused, I'm sad - I MISS him and I want him BACK!!! He's dumped me 3 times, every time after 6 months, and I really shouldn't speak to him again under different circumstances, but this time, I pushed HIM away in my fear of loosing him.
I've behaved quite badly and I really want to apologize - I know he can't handle that right now and I wont get in touch - question is, should I wait a month, and then send him the letter? Or should I just wait for him to contact me, no matter how long it takes? Is he long gone, are we hopeless together?
He's the man of my life and I want to go HOME!
you are right...he dumped me.but when he broke up,i came to know those things about him which he told me lie about them..and for the last time i abused him to broke my trust by speaking me lie..and he knows well that last time what i said to him..means he was wrong also...i said that i hurted him always by speaking rubishly in anger..but when ever i calm down..i always used to say him that donot take me things seriously when i am in anger.he knew well my nature..it was my nature that because of which he fell in love with him..then he was saying that?huh..but i think by telling me so many lies and speaking with him rudely by him when i talked to him for the last time ,was very bad.so i want him to apologize.i will continue my nc..if he comes back,then it is fine,otherwise i am still moving on in my life and trying to forget him.i just wanted to know that if he thinks that i was wrong,then i apologised so many times before him.but he was also wrong...,then why he cannot apologize?is there any hope of us being reunite again.????
Kelly...not sure how this will pan out...you say he dumped you but you want him to apologize first? I'm a little confused because can't recall this being part of the MOMUp strategy. There must have been a reason he broke up with you and I'm not sure if he will come running back.
Flier...sounds like she's got some issues over ex and hasn't got over it yet. Broken hearts are delicate to deal with and the next person who comes along is always judged on the previous partner. Seriously, maybe a good idea to let her find her feet. Be there as a friend perhaps.
i really love him..and i want him..and i did not broke my nc..n will not in the future..i simply did not respond just because i want him to fell needy for me and want him to apologize before me..because he dumped me first...so i did not respond the phone
but it was not me that i showed before him ..i showed him some other girl who wants to do friendship with him..i chatted him on cell phone and donot talked on phone..then how my nc can break.?according to him,i am still in no contact with him..then probably he can call me back ??
he calls me back just because he has feelings for me,then how these feelings can be changed like these things?
thanks for the reply. should i wait a month? she said im not the one for her and her gut told her not to trust me. shes been really depressed with her life decisions, and i was a bright spot until i got upset. she said a man she loved who was married and started to leave wife for her broke her heart 3 years ago and she couldnt love anyone like him. so after 2 years she told me this story and i went nuts. now shes so angry and said she doesnt care about me and to get on with life. do i wait a month and say im sorry or just let her go? she never gives ex loves another chance.
Kelly...again, not really sure as you tried the nc and he contacted you but you didn't respond. Pretending to be someone else is not going to work. It's you he has to want. Reason he contacted you would be because he either started missing you or simply curious to see how you were doing. To be honest, you may have missed your chance and it may be time to move on.
Flier...not sure as don't know what you mean by treated her badly. Right now, the last person she wants to hear from is you so definitely nc. See how time treats this and yes, the book can certainly help.
my ex left me few months back..i pursued him so much but he refused to come back..then i used no contact rule for 2 months..and i got his 2- 3 calls which i didn't respond.i also tried to talk to him from another number by behaving that i'm another girl that wants to do frndship with him..but he refused to do frnship with that girl,means me which i pretended some other unknown girl which likes him....and i chatted with him by showing myself differnrt girl.atlast wen i talked to him about his past ,he said he loved a girl which hurted him so much.now he donot want her back.he said.one side he called me last week after two months and also visited ma profile.and added sad stuff in his social networking site.he also hurted me so badly if he thinks i hurted him ..he spoke me lies..but i love him so much..and i want him to contact me.can his mind can change for me?and why he called me 2 weeks back after my 2 months of nc..and visited ma profile..and one side he said to another girl that there is no love feelings in his heart because he become hard hearted..i'm just confused..please help me
Ex left me yesterday. I was bad to her and caused her agony. She said never to contact her agaiin and that she doesn't care about me and to leave her alone. I tried to say sorry but she said texting her after she said not to is rude and harrassing. She said I'm not the one for her and to move on. I'm gonna nc her but does this sound like there's no point? Will the book help?
hello..
sir den it can also possible that he will neva cal me bak widout listening anythning from me 4 d last time?
it means i shud forget him...coz now i'm no more going 2 contact him...
Thanks. That's what I think I'm going to end up doing. I figured if I did it now it might come off as looking a tad desperate on my end, even though the intent was good.
Glad to hear you've deleted her phone number. Now is a time for simmering moods. No one thinks clearly right now and when you get two people in the same space on high emotion it's "duck for cover" time. I would give it at least another week. Who knows, in that time she may even contact you but let it go for several more days. Wish you well.
GF broke up with me a few days ago. Unfortunately did all the wrong things the 1st 2 days (text messages, emails.) They went back and fourth back I finally stopped writing her. Deleted her number form my phone so I wouldn't do anything stupid, etc.
We've had NC since Sunday night, I want to write the 2nd chance letter, but don't know if I should. Should I wait a few more days to let things kind of settle some more or should I just do it now? Or at all?
I have bought magic of making up, you can read my review here - http://magicofmakingupreview.org
hello..
sir den it can also possible that he will neva cal me bak widout listening anythning from me 4 d last time?
it means i shud forget him...coz now i'm no more going 2 contact him...
Steady Eddie...Long distance relationships are tough as I've mentioned here before. I made it work but it required commitment from both of us. Being apart for any length of time does strange things to human beings. Two people really need to be in love not just one so not sure if this will work out unless you two can sit down and commit to each other. And if he wants it as badly as you then you do need to be close to him.
Nicky...in all honesty, I cannot say whether he will call you back or not. Sounds like you guys have a few issues and the regular fighting needs to be nipped in the bud. Give it time and your best chance of hearing from him is the more time you are apart, the more he might miss you. It's funny how that happens so be patient because this may take a little time. Hoping things turn out well for you.
My bf ended things 2 weeks ago. We lived 400 miles apart but things were going well. I was going to move and had started applying for jobs. He hadn't been calling and sms as much and I was suspicious that he was feeling differently He picked a fight when I asked him what was wrong, telling me I was needy and my behavior was crazy. He then told me that he was having doubts about a long distance relationship and didn't want to be with me. We've had no contact since. Do you think there is any hope?
hello sir
i was in long distance relationship wid my bf from 1 yr.our relationship was v.beautiful.means i neva thought that i'm so far away from my love coz he remained always in contact wid me on fone thru sms or cals.n we can't say it was attraction for a few time.1 yr long distance relationship cant be like fake..isn't it sir..?lik my frns says now that ur ex did flirt wid me.bt i say for 1 yr?y he'll do flirt?n i was clear wid him dat i was neva been physical wid him..bt the problm arises wen d question of our meet comes?we meet 4 -5 times in 2 months.bt den our plan to meet always neva come 2 success.n dat was the point of fight i did always wid my bf on dis issue.last 2 months from our breakup was passed out in fights etc.bt i neva eva thought in my dreams even that my so loving partner can leave me lik dis?last tim i had a fight wid him.i didn't respond for 1 week.den wen i called me after waiting his call,he stopped pikin ma fone calls n didn't respond.i started madly calling him n tried my best 2 say sorry if i was wrong 2 him.den atlast he piked ma fone n said that he has no future wid me n so many hurtful things i can't imagine.den after our breakup i came to kno that he lied me about his studys dat he is doin mba bt he was doin sum other degree.n lil bit lies.den i text him n abused him so badly coz he broke my trust n i said him that u broke my trust n i hate him n den i said him gud bye..den after doin all that, i applied NC rule for 2 months.n it is unbelievable that he called me 3 4 days back for 2-3 times but i didn't pick.actualy sir i wana him 2 feel soory n i expected that he will call me again n agian.bt now 5 days have passed on.he didn't call me back.
SIR wiLL HE CALL ME BACK?
I SIMPLY DIDN'T PICKed d fone coz i want him back wid all his feelings n i wana make me sure that he truly wants me back coz last time he did unexpecd.will he call me sir n will want me back????i love him so much but now i dnt show it anymore 2 him n i'm totally disappeared frm his life..bt all d time my heart wants him...
Let me clarify. The whole thing kind of blindsided me when we broke up because it was over an arguement. Her reasoning was that we've gotten in a few too many for her liking so she just can't "keep the circle going". After taking a long hard look at myself the past couple of days while trying to figure this all out, she is right about us neededing to end.
Like I said above, my concern isn't whether or not I should bother to make an attempt. I want to. I do love this girl more than I think she understands, and I feel like she does have feelings about that still telling me "she'll miss me so much". I just keep getting mixed signals about what she may or may not want in the future everytime I think about it. I feel like on one hand she does miss me, but her comments pointing out that she's made her decision, and that she's never gotten back together with someone, and won't, kind of throw me for a loop a little bit. Heck, I'd believe she'd stick to that statement just out of pure stubborness.
It might come off sounding as if I don't want to try. Trust me I do. It's more of myself not believing she'll change her mind..
Thanks. Its just so hard to not know. I'll just assume the worst and find a new girl to make me happy. Even If it's just temporary so I can move on faster. Cause sitting at home worrying isn't going to help me at all. Thanks again
Aaron...the best thing you can do is move on. Forget it and put it behind you. Nothing will be achieved other than you being branded a hot head and being seen in a bad light by many. If you really want to earn plenty of respect in everyone's eyes completely moving on and enjoying yourself is the best course of action right now. I know it's hard but you have to fight the urge to want to know. Been there and I'm here to tell you it's not worth the grief. I'm sure others reading this page will have similar stories to tell.
Me again. After Finding out by multiple friends of hers that she "did something they could never do to someone they loved" at a party with a guy.. I confronted her. There was alot of language and yelling, denying she would ever do that and then we stopped talking. The situation I'm in right now is that I've gone to two of her friends that she told about that night, both of them got to the verge of telling me what exactly happened and who with and then they talked to her and once that happens they shut down and dont want to "betray her". She has also deleted me and my fam from facebook, blocked me so I can't see her page, and has been spreading crap about me to them making me receive hateful messages from her friends about how pathetic I am. Is it wrong to want to know if you wer cheated on and with who after a relationship of 1 year and 5 months? Everyone has been saying to let it go and move on, but in all honesty I don't know if I can until I find out the truth. I'm at a loss for words right now. I know I will find someone better, I just need this closure. And maybe the ability to send a final text to her letting her know I know she lied and what she did, then never talking to her again.
I agree with her now after taking a few days to just cool off. I believe from my standpoint that it could work, I truly do. It's more her I'm concerned/curious about. Like you said she seems to have a chip on her shoulder, and that's what is kind of making me nervous, and to be honest, somewhat apathetic about even trying.
I've decided to give it a few weeks and then see where I am at that point.
Thanks for the reply.
Did you agree with her at the time or just within your own mind? Sounds like you both have similar type personalities and I just worry when you say you don't know if it would ever work.
I would let it slide for a little while and let things simmer. I guess you both are in a situation where you would say things you regret. She could start to miss you again when the dust settles. It's also a worry when she says "I've never gotten back with someone, and I won't." Definitely has a "chip on her shoulders."
In the meantime, you need to figure out if there really is a future with her. It's her move but shouldn't stop you from enjoying yourself and staying positive meantime.
my girlfriend broke up with me a few days ago because we couldn't work out the fighting that occured every now and then.She admitted that we were both to blame, but she just couldn't continue the circle that we've been in. I understand why shes saying it and I do agree with it.
However I made the mistake of kind of fighting the break up when it was happening. I feel like a fool now. I also did send a few texts the next day just explaining a few things, to which she did reply, saying that her decision is final, even though she's going to "miss me so much."
Basically my biggest question, is since she said "I've never gotten back with someone, and I won't", should I even bother? Don't get me wrong I love her very much, and we work well together aside from the occasional fight. But she can also be pretty stubborn at times. I want to have her take me back eventually, but I don't kknow if it ever would work?
Any suggestions?
I know. I am an over analyzer. The man was at my house making plans with me for the weekend and 2 days later he has a new girlfriend and won't talk to me at all. Very odd behaviour. Did I mention he just turned 40? I so hope its part of the male menopause thingie lol.
Honestly, I think he is just embarrassed and ashamed. It's tough telling someone you want to break up; it's tougher telling them there is someone else in the picture whether you're male or female. Not fully knowing you're situation or you and him I'm just surmizing. I guess my question then would be...do you really want to resume a relationship with someone that doesn't return your messages? This isn't unusual and I suspect it's for the reasons above. He will find it embarrassing to face you right now. Not making excuses for him but do you feel he's good enough for you with what's just happened?
You need to let some water flow under the bridge and as I said above, if this is just a passing phase he will begin to miss you. If not, this is just a small blip on your life radar and it will pass.
....do men even read their emails when its from someone they broke up with?
Just one more question, in your opinion do you think it's odd for him to completely ignore me after 6 yrs of talking to me every day? That is what is bothering me the most. I let a week go by hoping he'd call and he didn't and I didn't bother him either. After a week I emailed him...no reply. That is so out of character for him and has me totally confused.
Is There Hope...there is really no answer on how long is too long. The problem is, he has someone else in his life for however long...whether it's short term or long term no one but him can say. If it's just a passing phase and he starts to miss you, then he'll realize what a mistake he's made. But until he does that, no forcing the issue is going to do any good. I understand it hurts at the moment but it passes. You'll come out of it a wiser and better person.
Thank you for your response. Your answer is kinda what I expected, and I am now very certain about what to do. I really appreciate that you made it clear for me.
I know I'll survive, and I will be happy again.
I appreciate you responding so fast. Having someone help me understand this, really helps. You think there is hope even though another woman is in the picture? Even though he told me there was no hope? No response from him is very very unusual. We spoke every day for 6 yrs. Now absolutely nothing. At least he knows how I feel and if he doesn't reply that could be a good sign. How long is too long to wait on something from him? I seriously can't eat can't sleep can't concentrate at work...plz tell me this will eventually go away.
There's always hope and I think what you need to do is leave it for awhile. Trying to get an answer from him as much as it hurts not to will only confirm in his own mind he made the right decision. This is a delicate situation. By leaving him alone it may give him time to actually miss you again. Really feel for you but have seen these situations turn around lots of times.
I have been with this man for 6 years. It's been rocky with a couple of breakups but I truly do love him. Our problems always stems me working more hours than he does, which leaves him with a lot of time to pursue his hobbies. Long story short I moved out and got my own place because I wanted to show him I could stand on my own two feet and be financially stable to put to rest his idea that I was mooching off of him. He says he feels like I was using him until I got financially stable enough then left him. I was still seeing him, going over to his house, etc. Why continue to see him if I was using him? If that were the case I would've broke up with him the day I moved out. Everything was going fine I thought. I work second shift which leaves very little time for any kind of a social life but it was working since he is the only social life I had. 2 weeks ago he came over to my house, asked me if I wanted to do something the following weekend etc. Weekend came and I called him to tell him I was on my way over, when he informed me that he had made other plans. I over-reacted. Couple of days went by without hearing from him so I had a feeling something was up. I find out that he is "sorta" seeing someone. Omg. Long story short...I have tried talking to him and basically what I got from him was we are over and there is no hope for us. Tells me my heart will love again but this time with someone who can make me happy. Since that bombshell, I have sent him a couple of emails to which no reply. I ran into his sister yesterday and she told me she heard about the new girlfriend which means he is telling his family. What do I do? Is there really no hope? Why can't he at least reply to me? Did I mean nothing after 6 years? I am deeply heartbroken.
Why Why...seriously, this is a classic case of letting go. The Magic Of Making Up covers this and it will help you. I have advised people in the past in this situation when the other half has moved on to try something like the "burning bowl ceremony." All you do is write down the things you remember about your time together, both bad and good...do good first then bad which of course will include his running off with someone else. Writing stuff out is good. Then simply find a safe place and burn it. It's kind of like releasing the past. Then write down what you want in a partner and believe he will come into your life.
Some swear by this as a way of releasing the past which you need to do to move on. I really hope you find true love. Just give it time. Sounds like he didn't deserve you anyway.
I am considering buying this book but also feel hopeless. My bf broke up with me a month ago for another woman that he said he loved so much that nobody could stop them being together. He said sorry to me and it was unfortunate becasue he still cared about me and he wished me happy. We had been together for 4 years and lived a very happy life, only had small fights 2 or 3 times in 4 years. I was shocked when he first told me that he was in love with his this old classmate and he couldn't control the fire/passion burning in him. I cried, begged, argued, called many many times even when he didn't answered and sometimes at midnight when I couldn't sleep. I begged him to come over and sometimes he did, and he said he still cared about me and hoped to help me get it over and to see me being happy. He also said we could still be friends but every time I asked him he responded to me firmly that he loved her and wanted to be with her. She is now getting divorced with her busband to be with him. I know that nobody is able to stop him being together with her, but still miss him and hope he would come back to me someday. At the very beginning he always said he was not leaving me and he just wanted to be friend with her, but when I caught them meeting and asked him to make a choice between me and her, he told me he couldn't stop seeing her, and that he was madly in love with her. I know the only thing for me to do right now is trying to let go, but I can't help picturing this hopeless hope that he might come back someday if they can't work out. I haven't contacted him for about 2 weeks, and am now on a vacation instead of staying home thinking about him. However, i sometimes still get sad and dersperate about losing him. If i could get him back, I would not hesitate doing anything.
Ha ha, yes. I've noticed my situation is unusual. Although we've been broked up for about two and a half months, I only just started up the no-contact rule when she went from friends to dating with someone else. Unfortunately for me as applied to the rule, it took only about two and a half days for her to contact me on her own, which I can't outright ignore. Either way the no-contact rule is going to be difficult for me to maintain completely. I'll keep you all posted!
Failmate...don't know what to say...honestly. You are moving in together which has always got to be positive. In fact, yours would be a first for magic of making up fans. I am honestly not sure how to advise you here. Keeping distance is key during the initial break up phase with this system yet you are going to be living under the same roof.
I would love to know how T "Dub" Jackson would handle this. Please let us know if you get a response from him. I'm curious and I bet so are many of the readers here.
Hey! I was in a relationship with someone for 1.5 years, until she went up to visit a friend (to get away from an abusive household). I was depressed during this time and nothing she did allowed me to be completely satisfied. She began contacting me less and less until she told me one day that while she did love me, she was no longer IN LOVE with me. I did the usual horrible begging and asking for a second chance and predictably she avoided me. Now she is dating someone else, which sent me into another wave of desperation and depression. For awhile before this time she claimed to have feelings for both of us, and was trying to "choose" who to be with. The kicker is that we're moving in together anyway, which she wants to do because we're "friends." When she stated that she was dating this other person, she also seemed hesitant and afraid of "losing me." I am thinking about sending the magic letter because up until now I have not been accepting of the break up (not to mention we have been long distance up until now). Any advice or comments?
-Thanks
My husband said he's had enough 4 days ago. Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, suicidal. I was on the net 24 hours a day seeking advice, etc. Being thru hundreds of sites, products, etc. I can honestly say that this is the book that gives the most sensible advice. It gives hope - even when there seems to be none, it doesn't hurt to try. And more importantly, it gives comfort, not guarantees.
Thanks for the super quick reply!
Yes, I definitely gotta wait.
Thanks so much for your advice and book it really helps. I'm still kind of confused on his point but I guess it really is all waiting. I kind of wish I could just talk to him again but it feels awkward still and the week before we broke up he said it felt like I was "pushing" him...I'm really scared that I pushed him too far away when he was emotional and came to me and now he doesn't even want to talk to me. I just remembered well I think all that accumulated slightly (although somehow tolerable) but the real burst is when he ended up going to same school with me for summer and the stress totally overwhelmed him. (I still feel unsure though what he really feels I wish I know) I really need to give him his space and really hope we can fix it and move on to a better future down a better path.
I have one more question though. A couple days ago he said he did miss me and he misses everything and I think I got a bit too harsh on him (not blaming him but I mean talked about too much of "us") and now he won't talk although it's been about 36 hrs. Is it too late? He said "my time will come" for having fun. I'm excited and confused and I just want to bring him out of his corner although I know I shouldn't. And I didn't blame him but he said he didn't want to talk because there was nothing to talk about (last night). Should I stop talking to him online for awhile or talk one more time to keep him interested?
Thanks so much!
He seems like he's made up his mind going on what you're saying. This seems like it might be a definite time thing and waiting to see if and when he starts to miss you. That's the key. Send the letter but no begging for him to come back. Maybe indicate you definitely understand the decision he made without putting any blame in his direction.
Just think this is a classic case of time being the healer and when he starts to miss you that's when he will be receptive to hearing from you again.
Hi, I just got the book but I still have some questions...
X and I have been together for 13 months and most of the relationship was great. Overcame "life problems" and enjoyed life together. The only problem we had was the stress (from school and work 16 hrs a day) which resulted in no time whatsoever. The thing is though, in a month it'll be all done, but I'm not sure if it's too late because I'm quite dull now. But regardless whenever somehow we both got the time, we have the best time of our lives. It's been getting better until he stopped putting effort in (I know I have been putting in as much effort as I can but just not the time with him not like i had a choice). But somehow it worked although it put too much strain. My term is almost over. Also X and I know each others flaws better than anyone and I know he is often blind to his own emotions and what he has (by the way he is a bit younger than me but more mature in parts I lack). I know he is trying to have his own way in life and worrying about me and stress on him is taking toll of his health. He used to stay up all night to wait for me just to talk for a bit. Well I know he doesn't have to do that to show his commitment then, but I was tired too and appericated it but it really took too much on him (although i know i should have showed my apperication in a variety of ways). And now he says he doesn't want to care for me like that anymore and he says I put too much into the relationship (I went out of my way and he claims too much just to take care of him). Part of the reason why he left me was because we both know I have to get myself back on my feet and sort myself out and get out in the world. And he wants to find his way in life and grow up. Ironically when we first met he was the more mature in general but now he sees he has lots to learn too. We both know our relationship is unresolved and it doesn't feel it's done through. I'm confused, because he says it was a great experience and relationship, but he says we should go our own way in life. And after I broke down a bit (I wish I read your book before) he confessed that he did have a "few feelings left" but he told me "it should pass with time." He hasn't talked to me since except once and it was clear he didn't want to make an effort to talk or want me around. (It's been only a week since the breakup. I'm going write and send him the letter next week. Should I try to clear things up briefly in the letter? (Like we don't NEED to be together, but because we WANTED to? his parents are divorced since he was 4 so i think he might be confused about that) Help?!
Aaron...sounds like she's pretty confused at the moment and I think the best thing you can do is actually let her be for a little while. Trying to be over-protective may not be a good idea right now as it could further alienate her from you. Maybe she needs to find out what the big wide world has to offer. Get the feeling she's trying to decide whether she wants the freedom of being single or the comfort of a relationship and really, while she's in this frame of mind there's not much you can really do. That's just my opinion without knowing the both of you.
Really hope you have a happy ending.
Also, she mentioned how she did want a future with me, and would love it if it worked out someday for us cause she loves me and my fam. But she also said she didnt want to promise me anything and didnt want me waiting like she is stringing me along. But Im not the type to let someone I love experiment with other guys just to appreciate me more. Im too much of a romantic for that and it would hurt too much.
Im considering getting the book but I need to know If I have a chance first. I broke up with my g/f this past sunday only because we were on a one week break and I heard she was going to break up with me. I found out that on that break she had gotten drunk at 3 parties and went to the movies with her friend and a guy we had recently fought about that messaged her. She always says I just think we are too diff, but the things she uses as examples are ways she used to be. She used to not want to have a seperate life and not want to party. We were together for 1 year and 5 months and I am taking this harder than anything ive ever dealt with. We planned a future together and it seems as if in the last month or two she has lost feelings even tho she says she still loves me. We fought, and hugged and cried that night saying goodbye. But I cant stand the thought of her meeting another jerk when I treat her so perfect. Her mom and sis and everyone I know thinks she is stupid for throwing this away and not realizing what she is doing. I just dont know if i cant trust her anymore, plus I dont know if she even misses me. She cried alot and apologized but I feel that Im taking it much harder. We havent talked since even tho she is my best friend and told me I could text If i needed to. What should I do? Got the month without talking and risk her completely moving on and maybe getting hurt by someone at a party or meeting someone? help please : /
Veronica... this is a tough road back. Getting trust back when it's been broken once is hard enough but after several times, well...
You need to make an unconditional apology, preferably face-to-face. It must be totally unconditional. If he takes you back here's what you need to remember. The trust factor won't return immediately. It will take a long time. The chances are good that whenever you're apart he'll have suspicions. His mind will be churning over. Get ready for sarcastic accusations. This is part and parcel of getting trust back. It's going to take a long time but can be achieved. You need to play your part.
My ex and I've been dating for almost 11 months. He broke up with me because I screwed up a lot before in our relationship. He was my first boyfriend and I had no intelect in that area. He's lost his trust for me even tho I've changed into a more understanding, loving person. He's afraid that I might hurt him again in the future. He vents to his friend about how much he misses and loves me. Please e-mail me and help me get my sweetheart back. He broke up with me two days ago so I'm guessing I have time to get him back. My e-mail is ineracool@hotmail.com and I can really use your help. How can I get his trust back!?
sir i'm in no contact wid my bf from more than 4 weeks..i want him to initiate contact..is it fine wid me ?coz i dnt want 2 initiate cntct coz he left him n i wanted him 2 cum back himself n feel sorry..can he cum bak?
Thank you for the advice.
I am definately sure that he will not make such a decision to break up with me if he didn't meet this girl.
As we have decide that I will be going home to be with him after my study which is in one year times.
He love me too, I can feel it and he promise to keep this relationship no matter what happen. I don't want to hurt the girl but if I could do something to save this relationship.
I hope there is still hope for me to save this relationship.
Honestly, I'm a little worried about this guy's commitment. A long distance relationship takes work and takes two people to be totally committed. I went through it for 18 months and we lived over 17,000 miles apart. We made it work. Unless he has a change of mind and wants to commit then it's worth pursuing it but he seems like he wants his cake and wants to eat it too.
Would be better to send the letter to a fixed address but if he hasn't got one then email should be fine although there's never any guarantee he'll read it.
In six months when he comes back, is he going to dump the other girl and come back to you? Would that make you comfortable? What if he decides to go somewhere else again for a period of time? You could be back in the same situation again.
Please accept the above as constructive questions and suggestions. If he was close then yes, you would have a good chance but being so far away, I feel he has other motives. Personally, I think there's someone special out there for you. Just be careful not to fall into the trap of being the one that's there for him when he needs you to be. You're much better than that.
I really hope you find true love. You deserve it.
Hi
My bf has just broke up with me two weeks ago. We have been together for 2 years now and he was a loving and caring person while we were together. Now he is back to his country for six months (which we still keep in touch even though is long distance) and one day he suddenly wanted to break up as he meet this girl whom he fall in love 10 years ago. He never confess his love for her 10 years ago and now he doesn't want to let this chanced goes by when they accidently meet recently. He wanted to be with her. I was told that she was a divorcee and her ex-husband is bothering her. My bf feel bad about her unhappiness for the past 10 years and wanted to be with her.
I wanted to write the Magic Letter but he doesn't have a fix address that I can post it to him. Will it be alright for me to send it by email. I have not keeping in touch with him since break up. As it have been 2 weeks now, is it too late to send the letter.
I hope that he would be able to give us another chance to be together. Although he is seeing this girl now but I love him too much and it is so difficult let him go.
I have purchase the ebook recently, I have read through and found it very useful. But as for long distance relationship how would I apply to make a date with him. And furthermore he is staying with the girl at the moment.
Can your book will help me in getting my bf in my long distance relationship? What are the chances that my bf will come back to me.
I need advice.
She's pretty upset now so give her some time and space. Might even pay for you to tell her that she's right etc. etc. and an unconditional apology should be on the cards. The Magic Of Making Up is ideal for this type of situation. Hope it works out for you as you seem really sincere about this girl.
Went with another women during a year tht we were apart n 2 years later ex found out and finished with me, alot ov other problems because I started m own business and was sometimes working 16 hours a day and had no time for
my woman. Really need help because I love this girl and hate the fact that I've never given it a real go an it seems like it's 4 years down the drain. She will not speak to me
and says she absolutely hates me and wants nothing to do wiv me!!!
Wow, great and comprehensive article you have written.
Ashley...wow, two months and still no positive signs. Maybe try not contacting him. If he contacts you you may want to give him the indication you can't talk right now as you're about to go out or something like that. While you're still contacting him you are not giving him time to miss you.
I'm thinking about getting the book but don't know if it would be
worth it in my situation anymore, my ex broke up with me two months ago because he loved me but wasn't in love with me anymore Everytime I contact him he tells me he doesn't know what the future holds and that this isn't good bye but just see you later and that we have to get over this and through it.We currently don't live in the same town and I just need some advice if there is still some hope and I should get the book?
Thanks for the advice.
Guess what im hung up on is if there's a point or not to try to tell him I still want to be together when he initiated the break and he hasnt contacted me. These seem like red flags to leave it alone, but I have the overwhelming urge to be with him again.
When he asked for a break I responded saying I agree. I said I cant look at it like just a break, I have to call it a break up and try to move on, otherwise I will be waiting for him. He said to do what I need to do, but to remember "he sees it very differently than I do". This last thing he said has got me holding on to something...i dont know why he see's it differently, yet he hasnt tried to contact me in 2 weeks.
I think the book will definitely help. Sounds like you haven't had the blazing break up and it might well be you leave him alone for now. If he misses you he will contact you and for a man, you always feel like you are an underachiever and it seems it's something he wants to correct. But this time away will either make him miss you or it may not. It's hard to tell.
Thinking of getting the ebook, but dont know if my situation can be helped.
My bf of 1.5 years asked for a break 2 weeks ago. I think it was something he was unhappy with in our rela. but he claims it was because he needs to focus on himself, get a job, and move out of his parents house (he's in his 30's). I know he's been depressed for some time, and I kind of felt like this was coming.
I have resisted any contact from him since the breakup, but I would really like to be with him.
He hasnt made any attempt to contact me either, so I dont know if I should leave him be or ask for another chance. I really want to be with him, but am afraid of pushing him further away.
i'm in no contact wid him from more than 4 weeks..i want him to initiate contact..is it fine wid me ?coz i dnt want 2 initiate cntct coz he left him n i wanted him 2 cum back himself n feel sorry
yeah sir..i'm ready 2 leave ma place 4 him..n i can adjust wid him anywhr....
out of control...I guess the good news is she just wants a separation and not a divorce. Don't think you can do anything to spark interest quicker. She needs the time to miss you again. This looks like a situation of using the unconditional apology which is included with the book as a separate section. To get the other downloads, you'll have to send their support section an email. Know it's a tough situation but read the book as it will help out. Hope it works out for you.
Nik...the relationship can't stay long distance forever if you want a life together. So in other words, someone needs to take the initiative and make the move to where the others at. Now I don't know your situation and if that's possible but this is where big decisions have to be made. Are either of you willing to give up where you live, your current surroundings, job etc.? That's why it needs to be a joint decision.
I have bought the book but not have time to read it yet. Here is my situation. Been married for almost two decades. I made a mistake in the marriage and now she wants a separation but not a divorce. She has said don't get your hopes up because it is over. I have only a few weeks left before I deploy overseas for a long period of time. We have kids and they will be with her until I return, then I am supposed to go.
I have tried to give her space as she asked but it is hard when you still live together and have kids. I will try to read some of the book tonight. Do you think I still have a shot in turning this around? What can I do to spark interest quicker? I need to have some type of assurance before I deploy that this is going to workout and that the distance will not work against me. I am afraid that she may have somebody already on deck standing by waiting for me to exit the pattern if you know what I mean. Please help.
Oh I downloaded the Magic book but my session timed out before I could download any of the others. How do I get the other books without having to pay the price again?
u said"you both need to make a commitment that at some stage in the future, one of you is going to decide to join the other. In other words, it can't really go on forever"
wat does it means sir?
our relationship cant go on forever or sumthing else?
thnx
thnx:)
i will
Long distance relationships are tricky...I did it and it worked out great but you need patience and you both need to make a commitment that at some stage in the future, one of you is going to decide to join the other. In other words, it can't really go on forever. Sounds like you are getting edgy at being away for so long. Someone needs to make the commitment. Yes, the book can help you.
HII
my relationship has ended now ...my bf was so loving n caring for me.we were having a 1 year long distance relationship.bt from last 2 months,v wer having fights.u can say i argued always wid him on d topic of meeting of us.i'm in long distance relationship.nd v both r student.weneva we wer having serious fights,it was on dis topic always.n i spoke so rubishly always wid him.now i hav lost his possessiveness n sweet relationship from his side.he was not ready 2 talk 2 me.den i persued him so badly.den he replied me after 1 month..means he was normal.den again i argued wid him on dis topic of meet..he simply said i acnt coz of his xams..i thought dat he is ignoring me 2 meet...so i said gudbye 2 him on 11th may,2010.he was so loving,caring.but now he is behaving like dat..but he lied me one thing also about his profession..so i abused him last tim...pls help me..n suggest me...y he did so?
i dnt know he did flirt wid me or his luv was true...bt wat ever he did..means our relationship was so gud...
now i'm in no contact wid him.how to again get dat sweet relationship wid him?he was so loving 2 me...can i ever get him back?will he ever cum back 2 me??
can ur book will help me in getting my ex in my long distance relationship?
My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me 5 weeks ago i was and still am heartbroken. he said he still loves me but 'like a member of his family' :( i didnt contact him even though he said he still wants to be friends and he text me the other day. we are meeting up in 4 days, i have read the book and everything but i know he still wants to meet as friends whereas i desperatly want him back, im very loud and confidant person and i dont know whether to act a bit quieter around him and not talk so much, do i stand a chance? what do i say to him? please help...
The guide will definitely help you. Yours is the ideal situation. Meantime, don't call her and give her the space. You need to give her time to miss you again. If she calls you you can't talk long as your meeting up with friends. You need to sound like you're moving on in a sense. But above all, you've got to stop the desperation stuff because it's unattractive and is driving a bigger wedge between you both.
Hi i am thinking of getting this book, does anyone think it will work based on what has happened me......
My gf of a year called me on sat to dump me after she had been away for 10 weeks due to work and when we rarely got txting/talking to eachother. At times during this period she told me she missed me, then telling me she doesnt know what she wants, then she loves me, calling me babe etc, then not knowing again. She arrived back on fri nite, and i rang sat afternoon to see when we could meet as i wanted to talk and find out where i stood. She shouted at me and said she doesnt know and cant answer it, then hung up and she rang back and said it was finished. Of course i was shocked and upset and said exactly all the things i shouldnt, crying, i need you, ill do anything, give us a chance as we havent even seen eachother etc. But she stood firm. She said she loves me but not enough and she wants space.
I asked when we could see eachother and she said that it wouldnt be the weekend, but that we will sometime as we have stuff to sort out.
On Sunday nite she texted to see if I was ok, i said id been better. She apologised. I asked for another chance again and she said no again, and that she does love me but needs to be alone. I tired texting on monday just to see how work was going but no reply. I have already decided now that I am not going to contact her, not for a while anyway.
She is really quite headstrong and normally no means no. That is why I am wondering if this guide can help me! Anyone?
Kawaii Princess...Yes, it's definitely a good idea to let him know you're ok. If you tell him otherwise and constantly contact him and tell him you miss him then you are coming over as desperate and to a guy, it is unattractive behavior.
Oliver...not sure what to say here. Definitely grab the book as the clean slate method might be the answer here. The thing is, both of you have left each other it seems. No one is contacting anyone. You need to sit down and work out what caused the split...your behavior/her behavior and if you really want her back and you were at fault then the unconditional apology may be needed.
i really thinking about purchasing this ebook but i want to know if this book will work for my situation.You see, me and my ex were engaged at one point and since i was in the air force we left florida for texas. she gave up everything in florida to be with me in texas. things were going great but then it took a down turn. we started arguing frequently and we even meet with a relationship counselor once. well one night we had a big argument and she left our house. its been a over a month now and we have not contacted eachother. she moved all her stuff and gave back the car i got her. she's appeared to have moved on. in all honesty, will this book help my situation after a bad breakup?
what will I do? he broke up with me last week and yeah.. i'm guilty about tetxting him often.. but i decided to stop texting him now.. I told him yesterday that I feel okey (even if I don't).. is it a good idea? that I told him I'm okey??
Probably going to move this up the priority list I think. I really hope it works out well for you and if not, you find true love in the not too distant future.
Also I would be very intrigued to read your story, I need hope haha!
Ah wow, quite impressive. But yeah not quite as drastic just two hours away on the train, we were together for two years. This month is going slowly, I miss her a lot and just want to get the ball rolling. But yeah, thanks for the suggestion, i felt a letter wouldn't be right now either.
The book will definitely expand on what you've done so far.Not sure about the letter now. I'm thinking more of a face to face meeting where you make an unconditional apology perhaps.
I went the long distance route five years ago and am now happily married. We lived 17,000 miles apart for 18 months as I waited for my papers to come through and moved to the USA. I imagine your situation isn't as drastic. Thinking it's time to do a report on what we did to make it work and share it with everyone.
Hi, me and my ex decided to do NC about 3 weeks ago as she wants to "get over me". I'm waiting til the month has passed to start the process of hopefully winning her back, but I haven't sent the letter as I have only recently stumbled across the book. Should I still send the letter? Also do the tips in the book cover long distance relationships too? As I see some of the tips would perhaps need bending for such a relationship?
Thank-you for your help, I will give that a go.
I'd wait till after Wednesday. In your situation, you have taken the initiative by recognizing your faults and it could be a case of the opportunity for the apology presenting itself before the letter. In other words, if he shows a little emotion on Wednesday and is really missing you then it could be time to lay down the apology. You're break up doesn't seem as harsh as most from reading your comments and a strong bond is present.
OK, but do I wait until after Wednesday when I go to talk about the house, or should I send it now? If I do it now the end part isn't going to make much sense because he will just ask me about it on Wednesday.
And when do I do the clean slate apology? I think it is really important that he knows I am taking ownership for some of the rifts in our relationship.
I would go with the second chance letter firstly. Obviously giving him space is giving him enough time to miss you which he seems to be doing. Looks like you are on track. I hope it really works out for you.
I am just wanting some help with the timing of some elements of the system. My partner of 18 months broke up with me last Monday and at first I did do a lot of unattractive things that made me look desperate and needy. We lived together in a rented property and this brings with it a lot of issues about who is going to live there or if we are going to break the lease entirely, and in any case moving our belongings. I have been trying to give him distance and only contacting him when needed to give him notice that I am coming around to get some things. Today when I went there briefly to use my printer, I went to leave and he asked why I was leaving so soon, which I found odd, but after reading this ebook, perhaps giving him space is already working a little bit even without strict NC.
Anyway, in relation to the timing of the 2nd chance letter and the clean slate apology, I know that I should send the letter ASAP as it has almost been a week now. However, should I do the clean slate apology at the same time? I am going around there on Wednesday to have a discussion about the rental property and moving house (we agreed to put this off until after my exam on Monday), should I wait until after that to send the second chance letter and do the apology at that meeting? Or should the apology be after the month of no contact? (which I plan to start after Wednesday when we talk about the house)
I know in my heart that this man is the one for me and that bad timing and some of my own errors have led to this breakup. I am committed to living by this plan and doing my best to see reconciliation down the track. Please help me get this right!
No, don't completely ignore them...just don't throw yourself at their feet and look really desperate. As I mentioned above, appearing busy or giving a sense of urgency where you need to be somewhere is what you can do. Just avoid being drawn into a long conversation because if you do, then bad habits will creep in.
That is a question I have as well. If your ex contacts you during the no contact month.. do you completely ignore them, take time and then respond, OR tell them that you need space? I know for me, ignoring my ex if he texts or email's me would come off completely rude as I'm always looking at my phone and email for work. Any thoughts?
It might be a good idea then to limit your answers on her texts. Let it go for a couple of days. Or, keep your answers short and make it seem like you are busy or that you are out with friends. Keep your answers vague at best.
Yes a have it.. I know it says no contact for 30 days, but I'm really not sure what to do if she is contacting me... she says she still loves me, but as a friend. She isn't IN love with me. I'm a bit confused
If she doesn't love you anymore then it's strange for her to be texting you each day. Do you have The Magic Of Making Up?
First of all, thank you for your quick answer... She texts me daily, and i answer her texts... Should I stop doing this? Give her a chance to miss me?
Firstly you say she wasn't in love with you anymore and then she says she still loves you. I can see where you might be a little confused and frustrated and this should give you hope. Leave her alone and give her a chance to miss you again. Let her do the contacting.
My girlfriend of two years left me a week ago because she "wasn't in love with me anymore". She said she still loves me, and still wants to be good friends right after we broke up and I agreed. Do i still have a chance? How can I make her fall back in love with me?
Might be a good idea to wait until the NC phase is over now. In person is obviously the best way to make the apology as the appearance of a sincere apology is just as powerful as the spoken one. If they can see the sincerity in you as well as hear it that's pretty potent.
Thanks for responding! It makes sense to do it earlier. Although I'm in my NC phase. Do I break that to make an apology or wait until I feel NC is done. Also does it have to be in person or can the apology on the phone or letter?
In my case, I made the apology within the first couple of weeks totally unconditional. Not sure there is a set timeline although you may want to consider doing it earlier. Remember though, it needs to be unconditional and keep the word "but" out of it. Just an apology and nothing else. Hope it works out for the best with you Healing.
I have purchased the ebook and I'm in the process of NC at the moment. Each day gets a little better although I am still deeply in love with my ex. I will continue to wait until I am fully ok before initiating contact though. I was just wondering when the Clean Slate Method comes into play. I would like to use it and take responsibility for my part of the rift in the relationship. It says not to discuss anything about the relationship on the first few dates and have fun... so when does the apology come in?
Thanks. I think it's wise for both of us to get back on our feet first before I consider any possibility of reconciliation. but during this time, i don't want him to think i'm here waiting around for him. This is why i thought the letter was a great idea..
I just worry when they urge you to move on. Seems like he has already outlined where he wants to go. I think the best thing you could do is indicate to him you have moved on and are dating again. This could spark the type of reaction you're hoping for. I don't envy your situation right at the moment and truly hope it works out for you.
Makingupmagic: he plans to stay overseas but i had plans to move to this country in a few months time.
He told me he had been missing me 'as a friend' during the time we were still communicating. He is urging me to move on because he's afraid of breaking my heart again. The main reason for him leaving was that he needed his space to do his own thing and felt he couldn't while we were together.
Because i had behaved in the 'desperate' way, i feel the need to plant in his mind that i'm not needy and capable of doing my own thing too.
Unsure if the letter works in this way or do you need to communicate with each other shortly after the letter?
Depends on when he gets back from overseas. Has he indicated at all that he's missing you? If he is staying overseas then it could be an issue.
I have purchased and read the Magic of Making up.
I am considering sending the Second Chance letter however am unsure when! it's been 2 months since the break up and he is now overseas. The start involved a lot of the typical behaviours of desperation from me but i have wised up since. we wrote letters but agreed to stop them.
i'm planning to give it some good weeks/months to cool things off but i'm wondering if i should send the letter NOW or send it just before i decide to reconcile?
I absolutely agree. Space is very important right now. He contacts me right now about our apartment and getting our stuff sorted out. Once we are completely separated I will start the no contact phase and see what happens! I was just thinking hypothetically.
Well, I suppose if he doesn't contact you then he probably has just confirmed his feelings have changed. Whatnow, I know that sounds harsh and I don't mean it too but one of the main reasons to ease off is to give them the chance to miss you again. Hope it works out for you either way and whatever happens you find true happiness.
My boyfriend broke up with me a week ago after 5 years because he said he wasn't feeling it anymore and hasn't been for a while. and I have not called or texted him unless it had something to do with the apartment we shared (he has already moved out). I have not cried, begged, or groveled since the break up so I definitely haven't done any damage.
I'm all about the no contact tactic BUT what if he doesn't try to contact me at all in the 4 weeks I'm supposed to ignore him??
Thank you so much for your response! It worries me too when someone says that...In the past it's meant I just don't want YOU - Though he assures me that's not the case. I'm not sure what I believe but I did have an immense amount of dedication to the relationship, I guess it's just hard to walk away from that. Thank you again.
Catherine...you've got a lot of thinking to do and I definitely sympathize and appreciate the situation you're in. It must be tough. You certainly sound devoted to this relationship but it just worries me when someone tells you they can't be in it now until they've sorted some stuff out. The Magic Of Making Up can certainly put you on the right track but just be careful with your funds if you are on a tight budget. Yes, it's a great resource and will help you out but I'm thinking you probably know in your own mind the right track to take with this relationship.
Similar to Becca, my bf of a year broke up with me two weeks ago. We had been having issues related to the distance, but I was finishing up my masters near our home while he was away (far enough to have to fly to see each other). This upcoming weekend I'm graduating and he's not coming because he says he'll be a "mess" if he sees me - It KILLS that he will not be there. Not only did he hate being so far, but he hated that I could be home w/ family and friends while he was alone and isolated with none in a job he HATED in a location he disliked. He began to struggle w/ life - Became unhappy w/ himself and I think started losing trust in me because he lost so much of himself. I hadn't had a clean past w. previous bfs and he constantly thought I was going to cheat on him or "find someone better." Joke was on me because he flew a friend who was a girl up to see him (and didn't tell me - I found out through a friend). Perhaps naively I believe he didn't cheat on me (as he swears) but did it out of loneliness & because he was depressed - but excited SOMEONE besides me would visit. Soon after, he broke up with me citing that it wasn't me - I still was special and he loved me, but that he couldn't be in a relationship until things in his life were right and he could overcome his depression and he could make all of the changes he needed to change (job, location, overall happiness). In the mean time, he's expressed that he misses me and loves me still and emphasizes how he wants to remain in contact, but he doesn't want me with anyone else. While I don't drunk dial him or talk to him - He does to me. He also emails me soberly telling me how much he loves me and how sorry he is and how he wishes he didn't have to be far. He tells me how he wishes we could've done things differently, spent more time w/ our friends (as we ONLY spent time with each other) and handled how we got together differently (I left someone for him). We fought before we broke up - Fighting about distance related issues - But fundamentally we were there. Believed in the same things, loved each other more than anything. Do you think The Magic of Making Up will help? I just need to know because I'm a grad student and tight on cash, but I love this man - And I want to be with him.
Becca...seems like one of you needs to make a decision to about making the move. My long distance relationship spanned 17,500 miles and in the end, I made the decision to change countries. Yes, big move but it felt right and has worked out beautifully. Thing you have to remember about a long distance relationship is they are fine for awhile but not long term. If two people truly want to be with each other there needs to be a line drawn in the sand and the decision to get together has to be made otherwise they have a short shelf life. I think The Magic Of Making Up will definitely answer some questions for you. Good luck and hope it turns out well.
My boyfriend of a year broke up with me two weeks ago. We have been doing the long distance thing (800 miles from each other) for months, partnered with the fact that he is just not happy with his life situation and we both are going through changes (I am also about to change careers and possibly location). We had been fighting a lot about little things, but rarely fought when we were together. We were so into each other we let everything go to the wayside. When he broke up with me, I accepted it and didn't fight it. Since then, we've had minimal contact. Small pleasantries here and there - He's drunk dialed me a few times & asked me not to hook up with anyone else, said he missed me, etc. Sent me emails claiming he loves me and is so sorry and wishes he was closer, but still won't be with me when I ask him if we can try again because I see a future with him (we're both at the age where future is important too). I'm considering buying Magic of Making Up...Would it be helpful for my situation? Thanks!
Well, you need to stick to your guns. By being a little evasive has got the response you want and that's him calling you. Most people in break up situations dream of this. Have you given thought to going out with the girls or even accepting other dates. The Magic Of Making Up will definitely have plenty of advice.
Oh, I almost forgot. When he broke up I hadn't seen him for a few weeks and he told me that he didn't miss me but now if I joke with him and ask if he misses me he says
"Of course" but only he's not replying in a joking way. Also, he'll tell me that he went on a date and then say he's just joking, and then he'll say he wasn't joking, and will go back and forth for about 20 mins with this stupid game. It's like he's trying to play with my emotions, but why, he's the one who broke up with me? I feel like he's playing a game with me and it's cruel. What is he trying to do???
My boyfriend broke up with me about five weeks ago. He said he still loves me but is not in love with me anymore (for some strange reason that doesn't ring true to me and I'm very intuitive) and wants to remain friends. I kinda think he just is afraid of comittment (which he's told me). As soon as I stopped calling/texting him he began texting me everyday and night and even calls. He constantly flirts with me (making sexual jokes) and wants to see me and have me spend the night with him. I pretend that I always have something to do or I just don't answer my phone when he wants to see me. Now he just texts more. I don't know if he's staying close because he really wants to be friends like he says, if he's just out for sex, or if he still has feelings for me. I can tell he gets jealous if he texts me and I say I'm out. But why should he care? I think he's been going on dates with another woman but he denies it. I don't have money to purchase the book right now but will definitely purchase it soon, but I need to know what to do for now! Can the book help us get back together? I really love him and am so afraid of him getting in a relationship or falling in love with this other woman because then it will just make it harder for me to get him back. I need her out of the picture before he falls in love or grows to love her. Does he want to be with me or not? His actions contradict his words. I'm so confused. Please help!!
Anyway, thanks for the advice. My girlfriend suddenly thought it through and decided that she wants to be back with me. I'm so overjoyed
The book will definitely point you in the right direction. I wouldn't be too blunt about telling her not to stay in contact...moreover, I would tell her that you agree with the break up and move on. There's also plenty of good information at loveandmakingup.com
Thanks for your advise. So do I start to back off now? I'm planning to tell her that we should not stay in contact for some time. She likes me to hug her and kiss her when we were good friends. I don't know whether i should continue. And is there any way I can contact you besides through commenting? Any help will be very appreciated
Derrick...your ready for a committment but she doesn't appear to be. The fact she doesn't want to cheat on you is encouraging meaning her feelings run deep. Maybe you are coming across a little needy which would be unattractive. The book has some excellent tips on handling situations where backing off and getting them to kiss you is often an excellent course to take.
My girlfriend and I broken up 2 months ago. the reason for the break up is that she said she lost interest in me and she is very stressed about her school, thus not being able to put in effort in the relationship. She wanted us to continue being best friend and we still continue on with our life as very good friends. Just few days ago, after her 1st year exams, I asked her to reconsider her thoughts and after her few days, her reply was that she has feelings for me but isn't sure that if its love and don't want to cheat on me. Also she has commitment issues. I'm living in Singapore and I wonder if anyone can give me advice and if this book is suitable for me.
I really feel for you as breaking up after three and a half years is really tough. He's asked for space and that's what you need to give him. Yes, you'll see him a couple of times a week in the store but this doesn't mean you cannot still give him space. This is one of the best parts of The Magic Of Making Up and it deals with this perfectly. Just avoid being needy and give him the chance to miss you again. Really hoping for you.
My boyfriend of 3 and half years just broke up with me 2 days ago.he said that he needs
space and wants to concentrate on school. I don't think I have ever
cried so much. I asked him if there if was anything we could do make it work and he just
paused and shook his head no. I asked him if he wanted to be with me and he said yes but there is a bigger part that doesn't want to be with me right now. I asked him what could I do to make that part come back and he said space. But the the thing is we work together and I see him every Tue. And Fri. (we are the only two employees in the store) and if another store needs anything we have to talk on the phone. And he wants to talk but he said he is not ready yet. What do I do? Please help.This is the man I want to be with forever.
we both initiated it, but he was the one who finally made the split. When i told him about the clean split it was complete lying, I want him in my life but don't want him to think I am depending on being with him. He thinks that we are not compatible as a couple, but it is only because we began fighting in the last month or so of the relationship. I have reflected back and realized that we were both stressed and not communicating what support we wanted. I'm just worried that he will be so stubborn and not realize that we made mistakes but really are compatible.
Sounds like you initiated the breakup...if you wanted a clean split then it probably wasn't a good idea to call him. Was he okay with the breakup. You've got to be honest with yourself and figure out whether you really wanted to spliy.
I began the break-up process okay. initially i did tell my ex that i think we can make it work, but quickly left, and moved out the next day while telling him i think the break up is best, we should have a clean split and i will miss him, but it is good. before it had even been a week i had a VERY traumatic situation and called him. i realize it was a mistake, but he came speeding down the road and ran to me. we talked like old times, and he stands by thinking we are too different but wants friendship and my heart. Did the contact of this help us by knowing where we stand then not talking from there, or hurt because we did see each other?
Well my friend T Dub was able to help me with his information. What I liked about it was he completely understood my pain and was able to put himself in my shoes. I'm not sure if he can help you - it seems your husband has moved on. But the information in the book is real, caring and solely aimed at either helping you get back together or moving on and getting over the hurt quickly.
My husband recently asked for a divorce and already has moved on with a new girlfriend though we are still living together. I am still in shock, surprised on how he could move on so fast. He said he was not attracted to me for almost two years now and that I did not change my habits for him as he said "actions speak louder." He said very adamantly plenty of times there was absolutely no hope - no chance for us ever again. Is there hope? I am heartbroken and only want us to be back together regardless of what we have been through. I love him very much. What should I do and will this book help me?
By downloading I mean buy it, but it didn´t work.
Send me an email and help me get the e-book The magic of making up.... I really need the advice:-)
I´ve tried to download the e-book, but didn´t succeed. I live in Sweden and I really want the book, How can I get it?
Atomict...7 years is a long time together and many memories but a five month break up is also an eternity and seeing he has a new girlfriend and you say he seems happy, really think it might be time to start enjoying yourself again. This product could help you but think you should think more about what's around the corner for you in the relationship stakes.
My boyfriend broke up with me 5 months ago. And since that he has a new girlfriend. We've been together for 7 years and I still love him. Sometimes we are in contact but just as friends. He seems to be happy with the new girl. I´m so unhappy und desperate. Do you think this product may help me?
Great Review of the Magic of Making Up. I agree, it is one of the best guides that you can get. I see some negative comments, and I have to say, did you really use the book? It takes work to fix a relationship, and from some of the things I see, some people still have not accepted the situation.. that's one of the first steps. fail in it, and you dont have a chance.
Its really a very comprehensive review for magic of making up. You have really opened new dimensions for this topic. Nice work man.
Your site has a lot of great information. Thanks!
thanks- he did call this morning, i was asleep- all he said was "calling to let u know im going to the ER, bye." I'm going to try not to talk to him today, I really feel so lost. I dont know what 2do next.
This is tough. I get the feeling you may struggle to get him back to the way he used to be. Perhaps he was looking for a full-time babysitter and may have been putting on an act in the beginning. Always worried about verbal and emotional abuse. Can lead to something more serious.
Girl, you need to get some self esteem and stop pandering to this man's needs. You have a child together which is a strong connection but you need to make him see that you are just as important to him as well so yes, stop jumping at every request he makes.
Im 26 yrs. old-Just had my first child 15 days ago, Left my son's father 2 nites ago due to verbal/emotional abuse & the fact that he holds me responsible to baby-sit his 2 kids for free along w/my newborn and has put off marrying me twice. I know it sounds irrational but I want him to go back to the way he used to be and If so I'd love to have a family with him for myself and new baby. I want this to work but he doesnt mention me or my feelings when he calls me and only asks about the baby. Can I make him want me back and clean up his bad traits? I also know I have some self-esteem stuff to work on but nonetheless, I want my son to live with both parents. Am I an idiot? I dont know what to do. He said he'll call me tomorrow morning, im going to try & not answer and see how it goes.
Hi Jonathan. I have been in your shoes, and the reality is that once the other party has moved on with someone else it is going to be very difficult to win them back.
But the real relationship that you must preserve is the one with your son. In time you'll come to see that this is the only relationship that you owe it to yourself to work at because it is the one relationship that is lifelong no matter what your circumstances.
So remain cordial with your wife and concentrate on your relationship with your son. Arrange to see him for a few hours every week. Forget about the no contact rule - that's for people without kids.
Your son needs to see you, so be sure not to make him suffer just because things don't look so great for you at the moment. They'll get better. If my experience is anything to go by, and I am sure it is, he will provide you with the greatest joy in the years ahead.
Good luck.
Hey Jonathan... Been in a similar situation. The other guy is a definite obstacle and it looks like she has just about moved on considering he's moved in.
What you need to do is stick to the no contact plan and even when you have to exchange pleasantries where your son is concerned, don't hang around. Say things such as I have to go I'm meeting someone etc. This will naturally get her curiosity going and she'll start to think you are seeing someone else or out dating again. Just be evasive and avoid getting into conversation. If you are really desperate to get her back make her come to you.
I am a 27 year old male and my wife has just filled for divorce on March 19th. We have a 7 year old son together. Right now she has moved out and is living with another guy. I have done all the wrong things on text terrorism and panicking to the point I think I have hindered myself more than I have helped myself. I still love her. We share custody of our son. I have know settled down on the emotions. I plan not to talk to her for a month but how do I do that when we have to exchange our son with each other? We have been together for 9 years and Married for only one. She says she loves me but is not in love with me and that she needs time to become happy and that there can be no us right now but we should give it a year and see what the future holds. The man she is living with got divorced a year ago and his wife did the same thing my wife is doing now should I be worried that I will not be able to win her back? Does this product seem like it will be able to work for me rather than not work for me? I need help asap I am desperate!!!
Its really a very good addition to the get ex back text. keep it up.
Honestly...I'm thinking there's better for you out there. Seems like he wants his cake and wants to eat it too. If you are really serious about getting him back you need to leave him alone. I mean literally. Don't call him, email or text him. While you're still chasing him there's no need for him to chase you.
Hope you find true love but not sure it's with this guy.
my ex left me last week.. i've done everything wrong. cried, begged, asked him what i could do to change it.. i realize now that i've been going about it all wrong. i'm hurting so bad, and more than anything i want him back. i keep asking him if he could ever see us together in the future, and he says that he doesn't ever say never, but as of right now, no. because he wasnt happy, because i had trust issues and because i constantly picked fights with him. hes also going to college next year so worrying about that kind of stuff is what hes focusing on now, he says.. but he flirts with SO many other girls and says he does it for a confidence boost.. & that im still the most important girl in his life. im only 16, so im too young to buy the book.. but i just wanna know, is it too late? what can i do?! PLEASE HELP! IM DESPERATE!
I have bought magic of making up, you can read my review here - http://abelreview.com/2010/03/the-magic-of-making-
Seen this a lot. A girl is in a bad or several bad relationships where violence seems to be prevalent and the moment they meet someone who actually acts like a gentleman they don't know how to handle it. Best advice is to be patient and don't be too needy with her. The Magic Of Making Up can definitely help you with this.
my girlfriend broke up with me about a week ago because she thought she loved me but realised she didnt! she was in a bad previous relationship for 15 months and was afraid to leave due to domestic violence form her ex. i was wondering what would be the best way to get her to fall in love with me because she says im aeverything a girl would want in a guy but i think shes afraid of the comitment and the different relationship has become a shock to her? can anyone help me or give me advice on what to do?
First you have to decide whether you really need to be in a relationship like this. Do you think there is a future with this girl? The book will definitely teach you ways of coping with this and strategies you can use to get on her good side again. But again, is this the type of personality you think you can create a happy future with?
My girlfriend just broke up with me. We've been together for a
little less than a year. I love her very much still, and I'm still in love with her. The reason she broke up was because of all the stress this semi long distance (2 hours apart) relationship, and because of the stress our issues and arguments has brought her. She just does not want a relationship right now. she's the independent type who doesn't care what anybody says, and she can be cold when she wants to. Would this book be able to help with this kind of problem?
Almost everyone suggests the "hard to get" rule.But it is really hard to play.
It needs a lot of tactics which seems quite cruel and unreasonable.
If we say a transitory break-up is for a better make-up,love is really a complicated thing.
This book is good, and it backed with a 60 day money back guarentee. If you think its a scam you can always get your money back by contact in clickbank who administrate the payments.
Loads of interesting stuff on Magic of Making Up. It's good that you highlighted the positives as well as the negatives.
This book is crap. After forking out the money and trying the advice my marriage went from bad to diasterous to over. This guy doesn't know what he is talking about. I sent dozens of emails asking questions and finally for a refund and got no response. The 800 number listed is a voicemailbox that is always full so you can't even leave a message.
Nice to see fellow bloggers out here helping people! :)
I have done the text , no phone calling ,but texting to my ex. She left after a 2.6 yrs together . Has not called only got a reply from her to stop texting . She sent a email a month ago that said I have alot of great characteristics and she reallly did love me however when we agrue she says that I have a short fuse and dont listen. Do you think there is a chance after 6 weeks of no verbal contact.
My relationship is a ld relationship, after 14 months of seeing each other almost every month, brother died, father had a heart attack all within 3 months and didn't want me to fly to be with him, he used to call me 10 x's a day, now will not even return a call or email been 4 months. I was demanding that I go to him since I have never been to his house, funny part is I have known him all my life, our mom's were best friends since teenagers, now she has past away, but we were brought up in diapers together, both had horrible marriage and divorces. He even married his ex wife 2 times. How can you get someone back if they don't even answer your calls or emails. I don't understand, I am a responsible mother of 2 teenage's raised my kids without a dime of child support, have it all together, don't drink nor do drugs neither does he. He is a very successful man, he put his ex wife in drug rehab and for drugs and drinking 4 times married her 2 times, he raised his kids on his own. He gave that a second chance and me who is 10 times prettier than her, 5 yrs of college, raised my kids without a dime of child support. I have my life together, don't do drunks nor drink. Will not even talk to me because I was demanding after 14 months need to go by him. Then he doesn't call me after that. It is not another woman, he called me hour by hour. Could this book help me after 4 months? He used to say it was his mother and my father that got us together a match made in heaven! Was suppose to retire this year, and move down by me. We had so many plans. Can this book help after 4 months?
1. No matter how bad you think you messed up, this book will guide you to a fresh start with your ex. It could be weeks, months, years, it doesn’t matter, with the guidelines in this book, would be on a clean sheet with that person. That is really how the process begins.
2. Learn the secrets of how to re-develop a relationship with your ex, sustain and maintain that beautiful relationship.
3. Learn never to repeat the same mistakes and actions that will jeopardize your relationship..ever again.
These three steps sum up The “Magic Of Making Up” and it is outlined so well, so easy to read, so simple to follow. This book saved my relationship, as I said we are getting married very soon. For me, it is more than a “make up” book, it is a reference guide. A guide that will help me keep my relationship and nurture my marriage.
Hi everybody .. You like free copy of the magic of making up? You should follow me on twitter and get it free !!
You can write a letter after the break up and basically follow the guidelines outlaid by T Dub.
On the Magic of Making Up website it tells you the opening move is to write a letter, is that after 1 month? or just after the break up?
On the Magic of Making Up website it tells you the opening move is to write a letter, is that after 1 month? or just after the break up?
Mike.....do you remember how you used to act around your girlfriend when you first met her? Since you have been her boyfriend have you changed the way you are around her?
Us guys tend to get very submissive around our girlfriends after awhile. Women like a leader, not a follower.
Check and see if you have become more of a follower around her since meeting her. Just a suggestion...
My Girlfriend and I broke up few weeks ago, she told me she didt have feelings for me six months ago, we got back together about two weeks later......two weeks ago she told me the same thing again and I just gave her space, we started talking few days ago and she asked me to stay at her place few nights ago and we have been fine and holding each other all night, My only thing is she doesnt want to make love yet....should I just wait until she is ready or does she really dont care for me !
Great review. You can also check out my review at http://hubpages.com/hub/how-to-get-back-your-ex101
I have bought magic of making up, its a good product overall, you can readmy review here =>> http://mypsreview.com/2009/06/magic-of-making-up-r
Sounds like there is hope there when he says he doesn't care about you right now. Give him the space and let him be. This is crucial. Yes it may hurt but right at the moment he wants to be left alone. Give him time to miss you.
hi, my husband left me last week. i have done it all wrong, begging, calling, texting, etc. he says he does not know what he feels for me anymore, and that he does not care about me right know. do you think i can still get his love back?
i just went out of a dramatical scenes of fights with my boyfriend i hv been crying for 4 months deppressed n hating any contacts with the other sex i hv been so lonley since he left me ... its reallly weird way i feel .. with alll wut hes done i still want him so bad
So, how do you go about having "no contact" when you live under the same roof? Doe sthis program address that instance? I want to buy the program, but it's hard to be a mystery when you live (oh yeah.. and work) with your ex. HELP!
Just remember that no contact means just that...no contact for 4 weeks. You will be a bit of a mystery to your ex. In the mean time do things that are good for you. Read inspirational books, hit the gym, make new friends. You will have a whole new confidence about you when you start contact after 4 weeks.
My ex broke up with me one month ago, i still really love him. I've been doing no contact for the past 2 weeks ,and i've just replied short message responses to him. I'm really hoping to win him back and I think it's working by being cool and not too bothered just getting on with life. What's really confussing me is he still tells me he loves or misses me, i don't know how much he means it or if he's just thinks it will make me feel good... which it does of course!
we were unofficially together for a short while when he told me that he isn't ready for commitment but he likes me. and he still treats me better than other girls after that.he is good looking and a lot of girls has crushes on him. so, should i use the "tell him the decision was right" method or should i just stay by him and be his good friend??
Great review on the product. You did a good job of outlining what the product is and isn't.
One of the best ways to attract not only your ex back but any lover is by having confidence in yourself. That means you must rid yourself of clingy and self deprecating behaviour around the person you want to be with.
When one is in a crisis with their relationship that can be a hard thing to do however.
One of the best ways to gain that confidence is hit the gym.
Both The Magic Of Making Up and The Ex2 System recommend not having contact with your ex for 4 weeks after your breakup. You should use that cooling off period to go get in shape.
The ancient Greeks knew their was a strong connection between a strong body and a strong mind. Getting in great shape during your cooling off period will do a world of good for your confidence.
That new confidence will be something that your ex will find very attractive when you do see them again and can begin to turn the tables on them.
T Dub is a great guy overall and his guide the magic of making up has help me get my ex back.
The magic of making up is a great product it has worked for me and countless others. One of the things I liked most is that he always go back to me whenever I had a question. That was worth the price alone
So I was wondering...what if you ALREADY did all the things they tell you NOT to do such as beg..keep in contact for too long..and etc..when an ex tells you they "fell our of love" can you REALLY make the love come back??? Is the author just trying to make some money??? I mean can you make somebody love you again?? I would buy this book, its not about the money im worried about, but i dont want to make a bad situation worse....It has been 9 months and yes he still has been texting me and I would respond but thats because he says he likes me as a friend...i know i love him and i would do anything to get him back but i feel like that is soo HOPELESS!! :(
Hard to say...if he's moved country for good then might be wise to move on. If you are really keen on him the book will give you some great insights on what to do. One thing you should do is give him time to miss you. Don't contact him for awhile. The book explains this.
Hi i am thinking of whether to buy the book or not as my boyfriend broke up with me saying he doesnt love me anymore and has moved on...HOWEVER,hes also recently moved country and i think part of why he wanted to break up is because he now works abroad. he still calls me once a week as he says he cares about me as a friend. however, i just wanted to know whether this book can benefit those in long distance relationships :(
Hey SAddddd...that sounds promising. This book will definitely guide you. Just don't jump back in at the first sign of interest. You can communicate with the author once you have the book.
Okay my ex left me 8 months ago because he fell out of love with me...but he has been giving me "hi how are you" text messages...I really want to get him back because i love him but i dont want to set myself upf or disapointment...is it possible for this book to work after 8 months?? also i cried and begged and i think i pretty much ruined any chance even tho i dont think i had any at all...also how do u communicate with the author??
Don't Be Foolish! Learn The Facts About "Magic Of Making Up" ... Click above
Hey, I bought and read the book over and over as well as watch all his youtube videos. It's been about a month and a half since she left me. I am determined to get her back. Only God in heaven can stop me. I hope T Dub's strategies work. I don't really know where to start since the letter is best used right after the break up and I'm 1.5 months into the break up. I know the material, but am unsure where to start given my situation. Any help concerning where to start would be great help.
jeta45@gmail.com
hi, i'm only 16 so i can't buy the book but i'm desperate to get my ex back and have no idea how to do it.. my parents refuse to use their card to order it. if anyone could email it to me i would be so, so grateful! please, help. thank you!
my email is lightninguitar@optonline.net
my email is toddhocker@yahoo.com
i am only 17 as well, so i cant buy it either. My mom is very sick with cancer so i know its best not to worry my parents about buying something for myself...... i have been reading up on the book and stuff... the first few tips are working so well, but im still unsure of what to do next....please please please i need the book sooooooo bad if anyone could send it to me that would mean so much. if anyone has it and could send it please do. i need some kind of help in my life with everything going on. my girlfriend lydia always made me feel better about my familys situation. Now that she left me im so lost. i truly thought this was the girl i wanted to spend the rest of my life with. PLEASE HELP ME GET HER BACK!
I'm thinking of buying it, appartently the first tips he gives out on his website seem to be working.
The second chance letter that TW includes in the relationship system is awesome. Great overview of the system.
Sorry had a tyop if u will like to send it not end it lol but please if there is anyone out there please i need your help.
Hey I haven't read the book but i hear a lot i want to purchase this book but i can't at this moment. I need to get my ex girl back. dont laugh but im only 17 bout to turn 18 so thats the reason why i cant purchase this book becasue im not old enough and i dont want to use my parents bcasue i know that they will have concerns wih me buying this. SO if anyone has a copy and would like to help save a relationship and would lik to send id by email it a,figueroa51@yahoo.com if you want to end it by mail just drop me a line and i ll give you the mailing address thank you. Please i really need this book i dont know what else to do.
Hey thanx for the life changing information.
I broke up with my ex boyfriend seven months ago, but realised three months ago i made a big mistake but he's been meeting someone else is it impossible at this stage??
I am generally skeptical of any online "miracle" program, such as dating advice or diets, but I am truly impressed with the Magic of Making Up. In fact, my ex girlfriend (now my girlfriend) used to get us back together after more than a year.
I owe my current success in love to the Magic of Making Up, and could not praise it any higher.
I got this today and plan to beging this as of tomorrow when my ex gf comes over to get a few items she left around my house. This books has so far helped me get over the first herdle of txt terrorism and doing everything i can to get her back. Just have to play this game now and hope for the best.
To me the best part about this product is the fact that you can communicate with the author for more one on one personal advice or clarification of any points.
i wanna try this... but im scared to send the letter to him. im scared that it will be very awkward between us cause i have to see him every day at school
Winning an ex back is not easy (I know from experience...). 18 months ago I suffered a devastating breakup myself. I wanted my girl back whatever it cost but did everything wrong and nearly destroyed all our chances...
Finally, I managed to get her back after 2 long months of heart ache, because I discovered just by chance some simple (but unconventional) methods that reignited our desire for each other as if nothing had happened. I never thought those psychological techniques were for real, but I was sooooooo wrong...
I read the magic of making up and have to say that has some very practical, down to earth advice on how to get your ex boyfriend back... not too much fluff, just a solid holistic approach.
In my opinion, this book is really worthwhile for someone to pick up if they are serious about getting back with their significant other.
My friend Mike broke up with his girlfriend just over a month ago. He bought this book and used the outlined strategy - two weeks later, he was seeing his ex-girlfriend again and now they are back together, happier than they had ever been!
This is a really long and deep review of the magic of making up. Thanks for doing this, I am sure it would help those looking for more information about the magic of making up
I am just about to try this out. My girl broke up with me because she feels she wants time along and has never really had it to make decisions on her own, she said she was unhappy, which I can see how I could've attributed to that. I have given her 11 days of no contact and given her the space, she has since contacted me and i have responded in loving ways, i am about to send the letter that says i agree and she is right - i am keen to see what happens, but i already know that I feel positive either way!
What are some of the biggest mistakes that you can do when you have been dumped or just want your ex back?How should you act to successfully get your ex back?
The magic of making up delves into all the things that people do that don’t and do work so you can get your ex back in no time. You will find out what it was that caused the relationship to break up in the fist place and just what you need to do in order to make it right.
Great hub :-)
I actually know the sort of relationship...one of my past girlfriends and I went through something kind of like this. I know how hard it is to get somebody you care about out of your head, even if your head is telling you there's something not right.I wish I could help you personally, but I'm barely able to handle my own relationships. This is why I'm really recommending the site I link to on this lens; I've seen emails from the people who have found happiness again using his book...as hopeless as you may feel your situation is, there is a happy solution for both of you, and his book can help you find it.
Wow! I do not know where this LidsayLane is coing from. . . has s/he ever liked any ebook they have purchased, or did their breakup just make them grumpy?
Breaking up is hard enough as it is, and can leave a bad taste in your mouthy, but the Magic of Making Up ebook has really helped me get over the hump and back on track with my sweetie!
You do have to take a hard look at yourself though, otherwise any advice is garbage. Be open to change, and the great ebook will give you the roadmap to getting him or her back - it did for me!
I have to strongly disagree with you purely from first hand experience. The Magic Of Making Up has been one of the few shining lights on my life lately and if it wasn't for the information outlined in this book then I would be going through the divorce courts right now. I strongly recommend it.
on 7/22/2008 This product is garbage. It provides no real useful advice to get your ex back, and old T. Dub doesn't even stand by his own iron-clad guarantee. Steer clear of this shyster. He doesn't have a clue and couldn't care less about you. I'm submitting a complaint to the Federal Trade Commission about this guy. A word to the wise ... Washington DC
WendyBell 10 months ago
I just bought the book and decided to try and get my ex boyfriend back. We spoke to eachother 2 weeks ago and Ive really had to hold myself not to pic up the phoe and call him! I m moving out from his apartment now since he told me he wanted me to. While I were packing my stuff into boxes today he messaged me and asked me how I were doing and if I had a plan for my move-out. I replied as nicely as i could and tried to stay focused on the plan and not write anyting that would make him think I was sad. I am but I dont want him to know! I hope he's really gonna start missing me soon. I bet he does but since he made up his mind about leaving me, I dont want to be a pain in the neck! do you think its still possible for us to find eachother again eventough he wants me to move out still after 3 weeks?